Following on from all the helpful guidance given to me in this thread. I am posting DD's next piece of writing. Until last week she'd written nothing at home since the last piece a couple of months ago. Would anyone be kind enough to level again, or just say if it confirms the first views. I actually prefer the previous story but how does this compare level wise?
More than anything though what would be the targets for DD to work on. Â I'm thinking openings (she's used quite a few thens) connectives, adjectives and different ways to say 'said' - she's attempted it here although hasn't quite got it! Oh and I mean doing the above by simply drawing her attention to good examples in the stories she / we read, not through more writing - unless she's inspired to write more herself, she's just started keeping a completely shared "secret" diary under her pillow (sooo sweet, sorry I know I shouldn't but it just IS so sweet). Â Presumably it's way to early to be pointing out paragraphs?
Spellings and punctuation all verbatim, although she noticed that bacame and everywun didn't look right and asked, which is why they are then correct further on. She asked for help spelling lightening (I needed to mention the e as she pronounces it lightning she then she sounded out the rest), and world. Everything else was sounded out independently.
One fine morning a prince and princess woke up. Â They were very ixcited because they were going to the beach. When they reached the beach a brite light apeared. "It's a fairy!" everywun shouted. The queen said "I wish I could have peas and quiet" and everything bacame quiet. The king said "I wish for fun and games" and everyone startied playing. Then the prince and princess said "we wish for all the sweet things in the world." In a clap of thunder everything was made of choclates and sweets. Then all the children on the beach started stuffing thair faces with choclate and sweets. Sudnly all the children became sick! Then all the children said "my tummy hurts" they wined. In a flash of lightening the fairy apaered. "I will make you better" she said. Then everything went back to the begining.
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Help levelling this writing please #2
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writingblues · 29/01/2014 22:19
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