Dealing with a younger sibling who is far less interested in learning than his brother

[lecce]

Apologies for the mouthful of a title - I really didn't know what to call this.

I am slightly concerned about ds2 (4) but worried that I may be comparing him unfairly to his brother (6 yr2). Ds1 has an enormous thirst for knowledge. He loves history, science, astronomy and the natural world and his knowledge of these topics is impressive. His teachers have always commented on his knowledge and understanding of the world and he seems, from what I can tell, to have understanding of many aspects of these topics, rather than just recalling facts. Recently, I have realised how this has helped with his reading (his teacher tells me he is one level below free-reading, though he reads harder stuff independently at home) as he is already familair with many of the topics and concepts covered in reading books, making it easy to test his comprehension.

Anyway, ds2 is nothing like this at all . He is only interested in Hello Kitty, princesses and anything pink and glittery. Over the holiday, I have realised how weak his general knowledge is - he didn't know the word hospital (as in where do nurses work?), he didn't know the name of the country we live in etc. On the positive side, he is loving learning to read and has cracked blending cvc words, is keen to do board games, baking, maths games etc (all activities - that ds1 has been reluctant to do - he would rather choose his own activities.)

I am just a bit worried that we have taken our eye off the ball and let ds2 down rather. Teachers have often said to me that it is clear we do a lot with ds1, but we really don't - he has just steamed ahead regardless. We have done nothing more than provide books, museum visits when we can, access to the internet, and talk to him. In the meantime, ds2 doesn't seem to have picked anything up and I am worried he will struggle. I feel like ds1 is doing really well, but we have had no input into this and therefore can't repeat the process for ds2, iyswim.

Anyway, sorry for the waffle - any advice on what I need to do with ds2 would be great.

I think it's natural but futile for parents to compare their children. Your DS2 sounds like a very normal 4 year old IMHE enjoy him for who he is

Chill!!!!!
I have a ds2 4 year old. He is very different to his brother re learning.
He is just a different boy. Try not to compare....

I have the same scenario but one year on the gap is closing, although they will never be the same. On the upside ds2 is very sociable and a much more assertive personality, so they each have their strengths. I would also say that sometimes it is down to maturity as well.

Much the same here, academic older DS with comprehensive knowledge history, geography, good at maths, interested in current affairs and obsessed with sport. Younger DD playing at being a puppy most the time with poor general knowledge, and no wish to improve it, she hates me telling her things and asks me to stop being a teacher. We haven't spent much time teaching DS, it's mostly been talking and just pointing him in the direction of things he enjoys. But DD doesn't enjoy all this, she just wants to muck about. I wish she liked maths games, as it would improve her poor mental maths! She just wants to play make believe, though she does also like cooking and anything crafty or arty. I've found it impossible to do anything but go with what she wants, but it does worry me, she is miles behind her older brother, it's impossible for me not to compare them at least a bit, I suppose she'll have to make her own way in life, and unless there is a marked change, it won't be the academic route I followed, which is why I think I find it so worrying.

Your son is 4. It is not necessary at this age to crack reading or play math games. It is necessary for him to develop social skills, have multi-sensory experiences, play, imagine and create. He sounds perfectly normal in his likes. You have nothing to worry about.

I have 4 children, all very different academically, artistic leanings, sporty etc. do not feel you have let him down he is only 4

Thank you for the replies.

I don't want it to sound like I don't appreciate and love ds2 for who he is - I do! It is so hard not to compare, though, especially as others do too. When he went on a taster day to the school in the summer, a ta attached to ds1's then class came up and said, "Oh, is this lecceboy's brother? I look forward to working with him as Lecceboy is amazing!" I found myself tongue-tied as I couldn't think of a reply that wouldn't have sounded derogatory to ds2 - "Oh, they're very different," would, imo, have sounded like a criticism of ds2 in that context.

As far as reading is concerned, I know ds2 has got off to a good start (better than ds1 at this stage) but I'm not sure how he will progress if he is not interested in things. Ds1 is motivated to read because there is so much he wants to read about. I can't see the same being true of ds2.

But yes, he is very imaginative and creative and is, according to the teacher, coming out of his shell socially, so I should probably stop worrying .

My 2 boys are exactly the same

DS1 (yr3) has always been top of his class for maths/literacy etc and is showing signs of becoming a talented goalkeeper but not interested in arty stuff. DS2 (reception), otoh, loves to act and spends most of his time in 'character'. He can barely write his name, cannot blend sounds yet but does seem to have a good grasp of numbers.

I have accepted that DS2 is not going to be the high flyer that DS1 seems to be but he has talents elsewhere. For example, at the end of the Reception nativity play, the teacher called DS2 to the front for a special mention due to his enthusiasm and performance throughout all the rehearsals and performances. I was as proud of that as I am of DS1's achievements

At 6 and 4 you have a pair of boys with different interests, strengths and personalities. Both engage in different ways and in different things. Do not compare and do not expect the same from each.

I really can't see anything to be concerned about.

(And I say this as a parent of 3dc, one if whom is G&T in every academic subject, while another could not be assessed for literacy because he virtually never writes anything. OTOH he is clearly bright, developing, can write a bit and is engaged in what interests him. He is still only KS1 - in many countries he would not yet have started formal education!)