Toilet accidents at school

[Outnumbered3To1]

I have quickly NC as I am easy identifiable to the school with my other posts.

DD1 (in year 1) asked to go to the toilet on Thursday and was told to wait. Came home with damp knickers so was obviously desperate or had to wait too long. I rang her teacher who explained they are reminded to go before each session now and in her opinion she is old enough to wait until next break. So I have told DD1 to use every opportunity to go the toilet but also told the teacher that I don't think she is able hold it every session as she had 2 accidents last term even when they were able to go in class time.

Today DD1 had an accident (after going at break) and wouldn't tell the teacher.

Teachers attitude today is very much "she'll learn or spend alot of time in spare clothes until she does"

DD1 is timid in class, afraid of getting told off and this teachers style doesn't seem to help DD at all. So I'm not sure if its normal for year 1 to be denied toilet requests and maybe DD sensitivity is the reason for issue.

Background. This is about DD1 but DD2 has hypertonia (lax muscles, could be genetic links) and has accidents. School/teacher are aware of this (DD2 is in reception). DD gets nervous and I feel her anxiety is making her need the toilet more. Her relationship with teacher isn't good, her teacher tends to gravitate towards stronger willed children and scares the quiet ones. she seems to rule with fear or rebellion

So what's the norm for access to toilets in year 1? and whats normal if a child asks to go in class time? They have one lunch and two 15 minute breaks day, is this an reasonable amount of time and frequency for toilet breaks?

I know its a pain in the arse to have 30 children all deciding they need the toilet and go and interrupt the class, miss out on learning time and faff about but surely this is a gradual thing for some children. If a quiet child is speaking out, wetting herself or obviously desperate when you know there could be a medical reason for it, they should be allowed to go?

Its been a sudden change so I don't know if to just give it/her time. Or go with my gut and ask the school to gradually work towards break time toilets only.

We had issues with our year 1. We made the school and teacher aware and they were accommodating and sympathetic. It wasn't until year 3 (!) that the school started to shut down on that. Even then, they were still pretty good about it.

Sounds like your teacher is having trouble "differentiating" between kids and their needs. I hope their not like that with G&T or SEN kids .... Oh yeah, they'll just fit in eventually won't they (said laced with sarcasm).

The last thing you need is an anxious distracted child at school. If the teacher isn't going to help make your child feel at ease and help her then go to the head.

She's year 1 so still quite little. She should be allowed to use the toilet as and when she needs to. I'm a TA in our school we do encourage children to use the toilet at play times and lunchtime. However if they need to go they need to go so we always let them go.
It's sounds very unfair of the teacher to behave like this towards your child. I would speak to her if I were you.

Our Y1s have to wait for 10 minutes before or after a break. Otherwise, they are allowed to go, as far as I'm aware.
My Y5s are generally allowed to go when I'm not doing the input or need them to listen. They go one at a time and have to wait for the other child to get back. If we are close to break/lunch, I will ask whether they can wait for 3/4/5 minutes and they are usually quite happy to. I do have three children with 'issues', though,...and they can go at any time.
I don't quite understand the idea of having to wait until break/lunch, although I know that it's quite a common rule at most schools. I don't make a big deal out of it, but we never even had to ask when I was at school...we just quietly went and came back. Mine don't spend ages in the toilets and don't constantly run out, either. If they pop out for two minutes during their independent task, it doesn't bother anyone and generally doesn't stop them from completing their work. They have to ask for permission, so I know where they are, but that's all.

DD is in yr1 and has toilet issues and needs to be allowed to go whenever she needs it even if she has gone 10 mins before at break/lunch time.

So far we have had no issues and I have not even had to speak to the teacher about it. I assume that her reception teacher has filled her current teacher in on the situation. She did have a few accidents in reception.

I would have another word with the teacher about it especially if she is getting anxious about it.

I let children go when they need to (it's selfish really, I would much rather not deal with wet/dirty clothes thanks very much), but I will sometimes I ask if they could wait five minutes while I finish an instruction or teaching element of the class. If the said no, then they could go, but I find children quickly get the idea and tend to wait until I'm not talking if they know they can wait. If it's absolutely desperate, then just go. With littlies, you can tell by the look on their face if they absolutely have to go (or if they're doing the potty dance!).

Your poor DD. Toilets are a contentious issue in school I'd perhaps have a word with the teacher and try to agree that DD will try to go when it's allowed eg breaks, lunch etc but will tell the teacher that it's urgent if she needs to go and cannot wait at other times.

As an aside, when I teach I try to discourage children going to the toilet during carpet or whole class learning time. It seems to spark an epidemic! Hopefully your DD's teacher will be experienced enough to recognise which children are trying it on and which children really do need to use the loo!

For me it would depend on when your dd asked to go. I think it isn't unreasonable to ask a year 1 (without sn) to wait when the teacher's explaining stuff or just before a break.

If one goes then you can end up with half the class going.

Having said that dd got a thing about the toilet in year 1. Whenever the teacher announced they were going change activity she went to the toilet, sometimes two or three times. The teacher was lovely and realised she'd just got nervous about being able to go, so she always let her. The main issue we then had was her hands got cracked and dry from over washing... so the teacher had a little pot of cream hidden at the back that dd had to use after she'd washed her hands.
It took some time (probably 2 years to totally go) for her to stop this, but it was made much better by her teacher's attitude.

our school staff handbook is quite clear that children must be allowed to use the toilet when they need to.
strongly encouraging them to use the toilets at break is fine, discouraging use during direct teaching when it will be a disturbance is fine, but they must be allowed to go
I would clarify with the school if they have a policy on it to start with.

They are not allowed to do this any more. It using breach of the Disability Discrimination Act.

I would be furious about this. My dd is 5y 3m and so probably not much younger than your dd. She was late to train and still sometimes would not be able to wait more than 30 seconds once she realises she needs to go. Fair enough to strongly encourage going at breaktime, a bit like going before you leave the house, but it could lead to massive anxiety and even physical problems if she's denied requests to go. Even after going at breaktime your poor dd is completely powerless to do anything other than quietly panic and wet her pants if she needs to go again. Imagine this being tolerated in the adult world! I went to a one hour antenatal class yesterday where we were strongly encouraged to leave the class at anytime to use the loo and I thought of your poor dd. Could you get a doctor's note saying that she must be allowed to go?

Thanks for the replys.

I went and saw the teacher again who was insistent on the blanket rule on toilet breaks especially with DD "as she has many friends and is influential towards the group" so basically she feels DD will start a whole class synchronized weeing session.

I can't understand a "blanket rule" that DD is singled out as "especially" for her so I booked to see the head.

Just finished up with the HT who is on our side, wasn't aware of this rule on will speak with the teacher and monitor DD. As I am uncomfortable about the teachers reasoning and opinion of DD.

I suspect that teacher's appraisal will be interesting. Good for you.

Some teachers seem to get it and are able to deal with parental concerns. Some just don't get it, but are great at ticking boxes.

Was just wondering how you are getting on?