Dd Y1- shy and needs positive feedback

[Yvonne99]

My DD in Y1 is extremely shy. Teacher says she is closed in her shell and lack of confidence makes her progress slower.
I believe she needs some positive feedback and reassurance. However her teacher does not seem to support her in that matter.
When she started reception she was quiet but her teacher gave her lots of praise. Lots of nice comments in her book, she was star of the week few times. My daughter bloomed and did really well.
When she started Y1 she was placed in the top ability group ( as suggested by reception teacher). At the first parents evening her teacher said she is going to put her down as she was not sure what my daughter knows ( because she was quiet). In term three she put her again down, so I think she is at the bottom of the class now.
Every week the teacher gives a child a star of the week - I am convinced a positive feedback would give my daughter a boost ( on anything eg: being at school on time).
The support teacher who does reading with the class motivates my daughter in a very positive way: lots of warm comments in her book. I know my daughter does very well with her reading. Last week, however, my DD did the reading ( for the first time) with her main teacher and the only note she got was a comment on what to practise more.

Do I expect to much from the teacher? Shall I go and speak to the teacher? I am sure she could find something to praise my DD to boost her confidence.

Think I'd speak to the teacher. Not the whole spiel, but just throw the ball back in their court. They think she's "closed in her shell", "lacking confidence", they're "not sure what she knows". So, what are they doing to help boost her confidence? How are they encouraging her to open up?

Don't necessarily judge how she relates to your daughter by the written comments though. Different teachers have a different style there I think. Maybe she wrote what she needs to practice in the book to help you help her, but gave the positive feedback verbally. What does your daughter say about school/teacher?

I do not want to accuse the teacher of doing nothing to help my daughter. And I do not want to ask for praise. I do not want to push the teacher. But I am sure a little something will help and nothing positive is coming.
The second ( and the last) parents evening is at the end of March. Shall I write to the teacher? Ask for a meeting?
My DD does not say much about school. I keep asking but I do not know any details.

Nothing wrong with just meeting with the teacher and noting that you're trying positive feedback at home and find its making a difference, could they replicate that at school for now at least, and focus on the positive. Schools go on a lot these days about parents and teachers working together, and that should work both ways.

I think it would be interesting to know if the teacher has the same manner with all the children. Is she a bit cool with all of them or just your DD? I am afraid that teachers are not always good at teaching every personality type. The teacher may be fine with louder children who don't need to be encouraged to contribute orally.

Whatever the case, I agree that it would be useful to find out what the teacher plans to do to bring your daughter 'out of her shell', if this is what she believes the problem to be.

I'm surprised that the teacher is relying completely on what your daughter says to judge her ability because the children will be engaging in non-verbal activities too.

Does your DD like and trust her teacher? She is more likely to open up if this is the case.

I do feel for you and your DD. Most primary school children need a little bit of love from their teacher to flourish.

The teacher seems to be an enthusiastic person, she is very young. I do not have an idea if she is the same to all kids. She seems easy to approach.
She is not so warm as the reception teacher, but they are very concentrated on learning now.
We thought the problem of shyness was not as serious as at the beginning of reception. But, as said before, the teacher flagged it out during parents evening. Lack of confidence, looking around, quietness, lower ability group.
I exchanged some emails with the teacher two weeks ago and the teacher said that my DD is a watcher, finds it difficult to initiate a conversation with peers. Suggested that any support my DD can get would benefit her ( I asked about tuition).

So the school year is a half way through and I think there is no progress in encouraging my DD...

Had this with DD2 - friend (with older DD) recommended v positive approach. So went in to see teacher. Thanked her so much for supporting DD! (Which she wasn't!). . Asked how I could work with teacher to support DD. Smiled at her every time I saw her etc et.

And she became v supportive of DD and the transformation began!!
Combined with lots and lots of play dates. Short stress free ones.
DD got more and more comfortable with the class and teacher.
FWIW I also offered lifts to parties and got into a lift share for swimming so DD didn't go into places on her own.
Now a few years later v v confident child!

And I owe my friend!

The moving down a set initially could be that she thought it would give your dd confidence to be the best at the second set, rather than bottom (or even middle) of the first. Which can be the case for some children.

Not sure what to make of her moving down again though. As a general thing I would think moving from 1 to 3 in sets (assuming say 5 groups of 6) would be a cause for the teacher to have some concern.

I would ask for a teacher meeting. Not sure I would bring the group up as the main thing. But more ask how the teacher can help building their confidence. You can say she responds well to praise, ask how they can help her gain confidence with her peers-maybe a buddy system.

The star of the week. You say your dd had it several times last year-that either means that last year they gave it to several every week, or some other children missed out entirely. It may be that this year that they only give it to one child a week, in which case it just means your dd hasn't come up yet. They'll be around half the class hasn't had it yet.

My DS1 is happy at school but is a quiet child there (only during school hours - we struggle to be heard above the din when he's at home!) and it was noted in reception and then again in Y1. In the first month or so of Y1 he was hardly speaking in class, wasn't raising his hand to answer questions, was barely changing his facial expression even...
The teacher suggested he went to a "socialisation group" once a week at school with about 3 or 4 of his classmates, I think all of them had various different reasons for being in the group. There was a TA (I think - she may have been the Inclusion TA??) and they did small group work, talking about various things together, practising taking turns, starting & finishing conversations, playing board/team games, building confidence & listening skills etc. We got zero information from DS about the group but the teacher told us before Christmas that he had come on very well in the group and wasn't needing to go to it any more.

I was a bit about the socialisation group when the teacher first mentioned it, and quite defensive of DS (who I'm not sure the school has quite "got" yet), but in fact it worked really well for him. I'm not sure if we could have done as much by ourselves as he is a very different child out of school & much more outgoing/loud.