Hitting/biting/strangling in Primary 2 (age 6/7) -what can teacher do??

[CocktailQueen]

Posting on behalf of my DSis.

DN is in a class with another boy who repeatedly hits, kicks, punches him, strangles him by putting his hands round his neck, pushes him to thee ground at playtime and jumps on him.

Dn is having nightmares about this boy and said he is worried he will kill him if he keeps strangling him.

Dsis has talked to teacher and had a meeting with the acting HT - HT off with stress - but has had no joy and no real progress. Dsis asked what else she should do - she has told DN to use his words, tell the boy to stop, to tell a teacher - but the last time it happened (DN was hit in the class, he went to tell the teacher, and she told him to go away!!).

He comes home with marks and scratches and bruises on his face and body. :(

Surely the teacher/HT should be able to put something in place to prevent this happening??? It sounds (to me) like the boy needs a one to one assistant/an IEP as he has other behaviour problems (can't sit still/listen/concentrate) - but Dsis needs to make sure Dn is safe at school! he has started saying he doesn't want to go to school any more. Please can anyone help?

Come down on them like a tonne of bricks. They have a duty of care towards both boys. Don't care how they do it, but they have to keep it a safe calm environment,

that isn't acceptable. She needs to go in and demand to speak to them about how they will ensure his safety.

That's what she has done and when she asked the HT how she planned to safeguard her son, the HT just waffled about 'the other boy's mother would want him to be safe too' which didn't answer the question at all.

Dsis also directly asked the HT what else DN could do when he was hit - apart from saying no, don't do that/telling a teacher - and the HT didn't answer.

What next?? This has been going on for at least a month. DN has nightmares and has developed migraines.

Write to the Head Teacher and copy in the board of governers, detailing every incident and injury, how long it's been going on for, what the response has been so far (from teachers), and ask how they are going to safeguard your nephew from now on. I would go so far as to take photos of the injuries and include them too.

How the hell can this be happening in the playground with no supervisors seeing it?

Does this boy hit other children too, or just your nephew? If only him, is there a particular problem between the two of them?

It does indeed sound like this other boy needs some help, and maybe this will help school to recognise this and do something about it. I would not be at all surprised if the boy's parents are at their wits end trying to get support for him, and this may actually help them too.

He's little, he's not supposed to do anything else but shout & tell adults.

The only part that makes me pause is whether your DN encourages or provokes the boy; there may be a whole other side to this we don't know about.

when she asked the HT how she planned to safeguard her son, the HT just waffled about 'the other boy's mother would want him to be safe too' which didn't answer the question at all.

The correct response to that is to interrupt "I'm not here to talk about the other boy. I'm here to ask you what you're doing to safeguard my son. So what ARE you doing to safeguard my son?" And hammer on that like a broken record.

I think she'll have to resort to writing letters & demanding written replies. Maybe have to take it to governors if she wants to continue with this school at all.

Thanks Bialy. The other boy's mother has said the school isn't doing anything to improve her ds's behaviour - but Dsis says she doesn't have boundaries and doesn't tell him off. Eg on Friday he bit DN's bottom at school, during a 'game' - and she let him go to an after-school activity that eve (where he needed constant 1 to 1 supervision from a parent volunteer). So not sure how much help she will be.

Other boy does his other dc but seems to favour DN for some reason.

Odd-shaped playground with lots of hidden bits - only 2 playground supervisors!!!

Thank you - I will suggest to Dsis writing to HT and cataloguing injuries.

lljkk - I can't imagine DN provoking the other boy. He tries to play well away from him but the other boy wants to play with DN.

For instance - one episode was when they were having a running race. Dn won and the other boy pushed him to the ground then strangled him. Then the next race, a different day, DN let the other boy win - and he was fine, no pushing/strangling. But that's not really the solution!!

I do feel for the other mother tbh. It can be so easy for children with some more hidden sn to slip through the net until about this age. She may well be really struggling with him but he might not respond to the usual techniques of reward/punishment etc. Maybe she knows that telling him off about something will make no difference.

My ds is also Y2 and has asd (high functioning) and we were lucky we recognised it well before school age, did everything we could to help and teach him. He is now at the point where he is (to even some experienced eyes) indistinguishable from his peers, unless you know where/how to look. He has never had seriously challenging behaviour, but that may well be because we have spent 3.6 years working on behaviour/communication etc so he is more able to communicate his feelings. Despite his diagnosis etc, school still come up with things like "oh they all do that" "he's just like all the rest" etc.

Point of all this is that if a child does have anything going on neurodevelopmentally (not diagnosing this boy of course!!) and it isn't recognised and supported, the age of 6/7 is often the age it starts to become more evident. Aggressive/challenging behaviour is a last resort for a child if they are struggling to make sense of what's going on around them, socially or academically. My ds can struggle with playground games, not understanding the unwritten rules etc, and can seemingly overreact, and without support I can easily see how it could escalate for a child without a diagnosis/support.

Anyway, this is of course all pure conjecture. I'm just trying to say that the mother might be struggling with him but doesn't know what to do. She may fear there is more going on with him than just bad behaviour but is scared to admit it. She may be totally unaware that his behaviour is anything that bad. She may be talking to the school already about how to support him (and protect the other children!). You don't know. Either way, this situation will hopefully make the school actually sit up and take notice and get off their arses to help both this boy, your nephew, and the other children, who all have the right to be safeguarded.