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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

worried about school trip for reception

51 replies

anicecuppa · 03/03/2014 20:24

DD started reception in sep, she is struggling to settle in and make friends with the others as she is very young, she had just turned 4 the week before she started. I have spoken to the teacher at length about how we can get her more settled etc. Anyway I have just heard that there is a school trip coming up, where they will go on a coach for 40 mins and then have a day out and the coach back. I just feel that she is far too young to be doing this and am really worried that it's going to unsettle her further etc, I have asked if I can go too and help on the trip but they have said they have enough staff going so no more space...I am thinking of not letting her go but when I said this to the school, they looked shocked as if I was doing something awful! I know don't know if to let her go or not...I don't want her to be further left out by not having been on the trip but also I don't want her to feel unhappy all day and have to deal with a whole day away just so she doesn't get left out!

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mistlethrush · 03/03/2014 22:44

My (horrendously car sick) DS went on a trip where they were on the coach for about 90mins - and then were at the seaside. DS is summer born but 4 months older than your DD - but the trip sounds longer and potentially more problematical (herding yrR on the beach!!!). He had a whale of a time and no one drowned. He had his anti sickness pill so didn't even throw up on the coach (although he had a box in his rucksack just in case!)

hazeyjane · 03/03/2014 22:49

don'tcry - the op is talking about her dd, not a ds, and not all children are the same, some get more anxious than others.

ILovemydog - if the little boy in your dd's class has a 1-1 helper, I expect there is funding in place specifically for that 1-1 to help that boy alone at those times.

anicecuppa - my dd1 was very anxious about things like school trips etc, she did always manage them, but I always made sure that the teacher was very aware (it sounds like she will be anyway), maybe discuss it with her to allay your fears. Dd1 is still the same now, she is just very cautious about new situations - she is in yr3 now and there is a residential trip coming up, but dd1 will only go for the day and miss the sleepover part.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 03/03/2014 22:59

Not really hazey, the helper helps him most of the time and does stuff with the other children when he's gone. If the op is worried about her dd she is perfectly entitled to ask about it. Her school might have some funding.

LemonMousse · 03/03/2014 23:02

Try not to let her see that you have anxieties about the trip. Build it up in to a fun, exciting thing for her to enjoy with all the other children. She will be well looked after you know - I speak from experience of having accompanied several reception class trips. There will be a lot of head counting and hand holding and lots of reassurance for those who need it.

Do let her go - I'm sure she'll be fine

Anniecarrieson · 04/03/2014 00:34

I didn't let my DS go on his reception trip for similar reasons, although he does have some additional needs.

If you withdraw her, ask the HT whether she should come into school that day. If not, you could consider a day out (with you) to the same place

Adikia · 04/03/2014 01:17

What is the trip? is it linked to something they are doing in class?

My reception DD is going to a farm next week and then class time over the next 2 weeks or so is going to be focusing on farms and baby animals so if she missed the trip she would then struggle to join in conversations for the next couple of weeks.

TamerB · 04/03/2014 01:26

It is bound to be linked- it leaves her out for at least 2 weeks if she doesn't get the experience.

Jinty64 · 04/03/2014 08:02

If you withdraw her, ask the HT whether she should come into school that day. If not, you could consider a day out (with you) to the same place

This is a seriously bad idea. You will be marked out for the rest of her school career as "that mother" And, in my opinion, maintaining a good relationship with the school is very important. I think it's a shame you can't go with her for her first school trip. I went with ds1 for most of his primary trips and ds2 for his first few although they do have some additional needs. I think you either need to speak to the school and decide whether you are happy with what they are offering and then either send her or not. If you decide not to send her you could take her to the same place on a different day but don't turn up during the school trip.

pixiepotter · 04/03/2014 09:29

not all children are the same, some get more anxious than others

the kid isn't the anxious one, it's her PFB mother !!

blackteaplease · 04/03/2014 09:35

Er, she's not PFB she has an older dd! Although that info wasn't in the OP.

Can you prepare your dd for the trip at all? Talk her through what she will be doing, role play bus trips and ask school to sit her with a buddy? The school should have strategies for managing anxious children. You might find she benefits a lot from going on the trip, in terms of self confidence.

TSSDNCOP · 04/03/2014 09:42

I'm not even trying to diagnose your DD, but some of her traits are similar to those of my mildly AS DS.

Here's what we do in the event of non-classroom based activities:

The teacher tells me exactly what they'll be doing, and what's expected of DS

A few days before the event we begin to discuss that so DS is well prepared, almost by rote by the time of the event.

The school ensure that he is with his teacher or TA at the event rather than say an invited adult, so that the reassurance can continue throughout the event.

Now is the time to work with the school to build your daughters confidence and improve her behavioural skills in different contexts. The younger she starts the better.

Talk to the teacher, and put a plan in place for her that you can reinforce.

Good luck x

DeWe · 04/03/2014 10:41

All my dc thought the coach part was one of the best bits in year R! |In fact they'd have been happy just to have a couple of hours in the coach driving round.

She'll be fine-in fact in reception they used to have the rule you weren't with your dc for the day out as they wanted them to be with someone else.

ShoeWhore · 04/03/2014 10:45

Rather than withdraw her OP, I would think about how you can work with the school to support your dd to join in.

Bear in mind as well that the teachers do this every year with a whole range of children. They know what they are doing.

lottieandmia · 04/03/2014 10:45

Let her go. 40 minutes is not a long journey. Your dd is 4 and a half now - I think that is old enough to go. I have a reception aged dd too and she has suddenly made a lot of progress in the last 2 months or so. She's an April birthday so halfway through the year. As long as your dd is being properly supported at school then she will catch up IMO.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 04/03/2014 10:47

What does your dd think about the trip? Have you discussed it with her?

It might be a good idea to "prepare" her for if, chat with her about the coach trip, what they will be doing, what they will see on the trip etc etc, as long as you are enthusiastic about it IYSWIM.

It may make her less anxious if she sees that you are excited about the trip, oh wont it be fun to go on the coach etc etc.

hazeyjane · 04/03/2014 11:51

pixiepotter - the op said her child was unsettled and had struggled to make friends, so it isn't just her mother being over anxious.

i know when dd1 had her first coach trip, she was incredibly anxious, waking at night worrying about it etc, but as others have suggested, we talked about what would happen, and talked to the teacher. Dd1 felt really proud of herself after she had been.

Not really hazey, the helper helps him most of the time and does stuff with the other children when he's gone. If the op is worried about her dd she is perfectly entitled to ask about it. Her school might have some funding. That does sound as though he has a designated 1-1 in which case he probably has a statement, it is pretty difficult to get funding for 1-1 help for a child - even if they have additional needs, let alone where there aren't any!

Abra1d · 04/03/2014 11:58

Sounds like a good way to get to know some of the other children in a different environment. It might help make her new friends.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/03/2014 12:11

Anicecuppa - this won't be an unstructured event like a party - it will be, as others have said, very organised - your dd will get clear instructions on what to do, and the children will be well supervised. The children will be divided into groups (and I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to ask that your dd should be in a group with a child or children who are friendly to her), and each small group will have an adult in charge, who will usher them round, and make sure they all know what they are doing at any given point.

You could have a look online at the place they're going to - if you have a picture in your mind of where they are going to be, and what sort of things they will be doing, this might set your mind at rest somewhat.

fluffycarpets · 04/03/2014 12:35

What does your daughter feel about the trip?

Does the teacher at least acknowledge this will be a big step for the both of you? Or do you feel that the teacher doesn't understand your daughter and isn't giving the issue proper thought? Responsiveness is the key here.

I completely understand how you feel. Four is teeny (I didn't send my kids to school until half way through reception for this very reason). However, kids can also surprise you. I've often been very cautious e.g. with sleepovers, starting full time school etc, only to find that when I have let the kids go, they gallop off happily and have a great time. The anxiety is often mine.

AbbyR1973 · 04/03/2014 12:40

I can understand your anxiety as they do seem very tiny at that age, but it will be ok. DS's nursery used to take them on an outing in the summer when most of them were in the 3-4 year bracket. It was fine.
I have a DS who sometimes gets a bit anxious when things are different but my usual tack is to talk to him about what is going to happen in advance with lots of positive reassurance that everything will be fine. You could speak to the teachers about your worries and perhaps get an outline of the day to talk through with your DC.
I think above everything else the most important thing is for you to be able to show total confidence yourself to DC that it will all be fine. DC's tend to pick up very quickly on parental anxieties and this can make things worse. It will be fine, the school will have done this with this age group at least once a year every year and will have had other nervous children like your DC they will be perfectly able to manage any issues that may arise.

AbbyR1973 · 04/03/2014 12:43

PS DS2's reception class were taken on an outing on a coach in the second week of the September term with the rest of the KS1. It really was ok, even despite being new to school.

TeenAndTween · 04/03/2014 12:43

I have helped at a few reception trips. Our school prefers not to use parents of children in yR as helpers as they can be too focussed on their own child to the detriment of others. (In fact if I do a trip with my DD's class even now, I ask for her NOT to be placed in my group).

Anyway, at our school each adult has 4 or 5 children to look after. There is often a less confident one (or less well behaved) in a group and I make sure I keep them close, hold their hand, make sure they don't need to do something eg stroke a goat if they don't want to.

Rather than not letting your child on the trip ask if she can be in her teacher or TA's group (as opposed to any other drafted in adult). Talk up the trip, make it sound exciting and not scary. Tell her the adult of her group will look after her.

(Also make sure she has suitable coat, footwear, rucksac for packed lunch!) Put a little note / picture in her lunchbox so she can see you are thinking of her.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 04/03/2014 13:54

Oh really? Oh ok then. It must just be that our school has plenty of money then because there's been at least two kids recently that have suddenly had a new member of staff with them all day. I don't think either of them have a particular statement of special needs, they're just particularly demanding in various ways. I thought it might be an option for anyone to be able to take up.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/03/2014 14:04

I wish, for so many people on here, that that were true, Ilovemydog.

affinia · 04/03/2014 14:18

Ilove..those children and their parents will almost certainly have been through an awful lot to achieve that extra help. The school don't share details of additional needs and these may not be obvious. My DCs classes also have a several additional staff members who are always happy to help out with others in a superficial way but are assigned to specific children.

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