What would you do?

[initialname]

Just a quick survey really, I'll be very grateful for any replies.

DS is 6, he has no real friends and appears to be 'outcast', he is pretty upset about it all. I have spoken to the school but I'm not expecting miracles as nothing seems to be changing, despite mentioning this to staff many times. I feel this can't go on, but the school he would move to isn't brilliant, where as this school has great results.

So, wwyd? Move him, or hope for the best?

Can you explain a bit?

I would get his confidence up by having friends from nursery / your other friends' children round if possible, but look into changing schools. Sometimes it is no one's fault, the other children might just have different interests and so aren't your son's "cup of tea". Happened to a friend's son who was lonely in his class as all the other boys were really into football aged 7, and the girls were into particularly girly things. He moved schools and is now happy with many friends.

there's no guarantee that things would be any better if he moved schools.

Without details it's hard to advise, but unless he is actually severely lacking in social skills and in need of some therapy or councelling to help him gain such skills, the best plan of action is exactly the same as the Ms-20-something-singleton-wanting-a-boyfriend : stop trying to attract people and make them like you, and find things you find fun - join clubs, take up an instrument or learn to dance - your DS needs to have fun doing things he enjoys, and focus on those activities not on trying to make people like him. With time, friendships will form based around those mutually-enjoyed activities. Neediness is always offputting though even if a 6yo can't articulate why.

Well I think his social skills have been affected by this. It's difficult to try to explain that he needs to stop trying to make friends and just go with the flow. His self esteem has been eroded so much over the past year and a half.

I've watched him, he's so self conscious now, he never used to be, I just don't know what's happened.

I tend to be a fan of moving, but is he actually picked on or is he just lonely?

He tries to play with his peers and they tell him he can't. I've actually witnessed that. He eventually stopped trying to join in and stood a little way away on his own. He floats around like a ghost.

You need to raise it with the teacher, and ask him/her to talk to the other children. Firstly, s/he needs to ask WHY they don't want to play with him. There could be something happening that you can advise him not to do (he always tries to take over, he cries if it doesn't go his way, he only wants to play one game, he follows them around and is too passive....). Then he needs buddies, and a general chat to the class about letting others join in.