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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Parents Evening Feedback/Possible Private Tutoring

67 replies

monkeytree · 27/03/2014 21:47

Hi. Just need to bounce a few thoughts about and get a bit of advice from any parents/teachers out there. We have returned home from 'parents evening'. DD is in year 3 now. Her report was basically O.K. It appears that she is about average in the class. She does not need additional support but nor is she a high flyer. The teacher states she is slightly below average for her age but is confident that at the end of the Summer term she would have bridged the gap and would have reached the expected standard. I think from what they are saying her learning has accelerated recently.

My husband and I try to spend time with DD each week (supporting her with but not doing her homework). It is really difficult to work out how she should be performing in comparison to others in the class - please don't criticize for this as I think although we shouldn't compare we do. I am pleased with her report but somehow I am not content as I know and this was backed up by class teacher that DD sometimes becomes distracted and does not always ask for the help she requires and I feel that somehow in a class of 30 she is not reaching her true potential. She appears bright (not super bright) but not truly academic I don't want to drill her but at the same time I am concerned that she is not maximising her potential. Her concentration is not always there - her punctuation is hit or miss - sometimes using capital letters, sometimes not and not always spelling common words correctly - doesn't read and check her work. It seems she finds writing a chore but can use some really lovely adjectives etc when she puts her mind to it. Also in maths may struggle with the concept initially but then goes from strength to strength when she has grasped it again a class of 30 cannot help this particularly if you are floating somewhere in the middle.

We have a baby dd in the house now and don't have the same amount of time at the moment to give older dd. We're discussing the possibility of tutoring for an hour a week but wonder whether this will make any difference to dd and also we don't want her to feel that she has to do yet more work but would like to at least consider it as an option. Bearing in mind my last paragraph do you think it would make any difference to dd? I also don't want her to think she is failing because we have brought a tutor in, I realise it needs to be fun. DD already does lots of extra curriculum activities - brownies, swimming etc and I don't want to overload her - any advice regarding this please?

Sorry for long essay but sometimes it's difficult to explain how things are and clarify thoughts. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

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luvmy3kids · 29/03/2014 20:49

collumngollum - teachers are not obliged to provide or listen to information from tutors.

But the good ones will apply themselves for a few extra minutes to help ensure the child gets the right support. it is in no way obnoxious for a parent to approach a teacher about tutoring.

columngollum · 29/03/2014 20:51

What, so now the teacher is not a good teacher if she doesn't prepare the groundwork for some private tutor?

WTF?!

luvmy3kids · 29/03/2014 20:52

what is obnoxious is a teacher who finds it annoying. or make the parent feel bad about it.

luvmy3kids · 29/03/2014 20:54

I didn't say 'provide groundwork'. No one expects that. No one wants to add additional time to busy teacher workloads. But a few minutes and a brief chat is nice.

I don't think teachers who make parents feel guilty or can't make a few minutes are good teachers.

Sparklingbrook · 29/03/2014 20:55

We did exactly that when DS was in Year 3 monkey for the same reasons as you.

Teacher was whizzing through in Maths and he was geting a little left behind. His handwriting wasn't great nor his spelling.

We tried to help him ourselves but it ended up wuth us getting cross and then he would get cross and nothing got done.

So we hired a tutor for 1/2 an hour a week. it was a revelation. She gave him so much confidence and he caught up. He enjoyed it.

He is 14 now and doing really well.

spanieleyes · 29/03/2014 20:55

where has a teacher on here said it is annoying or made a parent feel bad about it?

Sparklingbrook · 29/03/2014 20:57

The teacher claimed she 'didn't have time' to help DS. In her class of 15.

mummy1973 · 29/03/2014 21:00

op - you say dd is average in the class. I would be pleased with that myself. I don't really get why you'd want to get a tutor?

luvmy3kids · 29/03/2014 21:03

Just because a child is doing average in class doesn't mean they couldn't do better or they are meeting their potential. average is something to be thankful for, but not a reason not to tutor

spanieleyes · 29/03/2014 21:06

I believe tutoring ( general tutoring as opposed to 11+tutoring) can be a great way to develop a child's confidence, as long as a GOOD tutor is found and the parents are clear as to the expectations.One to one support can be very productive,pressuring a child beyond their capabilities is not.

Zhx3 · 29/03/2014 21:19

My dd is 7, and described by her teacher as a "good, but not natural" mathematician. Sparklingbrook's post resonates with me, as when I tried to help her with her maths, we ended up getting cross and upset with each other. We took her to a tutor when she was preparing for entrance exams, and it did wonders for her confidence. Even though she has passed her entrance exams, we have kept her with the tutor for 45 minutes a week. The tutor is very patient and gentle, and reinforces what she has learned at school that week, as well as practising any weaker areas. She also plays a lot of maths games with dd, which seems to be her preferred way of learning.

morethanpotatoprints · 29/03/2014 21:25

Please don't go down the tutor route, let your child play.
If you are able to find the places where she could improve a little, perhaps you could make up some games to help.
It sounds like she has homework anyway and the school aren't saying she is behind.
Some children will never be high flyers no matter how hard they are pushed, maybe your dd has talents in other areas. Not that there is anything wrong with being average.

luvmy3kids · 29/03/2014 21:27

Please do go down the tutor route if you have concerns. I think you mentioned you have a baby. It will relieve some of your workload so the time you spend with your older child is not-academic but fun

An extra hour or so won't seriously cut into play time.

Sparklingbrook · 29/03/2014 21:28

I didn't do it to make him a 'high flyer' I did it to improve his confidence to the point he was where he should be IYKWIM.

We did it because the teacher asked us to help him.

morethanpotatoprints · 29/03/2014 21:30

yegod

I totally agree, this is what my dd does for her maths and she has improved drastically. We don't need school now
The important thing is dd will tell whoever will listen that H.ed is brill because she doesn't have to do maths.

mummy1973 · 29/03/2014 21:41

op - if your dd was concerned I would advocate speaking to the teacher about areas to concentrate on (you mentioned concentration and asking for help). However you said you feel she is maybe not reaching her full potential? At this age I personally would just let her enjoy life as she sounds like a she is doing just fine. Don't compare with others because children make huge leaps and bounds at different times IMO.

mummy1973 · 29/03/2014 21:43

yes, yes yegod

TheVictorian · 29/03/2014 22:13

monkeytree I would encourage the use of a private tutor, as which is better take a chance that she either sinks or swims or at least help maximise her potential.

starlight1234 · 29/03/2014 22:27

I sent my Ds year 2 to Kip Mcgrath..He loved it..He only went for a term..to help with his writing..It improved his confidence no end and he now writes without a winge at every word...

Original poster

monkeytree · 29/03/2014 22:45

Hi. Thank you so much for all of your comments I'm reflecting on them and they are much appreciated. I have no problem with dd being deemed as average in the class but I just get a feeling that she is somehow getting lost in a class of 30. Her class teacher says that she doesn't always ask for help when she needs it. I get the impression it is not because she is worried about approaching her class teacher but somehow feels too proud to??? DD also becomes easily distracted whilst in class sometimes and sometimes requires reassurance to start new things especially when writing. My husband helps dd with maths and it has helped her no end as well as everyday things - paying for her penny sweets at the local shop etc. but as other mums have said it is difficult to teach dd without becoming frustrated sometimes. I have spent time with dd myself but often wonder if I am helping her. If a tutor is able to assist her and it is fun it might be less stressful for dd and for me to compact the extra study to one hour with someone else leaving me to get on with lots of fun things with dd which may or may not have a fun element to them - dd can weigh ingredients and make cakes independently now with my help with the oven and we enjoy doing this together. Don't get me wrong I am very proud of dd and see her growing into a really lovely person. We now have the added pressure of our 6 month old and the sleepless nights etc that come with that. I am more concerned about dd's confidence as I realise it is precious and we need to preserve that at all costs so we would need to introduce a tutor carefully. Having said this it is interesting to hear that those who have employed a tutor found that it made a real difference to their dc's confidence. I can also understand the comments that dd is too young - time seems to move so quickly and it seems a crucial time whilst the basics are being taught. If it became a pressure or a major chore I would stop but I know one parent who says their child looks forward to time spent with their tutor so I might get the name of this tutor! Thank you once again.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 29/03/2014 22:52

Good luck monkey. I hope you sort something out. It really made a difference for us and DS. x

Nappaholic · 29/03/2014 22:57

Not had time to read whole thread through, but my 9 yr old DD is very bright, and she sees a tutor for an hour a week to stretch her a little further. We have four DCs and both work so don't have much time to spend with her. She loves going to the tutor and they seem to have great fun....no pressure, just time we might otherwise spend with her. She doesn't give the tutor the grief she gives me either! Costs £20 a week...less than a riding lesson!

GuineaPigGaiters · 29/03/2014 23:05

OP, we are in an almost identical position, Andi. Think we have decided to get a tutor....our big issue now is HOW to find a good one. No one else we know uses one, and I'm reluctant to use someone who isn't familiar with the schools chosen teaching methods, as I'm worried we might confuse our dd and make the situation worse!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

mrz · 30/03/2014 08:46

monkeytree I think it's much harder to teach our own children and it can become a scene of conflict rather than learning (yes there are parents who are very good at teaching their own child but I'm not one of them) so agree it can be better to separate the two roles.
You say the teacher has said your daughter has begun to make accelerated progress (could be things have just clicked for her) so I would be inclined to say give it until the end of mext term and reevaluate the situation then. good luck

TheHumancatapult · 30/03/2014 09:19

columgum

dd school teachers now think like you all I know last year dd pulled out few others for maths fantastic progress .Now they decided not good for child esteem be pulled out DD now does maths 8n class of 30 less help and now feels everyone knows she is stupid at maths and won't ever talk in class anymore and hates maths and progress minimal

ds3 has lsa pulled out dair amount massive progrese

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