Sad, tired DD

[sweetandsourchickenballs]

DD is 5. Started reception in September last year. Happy with the school and no regrets really just starting to wonder if there is anything else I could or should be doing.

At the beginning, DD was exhausted, as we expected. We adjusted accordingly- bed in good time, no clubs etc after school, lots of encouragement, cuddles, chilling out time. Relaxing weekends too. The tiredness continued and as I am sure lots of parents have experienced, the little girl I picked up at the end of the day bore no relation to dd in behaviour.

Over half term and Christmas holiday DD changed, relaxed and was like a different child. But the tiredness continues in term time and so does the change in character. DD is looking pale, drawn and is not eating or sleeping very well. But is fine in holidays. She seems happy enough with what goes on in school but is just generally worn out and sad. Talks a lot about her pre-school and says she misses it so much.

Any suggestions as to what might help? We are still doing the early bed times/ no clubs etc.

Have you been to the GP to rule out anything medical such as iron deficiency? Does she have any other physical symptoms?

Can one of you start being a parent-helper in school? Sounds daft but she might enjoy having you around for an hour a week, and you will be able to observe her interacting with other children, and might pick up on any issues.

Sympathy, my DC1 is the same age and struggles with the tiredness and social sides of school. But we found out there were medical issues behind some of it - hence my questions above.

Thank you. No other symptoms. Has been to GP for another reason and nothing picked up and over Christmas she was fine- got colour, ate and slept well. Looked visibly relaxed. She has made friends and has had a few children back to the house which she thoroughly enjoys at the time but still says she wants to be at home.

Another visit to GP wouldn't hurt and I could look into helping at school- I had been giving her time to settle in but at this stage it might be an idea.

I'd give it time tbh. Assuming this is the first week back, she is probably readjusting to being back at school. My DS is 10 and normally up at 6, but even he is struggling to get up this week after the more relaxed pace of the holidays.

Unfortunately school is just tiring for some children. At least this term is shorter and I think easier. Plus she presumably already knows everything and is used to school routines etc so should be easier on her.

I really wouldn't volunteer to be a parent helper just to be with your child. Some schools won't let parents work with their own children anyway.

does her diet change in the holidays? how much of her lunch does she eat when at school? do they have to have fruit snacks and she doesn't like fruit so skips a morning snack, does she drink enough during the day. That kind of thing is worth looking at.

Some children really do find school exhausting, mentally.

I think if I was you I would make an appointment to speak to her teacher and see what he/she suggests and what they have noticed during the day.

Did she start school already being able to read, write and add up?

I live near a primary school and see many little ones come out at the end of the day looking absolutely shattered.

The UK is the only European country that starts formal schooling at the age of 5. Most others start at 6. Some as late as 7. Doing so full-time at 5 is very, very hard on many children. They are just not ready for it.

Because of the concern over their standing in the SATs league tables, schools have started taking in children who are barely 4. That's insane, IMO.

This is largely a cost of the irregularities of English spelling which make learning to read and write exceptionally difficult.

The Rose report suggested that - for children who are ready - starting to learn to read and write as early as possible was a good thing, because it gave them extra time to cover ground which other nationals don't have to cover. But many children, starting school at a very young age is very hard.

Ds2 was 5 in October. He was very tired last term. Everyone I spoke said the same. Nativity plays. Very long term the autumn term.
Ds2 is happy. Sleeping a lot. And eating a lot.

With both my DS's if they got to the stage where they were too tired to go in - I just phoned them in sick. School office were usually happy with -feeling under the weather and off colour.
DS2 who is young for his year, probably had 3 under the weather days in the first term and then a couple in term 2 in reception. Most were Wednesdays. He's not had a day off so far in year 1.
They're not doing a huge amount academically yet anyway, so she's not going to miss much having a duvet day occasionally.

Ds (5 in June) has been going three full days and two half days, we built him up from just mornings. It's more than enough but the school are now pushing for him to be in full time.

He's an absolute pain when he's tired, can't concentrate, hyperactive, tearful, easily frustrated, naughty, aggressive etc. he drives me mad. His behaviour was loads better over christmas but four days back at school and he's a pain again.

I do think it's too young to start school. I know lots of children do long hours in childcare but it's different from school. There is a lot more expectation put on them, much more to remember, much more independence expected. And for all they say reception is just play it isn't - the government says they have to be reading and writing in sentences by the end of the year. That's quite an expectation to put on 4 and 5 year olds I think.

In fact ds is being an absolute pain right now, I can't wait til bedtime. He's getting on my nerves!

Hi,

Thanks so much for all the replies. Diet doesn't really change at home but she eats far more in holidays. Lunch at school (packed) is never more than half eaten. They do have fruit in the morning but she may not be eating all of it. Definitely an appointment with the teacher might be an order to ask if they can check eating and drinking during the day.

Dd was beginning to write and read when she started school and knew most sounds. One thing I have noticed is that dd seems to be doing very little independent play and wonder if that might make a difference? It is a mixed age class and the reception are allowed to join the year 1s for some teaching if they choose. Dd likes this and I am wondering if she is not getting enough 'down time' as she needs at this stage?

Paper mover- that is a ridiculous amount of time without access to a drink! I think dd may not be drinking enough and I will definitely ask about this. They have access to water bottles in the class but whether drinking is actually encouraged I don't know.

my ds1 was like this along with lots of headaches in Y1.my gp told me he sees lots of children this age like this and it is the strain they are under at school.

DS was shattered after the first term of Reception. Tired, grumpy, emotional and behaviour not great.

The first term is hard - it's long, getting dark in the evenings when they come home, new routines and then nativity, parties and general Christmas chaos to finish!

First couple of weeks back after Christmas I seem to remember he was still tired but it got better. Half term will be here before you know it and then the nights get lighter and DS coped much better. By March he was fine and we enjoyed doing things after school again instead of just collapsing in a heap!