Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Do you lie to parents about DCs progress?

98 replies

TheNightIsDark · 13/01/2014 22:52

Bit of an odd one. DS is 4.9. Homework on Friday- 2 reading books, key words, tally chart of 3D objects and putting 3 sentences in correct order.

Lots of the parents are complaining that their DCs found it too difficult and couldn't do it. I've found myself nodding along and saying DS did too. He actually walked through it I just had to show him a tally chart was lines for each one not writing 1,2,3 etc.

I feel a bit like I'm betraying him. He's in no way gifted, he just picks things up easily but admitting that at the gates would sound boastful. It probably does here tbh

Do I keep pretending he's not getting it if the others aren't? Or just stay quiet?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SlightlyTerrified · 15/01/2014 14:55

It's only a non-issue if you have never experienced the nastiness that some parents project if their child is not 'top of the class'. I think Huitre puts it pretty well.

If someone comments about my son I often say yes but he's rubbish at this or that, I feel awful but I feel I should justify him being good at one thing by saying he's bad at another.

columngollum · 15/01/2014 17:30

If you can it's better not to get involved at all. It's easier all round.

Euthah · 15/01/2014 19:08

Thank you, Leo, for demonstrating exactly why people might feel the need to lie about their child's progress.

RockinHippy · 15/01/2014 20:20

It is so sad reading this isn't it, I find that its perfectly okay to discuss SN, sporting prowess or anything else at the school gates, but woe betide anyone who owns up to having kids who love to learn & do so easily & don't whatever you do mention the dreaded G&T -

Mines a very bright one too, has exceeded in everything all through school, yet I have to play it down, have never talked about it to anyone there & DD herself didn't know she was on the G&T list until more recently, as Ive heard them bitching already about the ones who they guess to have the brighter kids - probably me too[rollseyes]

I have occasionally had a DM of a DC who are not in DDs groups in any subjects, so not doing so well, go on & on about how bright their own DCs is & how the school fails gifted kids, no G&T scheme there etc etc - as her DS should be on it - even telling me she had complained to ofsted I just knew I had to nod & smile -

Ive had another DM who quite aggressively cornered me demanding to know who tutors DD out of school & how often as seems she had somehow seen the parents evening paperwork when working at the school She refused point blank to believe that no one does - I found myself having to pacify her by reminding her there was quite an age difference between hers - the youngest in class & mine who is an older one - that seemed to calm her a bit, but I know she still doesn't believe me.

So yes, nod & smile & speak without talking - lots of great phrases that are my school gate mantra too above :)

RockinHippy · 15/01/2014 20:25

Stealth boast thread or what?!! You poor people with your 'very bright' children and their not so bright classmates. Amazed at how all the people on this thread seem to be offering advice to the op but slipping in 'my child is very bright too' nonsense. Are there any 'average' kids in the world anymore

& there you go, right on cue

Point made - this is the saddo attitude that means we cannot just be proud that our DCs are bright - sad world :(

simpson · 15/01/2014 20:31

RockinHippy - could not agree more. Had parents eve for both DC on Monday and did not realise how strong academically they both are (well I knew they were bright) to the point where DS is not being challenged at all in maths (I saw his numeracy book - was at what he was doing, and not in a good way ).

So am going to have to think of a plan B for him.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 15/01/2014 20:40

I'm afraid I used to lie but now just answer honestly, see the reaction and walk away.

Notaddictedtosugar · 15/01/2014 20:40

I seem to have completely missed all this. No one has ever asked how DD is doing at school. I know she is doing well, from talking to the teacher, but I have no clue how she compares to the other children in her class, at all, and I don't really want to.

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 20:58

You're lucky Notaddicted. There's a fucking Facebook group for DS's reception class set up by the alpha mummies

Sometimes I'm bloody tempted to shout at them what he can do if only to stop the judgey looks I get because I committed the grand crime of having a child before 25.

But then I would be completely blanked so I'm just going to not say anything unless directly asked how X is doing. Then I'll smile and say really well thank you and walk away.

OP posts:

Frusso · 15/01/2014 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 21:34

We had the nativity. That was bad enough. DS burst into tears on stage and had to be carried off. Obviously this is a stealth boast at how moved he was by Mary and Joseph's plight.

I hate SATs. They don't mean anything except a boost or plummet for a schools reputation

OP posts:

MoominMammasHandbag · 15/01/2014 21:50

Thing is, to me, all this stressing about how bright they are and how well they are doing in primary is pretty irrelevant really.
My two eldest were just like little DS when they were in primary; absolute sponges for knowledge. But at secondary school they had both had a very poor work ethic and seriously underachieved. DS1 has come through ok in the end and is now in a good university, but he is by no means the straight A student he really should have been. DD1 is similar, though she has recently found her niche and is working hard now in sixth form.
So I take little DS2's excellence now with a pinch of salt really. In the long run maybe learning to work in school is of more value than learning to coast.

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 21:53

That's why I'm not up in arms about homework. I'm trying to get him used to the fact that every night he does some reading or key words and every Sunday he does homework.
The problem is in class he's the fidgeting talking one but the teacher says he's not the worst!

I figure the novelty of homework and school will wear off soon and I'll be the one starting "how do I get DS to do homework" threads

OP posts:

simpson · 15/01/2014 22:02

God, an FB page

I am not bothered by homework at all to be fair, whether DD gets any or not.

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 22:03

Yup a Facebook page. Such riveting posts have included headlice updates, reminders for £10 per child donations for teachers Xmas presents (40+ children in reception ) and every post is started "hello mummies of our lovely reception children"

OP posts:

headinhands · 15/01/2014 22:05

A Fb isn't an entirely bad idea though is it. You need the alpha mummy types to have the confidence to start that sort of thing. It could be quite valuable for connecting people.

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 22:08

It can also isolate though. It's just a more public school gate clique really.

OP posts:

Huitre · 15/01/2014 22:22

A Facebook page doesn't have to be awful. Ours is quite nice. It's just reminders about events (cake sales and pub nights and such) and a bit of congratulation for the PTA who do a job that I wouldn't want to do and do it pretty well. I like being able to say well done to people who I don't always see at school and have given up a lot of time to raise money to buy nice things for the children.

£10 donation per child for presents for teachers is just stupid, though. Ours does a teacher wishlist where you can buy actual practical things that would be helpful ranging from pritt sticks and tissues right up to the big ticket playground toys etc. There's something that everyone can afford and feel helpful for buying.

simpson · 15/01/2014 22:23

FB can be great for a disorganised mum like me who loses the spelling list, forgets what the homework is etc

But not for the show offs.

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 22:25

I did say the donation was ridiculous and that having a non set amount donation would be better. I was ignored

The area the school is in though is wealthy so they don't seem to grasp that for me some £10 is a few days electric

OP posts:

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 22:26

It is quite handy for non uniform reminders etc.

It just makes me feel a bit crap sometimes. It's my own fault for looking on it though!

OP posts:

simpson · 15/01/2014 22:28

"Hello mummies of our lovely reception children"

I have never given Xmas presents to teachers before (but have always given an end of year thank you one) till this year as DD's TA and teacher are fab

simpson · 15/01/2014 22:29

But I did not spend a tenner.

simpson · 15/01/2014 22:29

But I did not spend a tenner.

Original poster

TheNightIsDark · 15/01/2014 22:31

I gave alpha mummy a tenner next year DS can just make a nice card.
His TA and teacher are amazing though so I don't feel like I've lost a tenner. He has bowel issues and they've not once moaned about cleaning him up and just said "he's not the first and he won't be the last". Which after having to move his school is a fucking relief!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4