I am losing the will to live with ds's reading

[Onelittlebugbear]

Ds is five in June and started school last September. He could blend three letter words when he started and is now reading unit 11 Dandelion readers. Not sure how these correspond to other levels - red maybe?

Anyway it's unbelievably painful listening to him because he doesn't want to do it, he sounds out a lot of the words still (knows the hfw) but will just say random letters because he can't be arsed to look properly. I know this because if I bribe him with a sweet for every page suddenly there is a massive improvement. I loathe listening to him read, it's beyond irritating. I like reading to him and read to him a lot but listening to him read makes me want to tear my hair out. Mostly he has to be bribed into doing it at all and then he constantly interrupts himself saying "I'm only reading this bit." "I'm only reading this sentence" "I'm stopping after this page"

Any suggestions? I'm tempted not to bother as I don't think pushing it is helping much. He's so tired when he's finished school that that is part of the problem but to be honest he just has zero interest in it.
He isn't very able and I think progress will generally be slow anyway but if he would practice just for five minutes a day I think we would see an improvement.

And stop comparing him to other kids, especially girls who generally seem keener to learn earlier.

He's still very little, I suggest set very small goals (10 words a day is plenty!) and you read lots to him to keep the joy of books alive.

Is frustrating because he can do it! Tonight he read the book that yesterday he couldn't with ease. Argh! It's just so hit and miss. He was also sounding out the words on the window in tesco, which was a first I think. Can't remember him trying to read anything else when out before.

We have some of the songbirds books so will have a look at those. I think he doesn't see any benefit in reading at the moment because we read to him a lot so it's easier just to bring the book to mommy.

He's very little and it really isn't worth a daily battle. If he doesn't want to read, then don't. Take your cue from him.

You could try putting a sweet or other small treat in the book a few pages ahead and if he reads to that page he gets to eat it.

Just back off a bit. At this age it should be a fun adventure not a chore for the child. I speak as a Mother of a boy who will be 5 in the summer. He is still on the earliest books but I can see he is progressing with words as he learns the basics of blending etc in class.
He would seem rather behind if you look at progress reading level wise yet I can see even now that with strong basics he will catch up, but probably not in Reception. His teacher says not to be concerned and I believe her. [Wouldn't have done with pfb].
Relax op!

I'd forget the school reading books for a bit and get him reading everything else instead.
Try asking him to choose a magazine or books from the library, he can choose what ever he wants to learn about.
Get him to read packets to help with the shopping, get him to read signs and play games where he needs to read instructions.

You can do a lot of reading just doing every day tasks without him knowing that he's learning, he's just helping you out.

Try things like each reading a sentence, or paragraph. Sometimes my daughter and I each read a word , or read a sentence and make a mistake that they catch you out on! That at least means they are reading with youth be aware of the wrong word. Or even read aloud together.

Don't be frustrated. He's very normal for his age. That's how your brain works when you're 4. It's so much more important that he's enjoying you reading him stories. Why don't you quit him reading for a bit, or at least back off, and only do it every other day/every few days. You could give him the choice sometimes- do you already? Give him a bit of space with it and he'll come to it- as he has in the supermarket.

Hi, I had a similar experience with my son. Hated reading, it was painful having to make him read in the evenings. Absolute torture. But I stuck with it (every other day), found books which matches his interests and after ONE WHOLE YEAR, he finally started to enjoy reading.
Be patient & good luck, they are small and will come around.

It shouldn't be torture . Torture=child not ready for reading. Quit until they are, or do a bit of blending or something fun that is not torture!

There is a reason many countries leave reading until later- ie 6 or 7. Generally the brain is more ready for it then. If we must do it at 4 in this country then do it as you do other YR activities, fitting in with the child and at the child's pace. I'm sure YR teachers would not want torture for their pupils. GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

First to say, at 4 years old, it is hard to know how able or not your child is. Don't assume he isn't. If he could blend CVC words before he hit school he was a lot further on than a lot of children. What you are describing is not a child who can't do it, but a child who isn't interested. And it is not necessarily because he isn't academic (he is only 4 ), but just a child who is exploring the world in different ways.

Second, I do feel your frustration. I have the same problem with my DD. She is actually doing quite well at reading, and went through a period where she was loving it and wanted to read every night. But then, suddenly, it switched and she decided she couldn't be bothered. So, some nights she reads really well, and other nights it is a struggle to get her to keep still and she seems to struggle, totally guess and just not bother. It is the lack of effort I find really annoying. But, I'm aware that I find it annoying because I have this desire for her to do really well, and as well as I think she can. But that is me doing my pushy parent success success success thing, which I personally don't think is helpful or constructive. So, we have got it going where by she gets a star for the days she does really good reading, and she is working up to collecting enough stars for a fairy. And if she doesn't do good reading, or doesn't want to read at all (normally those things go together), we just stop and I try to make sure I'm not worrying about it.

The stupid thing is that I didn't really 'get' reading (or start reading for pleasure) until I was probably just into secondary school, and yet I have this stupid desire for my child to have a passion, desire and ability to read much much earlier. As such, it is clear and apparent that it is me that needs the chill pill, not my daughter who needs to get on and start reading shakespere (she's 4). Although that knowledge doesn't, totally take away my desires for a top performing child. It just helps me to try and manage them. And if you find any ways of suddenly getting your DS to develop a burning passion for reading, do let me know

We'd leave reading till 6 or 7 if children started school at 6 instead of 4!

Lots of countries have languages which are nowhere near as messed up as ours is.

My mother tells me that she thought I was never going t learn to read, but that it all came together when I was about 6.5. I then became a voracious reader and top of my class for everything except anything that required any sort of artistic or physical aptitude!

He's still very young. Wait a while but keep reading to him - read him stories which are more interesting than school stories. After a few months read him an interesting story, stop on a cliffhanger, leave the book lying about and see what happens.

That's true, that our language is more complex than a lot. Another reason to wait a year or so before expecting little children to master it! . I have no problem with them being introduced to it at 4 or 3 even , but I believe strongly that you need to follow the child at this age and shouldn't push them past their development stage. And that it should be a joy and pleasure, that this is supremely important and if it is not then it is MUCH better not to do it at all.

Drink wine while you are listening to the reading. It makes the whole thing a lot better, believe me.

I could write an essay here and will try not to .
My youngest DD(3) is the same age as your DS, and is reading school books once a week when they send a book home. She interacts with words and books, but there's no pressure from school or home to do more at this point - because she's in reception, and only 4! She's fine, she'll get there when she's ready.
It is relatively easy for me with two older girls to know that reading is a good and important skill to learn through the time at primary school, but it doesn't need to be nailed in that reception year. My eldest DD just turned into a reader, at an early stage and with no real intervention from us; DD2 still struggles with it (age 10) and I look forward to the day (will probably weep for joy) when she sees reading as anything but a chore. What I'm sure I did with DD2 (and regret) was making reading a chore - something that 'had' to be done, rather than something she would love.
So (on the basis of my extremely limited experience) I would definitely just enjoy the books with your DS - read them yourself until he takes over, but try not to feel any stress about levels or progress.
Failed re essay, sorry!

Surely it must depend on the child. That's a bit like describing a nature trail as a neverending succession of trees with bits of grass in between them.

Dear OP,
He is very young so I wouldn't push the "formal" reading at all. I second some of the great suggestions you have already had. Finding a board game that involves simple reading, I love the post it game and if your son has a competitive streak that will be fun. Letting him choose his own book from the library is also a good idea. It might be a good idea to speak to the librarian, explain the issue and your son's interests and ask them to suggest some appropriate books for him to choose from. At this age your aim should be for him to enjoy and be interested in books. Trying to force it could turn him off it altogether. Good luck x

I think he is still quite young IMO. I do understand your frustration though. My 5.4yrs old is like this. He doesn't really want to read, instead wants me to read to him (which I do a lot of), even his school reading books. But he is more willing to read other things like, a sentence written on a chalkboard for example or a few words randomly. I think maybe a whole book is sometimes daunting for them, even if you think it's a short book and they should be able to manage it.
He does like going to the library and exploring the books and he choses books for me to read to him. He still does think of reading himself as a chore though, even though he is pretty good at blending as although he reads slowly he doesnt' need much help to blend - so it's a case of won't do it rather than can't do it.

Does he like computor games etc? I did reading eggs with DS and he really improved with that, although he's gotten a bit bored of it now.