Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DD upset over not getting class bear again

46 replies

vicabc789 · 07/03/2014 17:11

DD is in yr 2. Every week since end of september she has been disappointed for not getting the bear for the weekend. All her best friends have had it. She is a polite well mannered girl, works hard and is in the top groups. I asked at last parents eve what she had to do to get the bear, didn't get much of an answer and still 3 months later, no bear. Supposedly its given out for being the best writer of the week. Now with another parents eve approaching I am wondering if the teacher is not giving it to DD on purpose because I mentioned it before. Feel very sad every friday trying to explain to DD why she hasn't got it. Do I make a fuss at the next parents eve? As a teacher myself I am really questioning the educational value of something which inflicts disappointment week after week.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

vicabc789 · 08/03/2014 21:48

Thanks so much for your comments. It's made me feel a lot better. Am thinking I won't speak to the teacher at the moment but will make a point of letting the head know in the parent survey at the end of the year what a frustrating and upsetting exercise it is. DD and I have had a good chat about it and hopefully she won't get so upset in the future.

OP posts:

Paintyfingers · 08/03/2014 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paintyfingers · 08/03/2014 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flibbertyjibbet · 08/03/2014 22:01

Ds2 got it the last weekend of the year. He is bright, very well behaved, helpful etc. I just kept telling him they save the best children till last :-)

But jeez I would never have asked or told the teacher to give it to him! If he had jumped the q then another childwill have to wait longer.
Next yr, year 1 teacher gave it him week 2 of winter term. Teachers all have different methods of allocating these things and I would not interfere with their methods. You don't know the criteria they use or the reasons behind each allocation.
Teach your daughter to wait her turn and don't go asking the teacher again.

Flibbertyjibbet · 08/03/2014 22:07

Very good idea to present it as feedback in the parent survey.
Or do what we did - at the easter we found a bear from the same range of toys at a car boot sale so my son learned if you don't get the class one.... buy your own

Besides, if you are the last family, you get to laugh at the full range of stealth boasts in the bears diary

EverythingCounts · 08/03/2014 22:23

The star of the week thread had countless people posting to say that it seemed to them to very often go to kids who had been naughty and then improved a bit the next week. Of course it's just people's (and the kids') perceptions, but it's a common view.

Mum1369 · 08/03/2014 22:43

I think it also boils down to whether you trust the teacher
I have never intervened with any of the teachers my older son had, if I had an issue and raised it, they would always explain how and why they dealt with a particular situation and I would trust them to do what they thought best and was happy with their reasoning
With my younger sons teacher in this case, I just didn't have any faith in her, she had a lot of other things going on and didn't seem to have a plan or any particular thinking in place regarding the blooming bear.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/03/2014 10:28

When my DD was in reception they had two stuffed toys. One went round the boys first and the other round the girls. It meant that everyone had had one by the half way point at the latest. Then the toys swapped over for the rest of the year.

I think this is a good idea. Perhaps you could suggest it the teacher for future years.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 10/03/2014 10:37

but surely someone has to be the last one to get the bear, that is unavoidable isnt it?

OwlCapone · 10/03/2014 10:46

Have any children had the bear more than once?

kilmuir · 10/03/2014 11:41

Life is full of disappointments. You are obsessing. Your child will not be the only polite, hardworking pupil in the class. I would play it down and praise reward your child yourself

pictish · 10/03/2014 11:53

Am thinking I won't speak to the teacher at the moment but will make a point of letting the head know in the parent survey at the end of the year what a frustrating and upsetting exercise it is.

You are still awarding it way more importance than it warrants. 'Frustrating' and 'upsetting' are strong words to use regarding the class stuffed bear!
Come on now - you need to downplay this - not only to your daughter but to yourself as well. If she's getting worked up about it, it's your job to instill some perspective. The head is not about to change the bear incentive because you have a bee in your bonnet about your dd having to wait her turn. Eyes will roll, believe me!

Mountains and molehills come to mind here. Sorry, but they do.

Paintyfingers · 10/03/2014 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paintyfingers · 10/03/2014 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 10/03/2014 12:19

Yes...but still a simple "never mind darling, there are xx amount of children to get through and you'll get your turn eventually" is what a child needs to hear, before moving away from the subject.
I think it is worth mentioning that my son who is 6 hasn't had the class bear yet either, and yes, he has come out all bottom lip out and teary eyes about it on a Friday...but MY job is to commiserate, reassure, then distract! It's an age appropriate life lesson in patience and perspective fgs. I wouldn't dream of making a point of it to the school!

pictish · 10/03/2014 12:26

I admit I am probably getting over emotional about the whole thing and what you have all said makes sense - but DD and I are sensitive and I hate seeing her upset.

I would say (with the best of intentions) that perhaps OP may try to be a little less sensitive about it, and understand that she can't always expect the world to revolve around not upsetting her daughter. It's not realistic or helpful for either of them.

cazib · 14/09/2014 07:02

Oh we had this problem too, and it goes on. in reception she was 3rd last to get the bear in year 1 despite being told that every child gets a turn and that those that were last in reception will get it first in year 1 no bear ever materialized (personally glad as hell as I didn't want the manky thing) now in year 2 its the same people who were first in reception and year 1 who have got the bear, some of her friends have had it 3 times where she has had it once.

And again its the bullies bad behaved who get it. My daughter is always on the rainbow, the teacher always tells me she is way above her peers in reading writing and maths and what a lovely kind girl she is. One girl got it because she didn't hit someone that day, really that's what we are teaching our children now, that if you hit people constantly then stop for a little while (1 day) you will get rewarded. God help our society.

So now I've told her that she won't be getting the bear this year at all, that the teachers are liars (they lied constantly to her last year) I don't want to build her hopes up just to have them constantly shot down and we have made our own diary, every friday morning she gets to choose one of her own nice clean bears and we take this bear with us everywhere take photos and write a diary just for her and I'm a leader of a rainbows group so she can tell us about her bear there rather than at school.

Whilst I understand the mums who say "oh its just a bear" to them its more than that, and two years of disappointment are hard for anyone to understand. Especially when constantly told that everyone would get a turn

Somanyillustrations · 14/09/2014 07:18

Gosh, reading this thread makes me so glad I'm not a primary school teacher.

Telling your children that their teacher is a liar?! As a parent, surely it is your job to back the school up and present a united front to your child? If you disagree with the school then by all means speak to the teacher to try and reach a solution, but this belittling of teachers will bite you on the bum when they are 15...

Cherriesandapples · 14/09/2014 07:22

My DS never got the bear. It was obvious that he wasn't considered good enough to get it :-(

MagratsHair · 14/09/2014 07:44

I would expect every child to have the bear and I would expect every child to have a star of the week award over the school year.

We moved schools in-year when ds1 was in reception as I left my ex husband so he started a new school in the October and he was forgotten on every list they had, class bear, the dinner ladies award, no name on the nativity program, not on the class Xmas card list and I must say that I had to talk to the teacher a few times especially when my DS was sobbing his heart out at not being good enough for the dinner ladies ffs. And I'm usually the first to tell my kids about patience and to have trust in a teacher.

I'd say that if a child has had the bear twice then its worth mentioning, if its still going round for the first time then leave it for a bit.

MagratsHair · 14/09/2014 07:46

I would expect every child to have the bear and I would expect every child to have a star of the week award over the school year.

We moved schools in-year when ds1 was in reception as I left my ex husband so he started a new school in the October and he was forgotten on every list they had, class bear, the dinner ladies award, no name on the nativity program, not on the class Xmas card list and I must say that I had to talk to the teacher a few times especially when my DS was sobbing his heart out at not being good enough for the diner ladies ffs. And I'm usually the first to tell my kids about patience and to have trust in a teacher.

I'd say that if a child has had the bear twice then its worth mentioning, if its still going round for the first time then leave it for a bit.

Flip

1 2