Feel that ds is being treated rather unfairly by his teacher. Thoughts?

[Rooners]

Hiya

I'm not sure what I ought to do about this situation or how unreasonable anyone is being so though I would ask here (famous last words!)

Ds is in Y6. He is a good boy generally, I mean the sort of boy who tries to appease, is fairly earnest, tries his best and is nearly always polite at school (and even at home tbh).

However he is very disorganised and he tends to fall quite a lot (dyslexia, dyspraxia - recently assessed)

All the boys play out in the playground which is all hard surface, except some surrounding muddy grassy bits they don't go on in the winter. There is surface water, muddy water everywhere.

This isn't the first time but today he got a bit muddy (I say a bit, and I mean a small amount of mud on his shirt - last time it was a huge football imprint!) and apparently his teacher really laid into him.

It wasn't deliberate and he didn't even fall. He was playing with a football, all his class were, with another teacher (the PE guy) and of course took a few hits and his shirt got some mud on it. Hardly any - when I heard this at pick up I assumed he had changed because he just looked normal to me.

They are encouraged to play football by the PE teacher and tbh I don't know how, in this climate, they can reasonably be expected to maintain a properly clean uniform during this activity.

I spoke to his teacher. She was at pains to point out that he is 'always the worst' which makes me feel as though he is being targetted somewhat. She is aware of his recent diagnosis and its relation to his personal appearance and spatial stuff such as falling over.

I pointed out that it was a difficult thing to make sure he stays clean without making him stop joining in with the game. She seems overly concerned with appearance, perhaps trying to prep them for big school next year?

But it seems very unfair. (she is the nominated sports rep for the school...!)
No conclusion was reached in this brief conversation, as to how it could be managed.

I then spoke to the PE chap who happened to be nearby, and asked him to have a word with her as I thought it inevitable the children get spattered with mud and he said he took a few hits himself today. Only thing is he's a grown up and wears a water resistant tracksuit.

Ds isn't allowed to change into sports gear for playtime. I have suggested it before.

So what do we do? I want to make more of an issue of it as he was so upset (said she really screamed at him) that he pretended to feel ill and went to sit by the office for an hour as he 'couldn't take any more'. He was in tears when he came out of school.

Op wouldn't be complaining because her child was told off for being muddy, are we reading different posts? The child was a little bit muddy, and even if he was very muddy the school allows football to be played in school time, it was the way the teacher dealt with it and made her child feel. Making a child feel ill because of the way a teacher has treated them is not on.
I would speak to the teacher again, and I would make it clear that if they need to be told off for anything I expect it to be done in a such a way that doesn't scare my child to sickness. I also don't like to hear he's always the worst one. That would make me think she has taken a pick on him.

I have not been uncivil to the OP. I have simply told her that I thought she was overreacting by making such a big deal of this and also that I thought taking this to the headteacher was really out of proportion. I know it is hard to see our dc upset, but he really does need to toughen up if he is not going to be permanently upset at high school. If it had been my ds I would have said ' oh nevermind ds, you dont look too muddy to me. If he had told me he felt ill because he had been shouted at I would have talked to him about learning to let go of stuff like this. Would have given him a quick hug and taken him to get a nice pud for tea! Really it is a non issue. I am trying to help the OP see this as this will help her ds in the long run. By all means complain, write letters and emails and ask for appointments with the HT. I am sure they will make soothing noises and will suggest boys wash hands before class etc etc. However, in private they will think OP is a bit precious. sorry but there it is from nasty old cansu!

Poor DS.

I would certainly speak to the teacher again and let her know the impact that she had on DS. I would also tell her that you will be monitoring the teacher pupil relationship for signs of improvement.

My DN has gone through similar lately, with a teacher screaming in his face and actually assaulting him. I know how damaging it is.

I don't really see what it's got to do with her. Surely the only person really affected is the one who's got to wash the uniform?
It's winter. Kids play out and will get muddy. No shit Sherlock.
When my class come in muddy, I might say "oh lordie, look at you, do you want to put your PE kit on and stick that in front of the radiator for a bit to dry." End of debate.

Surely a bit of mud is a good thing. DS's knees are covered in mud and he only had a bath last night, but I'm delighted he is outside getting some exercise.

I'd focus on the part where your DS was so upset by what the teacher said that he left the class and pretended to be ill. In the first instance I'd go back in and speak to the teacher calmly to present the facts as your DS sees them to her. I'd be very pleasant about it, but bottom line is that if they are outside playing football in their school uniform, they are going to get dirty.

See how you get on, at least then if it doesn't resolve itself or escalates you can go to the HT and say that you have already tried to sort out with the teacher.

I think mud is good but schools are weird .

I think it's important to remember that kids are different and what one child will shrug off, another won't.

Being shouted at, especially in front of others, can be horrible. I remember once nearly actually wetting myself when a teacher did this to me, at Primary school again, over something equally mundane.

Thankfully this did not happen at all at Secondary school. They were much more professional. Discipline was dealt with through a proper process, whole school system.

I really do think it is unnecessary.

As a y6 teacher I am not in the slightest bit bothered whether or not my children are muddy. Is there more to it?

I think an email to the Head is a good idea.

cansu, I can sort of see your point. We joke a little about ds's teacher as she is very shouty and strict and he is quite sensitive.

However, if something affected my ds to this extent, I hope he would see that I take it seriously. It is VERY IMPORTANT to acknowledge your children's feelings as important, even more so if they are emotional and sensitive. Constantly 'squashing' (the way I was brought up: "Oh, it's not a big deal like she beat you with a stick", "You'll get over it", "Have a good cry and get it all out" followed by zero 'action'), causes it's own pile of issues later.

For me the most worrying part of this is how the teacher makes your son feel. He is feeling victimised, and even if he isn't being, those feelings are real to him. For the teacher to say to the mum of a child recently diagnosed with SEN that he is 'the worst' is very worrying - she should be your source of support, and your son's as well.

I would talk to the HT or perhaps even better the SENCO and explain there seems to be a tension and you would like to see how it could be resolved as it is affecting your son's well being.

In my experience, teachers want to teach and children that can hinder that can be a frustration - it isn't that they don't want to help, be patient....but with 29/30 other children in the class it can be difficult to be everything to everyone. That said I genuinely cannot understand the fuss about a bit of mud, esp if another teacher was involved.