class bully honed in on my DD

[kilmuir]

I moved my DD age7, to join her younger brother at village school in Sept. We are forces family and moved here ayear ago. At different schools as no room for both. DS had to go in before and after club, so thought would be ideal when space was available.
DD has joined a mixed year3/4 class, she is one of the youngest.
DD is shy but seemed to hit it off with another girl there. this girl is good fiends with the 'bully'. the bully has taken it upon herself to put a stop to their relationship. She takes the other girl away and tells my DD she will have to play on her own as no one likes her. she pinches DD, pokes her with pens, pushes her off chairs and so on.
DD said she was unwell this morning, when i took DS into school i spoke to DD teacher. she told me DD had been quiet recently, I told her she was having problems with another girl. She asked that i get back to her when DD back in school.
I now regret moving her from old school, yes i know i am over reacting, but not sure how to help DD. she has written on her gift list that she hopes she can make some friends, i nearly cried.

Tell the teacher to sort it out and if she doesn't then send your daughter back to the old school. A school should know how to deal with a bully. If it doesn't then your daughter is in for a rough time from here on in.

kilmuir

we've never moved school and I can assure you at our school (and freinds' children's schools) this happens a lot of the time. It is unfortunately what girls do - well some girls - some girls will try and control/ manipulate friendships.

So first of all relax. This is unfortunate - but happens, even to adults. It's a control thing - and probably stems from the fact that the 'bully' as you call her is really frightened to be on her own at break. Rather than see her as a bully, see her as a bit damaged. There truly is something wrong at a young age if you can't see most of the kids in your class as friends.

Our solution has always been to ensure that our DDs understand their friends can have other friends and are aware of how they can have a good time at break time on their own (playing on the climbing frame, the bars, hop scotch, scooters, drawing on the playground in chalk, rescuing ladybirds, making art of leaves/ twigs/ flowers, etc...). We also really stress that everyone in their class is a friend and come down on both DDs like a ton of bricks if we find out they've been unkind to others at school.

The run up to Christmas is a really weird and stressful time for us grown-ups and it probably isn't a surprise that kids find it stressful. Certainly we've noticed a lot of friction/ fights between kids (ours included in one case) this week.

Our solution with one friend who DD2 is rarely allowed to play with, is to just have play dates at home (weekends/ after school/ over holidays) where they can play one on one without the schoolyard issues.

HTH

Yes, i know girls at this age can be a nightmare, i have told DD that the 'bully' girl, sorry not sure what other word to use, may be feeling a bit put out if she feels my dd's arrival has affected the relationship with other friend. I did say surely everyone can play with anyone? No one person should dictate.
Going to enjoy the christmas break and see how things go in January.

I live in an area where there are a lot of small village schools, and have heard about similar problems from friends, in situations where there are only a handful of girls of the appropriate age group because the school is so small. If that is the case, you may find the situation can't be resolved because there just aren't enough children to allow for any shifts in friendship groups. This is one area where bigger schools do have an advantage over smaller ones.