How am I supposed to know which is the "right" secondary for DD?

[AwfulMaureen]

I keep hearing how it's important to find the right secondary....we have a choice.

1: Push DD a bit more in maths and try the 11plus...she's very strong in literacy already.

2: Send her to one of two "good" comps...both large and DD is shy.

3: Move to Australia

The moving to Oz is only partly a joke...

She's very artistic, sensitive and rather like me, she's not great at maths...she's not bottom of the class but she will need some pretty intensive tutoring to get her to where she needs to be by September.

I worry that if I don't push her, I am doing her a disservice and that if I DO push her then I am also doing her a disservice as she may find it tough to keep up in grammar with the maths.

The comps are pretty good but HUGE and I can't even begin to imagine my shy, summer born there...the Oz thing....we're seriously thinking of emigrating and that's confusing my thought process here.

In Oz we could pay for a mid range private secondary school...and she'd have the advantage of another year of primary before being expected to move up to "big school"....I've looked at the options in the area we'd live in Oz and there are some good, creative schools which could suit DD.

DD wants to go to Oz....we can as DH is Aussie and we've looked at me getting in...shouldn't be an issue at all.

Poor you, I feel your pain. I keep waiting for a lightbulb moment when visiting secondary schools (private and state) and I don't like any of them much.

But you're different with the Oz thing. I think you need to separate that out. You shouldn't emigrate just because you can't make up your mind about secondaries (which obv you know already). Try, if possible, to forget about the secondaries thing and make a decision about Australia based on the other myriad factors.

Thanks Play I think I have separated it off....but I keep including education in the whole picture....oz versus uk...grammar versus comp

i dont think the maths if good enouhg to get it will be an issue...

Yes...just typing this out is helping me. I feel that really, DD is of rather a nervous disposition and it would not be kind to try to hothouse her now.

Being extra good at one subject is not a good reason to try to make her into an all-rounder is it?

Might be better to excell in an "ordinary" school than to struggle in Grammar in bottom set for Maths eh?

Just spoken to my lovely Mum about it and she feels, like me that DD will be better off with NO pressure on her...

In Oz we have much more choice...not certain which area we;ll move to in DHs home city but I have some ideas and the schools look lovely. Have also spoken to a Mum I know from the city and she's full of good, practical advice so I'm lucky really....Oz is looking more and more like a valid choice...especially as DD is also keen.

Without a doubt move to Oz, this country is fucked.
Give your child the best you can is all I'd advise.
If the schools local to you aren't much cop then why not?
She could settle in a large school here eventually, but if it didn't work out you'd be moving mid year or y8 when others had formed friendship groups.

AwfulMaureen:

First you aren't awful you're just facing a delimma most parents have to face - I was absolutely there last year.

going for 11+ - it's a challenge but if you treat it as a means to improve ability and don't make it about passing/ failing it is less stressful. DD1 had the other problem good at math/ NVR but weak on vocabulary/ comprehension skills (Verbal Reasoning/ English). So we read tons.

In your situation and given you have a shy DD, I'd suggest mathsfactor. Link here: www.themathsfactor.com/ & encourage her to do a bit each day. Seriously 30 minute a day will add up.

Check out 11+ forum for your area and see what they advise: www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/forum/11plus/index.php

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Large secondaries are intimidating - my DD1 didn't quite score high enough on 11+ for nearest options - although we could have opted for 1 hour bus ride (but didn't) - so we're off to local comp with 150 intake - big compared to single form primary. However, a large number of people means there is a good chance your DD (and mine) will find a small clutch of friends with similar interests. I would encourage her to join a few clubs in Y7 - that will help 'break the ice' with people. A few of her friends/ classmates are also likely to be going there - so there will be a few familiar/ friendly faces.

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Moving to Oz - well that can be on the back burner. If it happens it happens - but if not you've tried all you can here in Blighty.

HTH