Thanks Littlefish.
I find it hard to articulate my thoughts without sounding precious. I don't mind if DD2 is behind in any subject if she is doing her best and they are doing their best and that's what she is capable of at this moment in time and her report reflects it.
I do mind her being clearly behind (in my view) and comments that suggest that, once you get past the blurb, her teacher telling me different things she can't do (e.g. count money), then her report saying she's 'average' and the SENCO telling the Ed Psychs that she's 'average' when we meet to discuss her. To me, there needs to be consistency and transparency. It's meant to be a partnership.
I also have the unfortunate situation of being pretty sure what DD2's problem is, but the inability to communicate that in such a way as the teacher can take it on board and can teach DD2 in the way she needs to be taught, given the time and child:staff ratio.
DD2 has always learned explicitly. She's great if you teach her explicitly - she won't forget what she's been taught. However, she won't learn by osmosis (as many children do) and she won't join the dots herself.
An example of that is 'bridging through 10'. DD2 finds this very difficult. When I talked to the SENCO about it, she said 'just keep revising the number-bonds to 10 with her and eventually she'll remember them.' The trouble is, she knows her number bonds to 10 forwards, backwards, inside out. It's not number-bonds that she's lacking. The trouble is that she doesn't realise that 3 being the number bond of 7 means that 3+7=10 because she's been taught that they are the 'number bonds' the 'friends', etc.
She also learns everything in isolation, so she needs to be given the explicit link between each bit of a topic. She can't just 'realise' that she can use her number-bond knowledge to inform bridging through 10. She needs a 'recipe' for the problem, that she can follow step by step until she's learned it by heart.
It's the way I taught her eye-contact ('you look at the lady, you smile, then you can look away'), how to get her stuff out of school (bookbag. Bookbag and water bottle. Bookbag, water bottle, coat)...the list goes on.
She just can't learn by 'experiencing'.
Last week she thought she had jam on her nose because she'd scratched it and it felt sticky (it was blood). Then, she thought she could just wipe away the wound. I had to explain that it would stay until the scab formed, then new skin came. She knows that in terms of her legs and arms - what child gets to 6 without cuts? But she had to relearn that it applied to her nose, too.