Oldest or youngest in year?

[LazyLondoner]

If you could choose whether your child was the oldest in their year or the youngest which would you prefer? My summer born DD is due to start school this September but I have the choice to delay a year so that she is the oldest rather than the youngest if I wish. My instinct is to do this as there is lots of evidence about summer borns being disadvantaged but now several people have commented that it can be just as difficult for children who are oldest in the year and get frustrated as they are much more able than their peers. Argh! Any advice from parents of autumn born kids who are the most able in their class - is it a problem?

My son is a July baby and one of the youngest I his year. I never even thought about deferring and looking back I sometimes wished I had as it seems the school use it as an excuse (my son was diagnosed with dyslexia at 7 but until then it was always brushed off with comments like he is young in the year, he will catch up eventually etc) but I don't honestly think I would have done. I believe if you defer the year they will miss out reception and have to start in yr 1 so they would have missed out on all the fundamental basics of starting school and adjusting to school routine etc and also would have missed out on making friends (although they soon do make friends anyway). My second son is a June baby and will be starting school next year and even with my previous concerns I won't be looking to defer the start of his education and he will be starting at 4.

I think you need to contact you your local educational department and see what the rules are about deferring as I believe councils can be different from county to county

Hmmm. Lots to think about....still not sure what to do but interesting to read all your different experiences

My son has an early Oct birthday and loves that he is bigger, faster and stronger when it comes to sports. He also loves that his is the first birthday in the class and feels that it is very special. Academically he is average, very much a middle of the curve type boy. We have no concerns with him at school. Personally, I loved having an extra year at home with him.

My daughter was born in late July and we had the option of delaying her as she was extrememly premature and we could have used her Oct due date as her birthdate to begin school. We didn't delay her as she was mentally ready for school and her nursery friends were going up.

She has turned out to be a very gifted child and it scares me how clever she is. However, she is very tiny and rubbish with anything physical. Part of me thinks that she would have benefitted from being in the year below because of her size. Even now in Year 8 she is head and shoulders shorter than the next smallest child and we struggled to get her a uniform that fits. The rest of me thinks that she is happy and it wouldn't have made any difference because she is still smaller than the year below anyway.

I don't regret sending her at the right time purely because she had the best teacher in the world for Reception and Year 1, who left the school shortly afterwards. That amazing teacher set her up with a love of learning and a huge amount of confidence, which has had a very positive impact on her.

Being the oldest in the year cannot really be a bad thing long term. You may find or feel that they were ready for school earlier than when they started, but this is not a big problem. You can do things at home to keep them stimulated. A good nursery or pre school will meet their individual needs. This being ready, but not in school is such a short phase. The advantages of being socially older and perhaps academically older last throughout school. It is rare to find children who are 'losing out' by being oldest once in school. Life and childhood are short, so having more time at home before starting school is no bad thing. The fact you are almost a year older when finishing school is no bad thing either....there are many years to be an adult.
I totally appreciate that there will always be summer borne, most people don't get to choose and many summer burns are both socially and academically ahead and not disadvtaged in any way. IF you have a choice though, I would avoid it, just because there is more chance of the youngest children being behind socially and academically. However, not something to think exhaustively about, because for most this passes very quickly. For some though it doesn't.

I have twins that made it into the school year by 9 hours, they were born two months prem on the 31st august, initially you could see they were much younger but by year one they were doing amazing, caught up really well and have now left school with a load of brilliant grade GCSEs so to be honest it didn't really make a difference to them, I also have a child December born who is doing equally as well and an april born child who is struggling a lot and really quite behind now, so I don't think it always matters on when they were born

My son is July and the 2nd or 3rd youngest in his year. I wish I had had the choice to hold him back a year. Hes in Y6 now and he was diagnoised with Aspergers last year and also struggles with attention issues.

I remember speaking to the HT about it when we went to visit the school and her brushing off my concerns as PFBism. Of course when a Rec teacher told me a few weeks after he started school they had 'concerns' with him not being able to pay attention for long - I brushed it off as "WTF do you expect - he's only just 4 years old FGS". (not in those words!) THis is why I wanted him held back. ...anyway - it was too late by then.
His literacy is poor, but his maths is OK. Socially, I wish he had been able to stay back a year go gain a little bit more confidence. Also his year group are not particularly nice. Lots of fighters!!. The current Y5 are much nicer than our Y6.

I put my son on the waiting list first and then when a place became available I filled out all the required paperwork. It all happened very quickly and easily. I am not sure you can Fill out the paperwork until a place at your chosen school has become available as technically they don't actually have a place to move to yet but call your local eduction department in the county council and see. Mine had loads of information online and they where very helpful when I spoke to them. Good luck with it all and although if all seems daunting at first it really isn't once you get into it

I think it depends on the individual child too. My Ds is only just 4.5 and is in reception. He is an August born and there is just one child younger than him in the entire year.

I was very worried about how he would settle in and, tbh, all my fears have been unfounded. He has settled in very well and with confidence, has made friends easily and coped with the social 'mores' of school. Most of his friends are Autumn born, so he certainly hasn't been sidelined because of seeming younger. Academically, he's doing fine - for eg, his reading group includes children right across the age range and is probably a good average. His writing really did start from scratch which I expected, but this side of Xmas he's catching up his peers.

There's so much in the media about summer borns being disadvantaged. Some will be, some won't be, and for the vast majority the playing field evens out very quickly. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :-)

It's so much better being older. DS is the youngest and he is physically smaller so tends never to win sports days/PE activities. Despite bring very bright (like every mumsnet child), he would have found the work easier if older. But also generally we (my kids and I) have found the older ones often more confident, bossy, able, powerful, competitive etc.

If you are in London as your username implies (or, indeed, anywhere in England) you need to make sure you understand the situation properly. Whilst you can defer entry for a full year most LAs will then put your child in Y1 unless there is strong evidence of delayed development, so your child would still be the youngest in the year. Furthermore, by delaying for a full year you would have seriously restricted your choice of schools. You might be lucky but there is a strong possibility your daughter would end up in an unpopular school that may be a long way from home.

Both my DC are the oldest in their years as I'm in Scotland and deferred them both. So both are 15 months older than their youngest classmates.

It's been great for them. They were so ready and able for learning. That extra year just made so much difference in their emotional maturity and confidence. I've no regrets about deferring.

DD is third oldest in her year and the oldest girl. She's doing very well academically (she's in year 1), is on the top reading table etc, which I think benefits her self esteem. No sign yet of her becoming bored, and I think this school is good at stretching the brighter pupils.

The only thing that concerns me is that she is v tall for her age and this is exacerbated by being one of the oldest. She towers over her friends and I worry that this will bother her in years to come. At the moment it doesn't seem to be a problem.

I don't really get the logic of deferring: in England the child will simply join its peers in y1 and will STILL be the youngest. He / She will be one year behind everything the class has been doing and social groups will be firmly established.

My August born boy would have seen all his friends go to school and yet he would have been too old to stay at playgroup (and another year would have bored him silly).

It was the right decision for him to go into Yr and just get started really. The pros outweighed the cons.

... and I guess that proves the inflexibility of the system in that apparent choice isn't really a choice at all!

Success at School is mostly about the social life so it depends where they would fit socially. A child who seemed especially immature better to be one of the oldest; a child who turns out to be mature for age fine to be one of the youngest. Sadly you can't really tell how mature a 3-4yo is going to turn out!

I disagree with redshirting in principle, though, so would try to put them with most usual group.

headoverheels, I was the oldest and tallest throughout primary school. I don't think it bothered me overly, and did give me a certain level of confidence. I love being fairly tall now

What happens if you move? Will the new local authority allow the deferment to stay, or would they be forced to skip a year at a later stage to be in a chronological year?

That is a concern even if you stay with the same LA. Some secondary schools insist on putting children into their "correct" year with the result that a child allowed to defer entry to Reception has to skip either Y6 or Y7.

I'm lucky that at her school if I choose to delay her she can start in reception and doesn't have to go straight into year one

Only just spotted this comment. You need to double check this and get it in writing. And don't take the school's word for it. The LA may overrule the school and insist your daughter goes straight into Y1 if you defer.

Being one of the oldest is much more advantageous for various reasons. I was one of the youngest. Had to leave school at 15 and 8 months as turned 16 in August.

It's a classic Mumsnet thing to defer your child. I personally feel that it is what it is and someone has to be the youngest. When you start messing with the cohort, the oldest in the class can be up to 14/15 months older than the youngest/April and May babies then become the new August. It also favours more middle class families who can afford an extra year of childcare.

No one I know in real life has deferred their summer born and as far as I know there have been no problems.

I'm a July born and was always young in my year, my DS is an August born. He's in year 2 and working at greater depth in all subjects. He would have been so bored to be held back. If he struggled we would have been open to repeating the reception year, as would the school.

DD will be oldest in her year when she starts this Sept (5 on the day she will likely start!). She was ready about 18 months ago, through she has matured massively in the last 6 months and has the curiosity to learn more.

I would say oldest for social/maturity reasons, though each child is very different. DD would have been fine if she had been born on time and gone last year. I would also say that being the oldest needs a preschool (and/or parent that keeps them engaged in learning for the year before to keep them engaged and not bored.

Youngest ones are expected to process the same information when their brains maybe are not as developed, as the older ones. And when it comes to leaving, they have to leave at 15 and 8 months.

My DS's were small last time I posted on this thread! One's an actual adult now! Where do people find these old threads to post on? 😂

Same here @OvO! My August born DS was in early years when I wrote my first post, and now in year 10.

For the record, staying in his year group did him no harm whatsoever, and it suited him better to stay with his peers from playgroup. Academically, he's very strong, and socially absolutely no problems at all - he has a very wide friendship group. Oh and at 6ft he's taller than many of his friends. He would have looked like a giant in Y9!

Yes @OvO - I posted about my year 1 DD being older and taller than all her friends. She's now 16yo and 6 foot tall! Luckily she likes being tall.