Does your child get physically hurt at school? How often?

[MimsyBorogoves]

I don't know what is 'normal'. I know some children start Reception without having learned not to bite/pinch/kick etc, but my DD is in Year 2 and still gets physically hurt, pretty much daily, by a couple of nasty classmates.

She is changing school in September, and she can't wait. I am writing a letter to her current school today to give notice, and am wondering if I'm doing the right thing in telling them about the physical hurt that the other children inflict on her. It has really knocked her confidence.

At least three times a week, usually daily, she comes home telling me she's been kicked, hit, or pinched. The latest thing is that twice in the last 10 days, she's had her head forced to the ground, then a kid sits on her head and farts on it on purpose. They're 7. I get that farting is hilarious when you're 7 but I think pushing a kid's head down to let one rip on it is really disgusting.

Does this happen at your kids' schools? Is this normal? I don't expect kids to be perfectly disciplined and studious little charmers in pressed suits, but is this normal? Her school is rubbish at discipline: the punishment for the kid who hit her last week was that they would only be allowed one biscuit at break tomorrow.

If there is one silver lining, it's that she's learned that some people are arseholes; she's learned not to take it personally; and she's learned to stand her ground and shout at them so loudly when they hurt her that they run off crying. She is far tougher than I was, and has shaken off the victim mentality she slipped into a year ago. Still, I hate sending her to school every day knowing someone's going to physically hurt her. I'm feeling really angry.

Am I being a hankie-clutching over-flouncy mother to tell the school? I don't know what is normal. I have no idea.

Awful, of course tell the school why would you hide it?

You send your child to school you expect them to be safe and well cared for.
Sounds like your DD has learned some valuable lessons though, mine went through a small stage of being bullied but she wouldnt let me help her or do role plays

If it is unacceptable for adults to assault each other, why are children allowed to do so. Exactly, Pancakes. That's what went through my head today.

DS in the last 4 weeks has been bitten, kicked, punched and thrown to the ground along with other girls and boys in the same class and younger. Head prides herself on not excluding a child for x amount of years. - I'm so sorry, Pantone. If you didn't have a female Head I'd assume we were parents at the same school.

Mimsy, it's awful isn't it. DS doesn't even seem upset about it now, just resigned to the fact that x is a little sod.

The teacher didn't even want to come and tell me last time, I imagine she wishes she had more power to remove him from the classroom. Head has trotted out the usual "it's just boys" and "there's always conflict in year2"

Interestingly the boy who hurt dd has SEN around violence (and is always supervised). They were very apologetic and robust with him, I suppose because they had to be seen to be protecting children from the known danger.

This other child who is much worse than that boy, is just "being a boy"

No it's not normal, especially not in yr2, DD's in reception and been pinched once and pushed twice, all in the first month of school, the teachers made clear it was not acceptable and it stopped very quickly. DS is year 5 and has never been hurt deliberately by another child at school, although there was a stage in year 1 where him and his friend kept accidentally hurting each other when getting carried away sword fighting with sticks

Have you taken this up with the school or are you just withdrawing? Because it could be another child in future.

Not normal.

The day I found that DS had bruises (from pinching) all down one side of his biody from the boy who sat next to him was the day before we took him out of school to HE him (there were other reasons that led up to the HE decision, but the 'act now' moment was the bruising and his matter-of-fact explanation 'yes, X does that all the time. He sits next to me because I am good and he is not. If I shout when he pinches me, or disturb the teacher, then I would be being naughty too. So I don't.')

DS was also bullied in Reception, a year earlier, but it was much briefer because we taught him to shout. Being literal minded, though, he thought that shouting was only for the hidden corner of the outdoor play area for reception, the chosen haunt of his tormentor!

Not normal at all. Yes there's rough and tumble and some children don't know their own strength. Some children don't like it at all and take it very personally. But being physically hurt most days, absolutely not.

I would write to the head and the governors explaining your disappointment with the school.

I'm just not sure why you haven't taken it up with them more robustly before you made plans to take her out. Of course it's not on, and not normal. DS1 is bullied intermittently by a little so-and-so in his mixed year class and I am on their case about it, though not much seems to happen that changes his behaviour. But you have to let them know it's happening - they might turn a blind eye to it and they can't be allowed to get away with being blinkered.

It is really sad that your poor DD 'can't wait' to change schools - I think that's very telling. Well done to her (and you) for learning to be brave and stand up for herself!

Your poor DD. If you can, please try to make sure that the school are aware of the bullying your DD has suffered. The bullies are likely to move on to another target once your DD has left the school if the staff do nothing to stop it.

Can she move schools now? Or home educate her now? A perfectly legal option. As a parent you have to make the right decision on her behalf, she is too young to make the decision herself.

What you describe is not normal. My boys have been hurt a handful of times in infants. My boys sometimes also have accidents but they are truly accidental bumps - like falling off playground equipment or tripping on to someone.

Have you kept a log of all the incidents and have you made the school aware of each incident. Also that you are not happy with how it's being delt with? Email is your friend here, have a paper trail and involvement from the head/governors

It's very important you give full details to the LEA about your reasons for moving. If a few pupils leave, giving similar reasons the LEA will be very interested. One school I heard of was required to employ a specialist to rewrite their bulling strategy and behaviour code. The school had quite a lot of professional help as the problem was essentially poor management.

Certainly not acceptable. Good luck with it.