will it matter if my DS can't dress himself when he starts school

[Ohnonotagen]

DS is 4 next month and starts school Sept so towards the younger end but not the youngest.

He's always struggled with dressing/ undressing himself and he is the type of child that its really difficult to get him to try and do stuff until he wants to (as example he didn't potty train until 3.3 and then was dry within 3 days!). He can now take off shoes, trousers, pants, socks, coats, cardigans etc. He struggles taking off tops he has to pull over his head unless i help him. He can't really dress himself at all. We've been working on coats/ jackets as i was thinking thats perhaps the most important but i'm not confident he'll be proficient at this by the time he starts school. How much will this matter? Will he be the only one? The school he is going to is quite big and has three classes that they split by age so he'll most likely be in the youngest age group class.

I have girls so can't recommend a make of trousers with an elasticated waist but I would be astonished if they weren't available in one of the high street stores or supermarkets.

I'd make sure he can wipe his bottom himself too. It was a struggle to get my dgs [Feb birthday] able to do this adequately before he started Reception last September.

Please don't worry. Its a long time until september and your little boy will be that bit older. Lots of little boys struggle with getting dressed and undressed on their own. The teachers and TAs are there to help him.

Make sure everything is labelled.

Don't panic. I had a summer born ds who was awful at this. You've still got a long way to go before September. We did getting dressed boot camp over the summer holidays using bribery and he was at least able to have a stab at it, even if he needed a bit of help with his t shirt.

One important thing to remember when practising is to teach them not to take their pants off before putting their pe kit on!

He will need to be able to change for PE.

Why don't you try practicing with him in changing into and out of those specific clothes?

Another reason for slightly too big clothes is that they are easier!

Liege

Ah yes, lots of DCs do take their undies off

DS has autism and still needs help at 7 getting changed. He has 1:1 help but we are working through a programme and he is getting more independent. You can use visual timetable showing the steps. You can use backwards chaining (do all of it except the last step, then the last 2 etc). It's easier to teach that way than starting at step 1. He won't be the only one, they all come out with back to front trousers and shoes on wrong feet. In our school they teach the children to help each other. They have to try first, then ask a friend to help, then ask the teacher. Many schools will do PE lesson first or last so they come in PE kit or leave in it and so it's only one change. This suggests it's very common for it to take a long time. Can you buy extra big tops? Often the necks are really tight and tricky. Some children have genuine difficulty with motor skills and despite the media going on about children who aren't school ready sometimes it's not because they have a lazy parent who couldn't be bothered but there is a genuine delay or disorder behind it!

My son showed absolutely no inclination to dress himself. Literally the day after he turned four he decided e wanted to do it....he only struggles with socks now and thus us within two weeks, so don't panic. We turned it into a game though....the clothing challenge, we call it. I out his clothes in a pile and challenge him to get into them unassisted....works every time

well we've had some success today. He managed to put on his pants and joggers (thought they would be easier) with limited help despite much protesting that he couldn't do it. Top and vest i helped him get over the head and he then put his own arms in. i did the socks. He also put his own wellies on a few times when going out in the garden, despite his protests that he wouldn't do it i just refused and he managed.

Good point about not taking the pants off as when DS gets undressed up to now he's always had to take his pants off.

I'm not sure what they are supposed to wear for PE yet, i think we will have a meeting at the school sometime after they go back for easter.

Lots of dressing up clothes during the daytime also helps.

If he goes to pre-school they should be working on this too.

At our preschool- for this last term we have loads of donated 'old school uniforms' for the children to dress up and play in. They love it, different schools/colours to try, and good practise for them. We also do PE sessions just to get them used to the whole group changing thing.

At our school reception meeting we were told it doesn't matter about them being able to write their name or do the alphabet the one thing the school ask is that they can dress and undress themselves.

We spent the whole summer trying to teach dd to do it, our school quite an old fashioned catholic school with proper shirts (god those bloody buttons) and ties. At the end of the day you can only do your best dd still couldn't do her top button in yr3! :)

Another point is that many children will just get on with it at school whereas they protest and want parents to help them at home.

That's why school is good

Dd1 turned 4 in the May before she started school. She could undress but not dress herself at that point - despite much encouragement. Over the next few months it slowly clicked into place. Yes she did initially come home with t shirt inside and/or socks inside out. But by the time she started year 1 she was so much more organised and able to do it.

Ds1 on the other hand, also a May baby, will turn 4 this year and can barely undress himself, let alone dress. We try, but he just refuses/is unable to coordinate himself. There are some ongoing concerns with him anyway. But all we can do is persevere and hope it comes together before September.

DD is one of the older ones in her year and still couldn't reliably dress herself a few months before school began. Something just clicked for her over the summer and she started school at least able to try to do tricky things like socks even if they did take her some time! Her teachers were really helpful and they did help everyone who needed it so please don't worry - there is a lot of leeway in Reception to help where needed and nobody will be expecting fast and accurate dressing or undressing (any child who can do this will be warmly welcomed but not the norm).

I advised DD to put her clothes back in the bag she'd taken the PE stuff from before she started the lesson, and we didn't lose anything (though there was once a mix up with leggings and she came home with a pair that would be too large two years later, god knows how the other kid got my titch's age 3 leggings on at all).

Don't forget to teach them how to turn something from being inside out to the right way round.

Every year I teach quite a few children how to do it. Looking back, I don't think I ever taught my own children how to do it, even though I remember feeling confident that they could dress, undress, and keep all their stuff in the bag or in a pile when they started school.

Teachers and TAs don't mind helping reception children get changed, it only grates when children stand there expecting everything to be done for them because their parents have clearly made no effort at all to teach them.

i feel along way off from getting him to turn things the right way round :)

Hi Ohnotagen

Haven't read through everything - but lots of good advice here. Most schools will accept that many children will need some help at first and quite often (around here at least) YR children do PE in their ordinary school clothes until Easter - precisely because getting dressed/ undressed takes up so much time & so many things get exchanged (my DDs came home with one shoe from another child/ different socks/ different shirts/ etc.... in YR & Y1).

I think the only thing I'd add is make sure when you're buying clothes for school (including things like shoes/ coats) that things are easy as possible for your DS.

So if buttons are an issue - avoid shirts with buttons & go for a polo style shirt. Go for fully elasticated waist trousers he can simply pull on and off. Sweatshirt instead of cardigan.

Velcro shoes are just a lot easier - and frankly more common these days.

Same thing with coats - yes get one with a zipper, but look into a coat that has velcro. Some coats now come with an inner sleeve you can pull over your hand (so helps keep hands warm) or even strips of material with snaps that you can snap gloves into (I used these in YR/ Y1 for my DDs so they didn't lose their gloves).

It may mean you pay more than usual for the coat - but the rest usually isn't too much more expensive.

Invest in labels (both sew on and stickers) and an indellible ink pen. You'll have to label everything from waterbottles and plimsoles to PE Kit.

HTH

Excellent advice here.

Re trousers: I haven't encountered a real fly in boys' school trousers until size 6-7 (M&S, Next, George, etc) so the assumption is elastic.

It will be ok.

Oh, about labels...

You can use name labels to help with dressing. For example, DS knows that name tapes are always at the back (of the neck, of the waistband, etc).

Another tip is to put shoes, trainers or pumps together on the floor then use your Sharpie to draw a circle in them, half in one and half in the other. If he gets muddled about which goes on which foot, esp for pumps that look pretty identical, he knows he has to make a circle before he starts.

A distinctive keyring or ribbon attached to his bookbag, lunchbox or PE bag if they are likely to be identical will help. At our school all the children have a school bookbag and 95% have the school PE bag too.

I use woven name tapes wherever possible because they wash very well - I even sew a strip of them round the "waist" of a water bottle and on to the handle of lunchboxes and his scooter! It's a bit fiddly but bombproof even in the dishwasher, and because nobody else does it he can spot his things a mile off.

Turning things the right way round isn't as hard as it seems. Start off by holding the thing for him, then get him to reach his arm into the sleeve or trouser leg, hold on at the bottom and then pull. It's actually quite fun for children to do it that way, they like seeing their arm disappear into the clothes and then reappearing as the job is done.

It is hard for them if they have to hold the thing themselves, but if they get the idea of how it works then it's a very good start.

when DS started school we had a letter asking if children could do various things eg peel and orange, peel a banana. I spent a morning doing all sorts of tests as I had never even asked him to peel an orange, lots of mums of boys were the same where as the girls wanted to do it independently...

Boys generally don't seem to crave independence the way girls do..

You have plenty of time to work on this but use lots of praise .. It is a skill you need to teach him at some point so keep little by little.