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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Talk to me about play dates

18 replies

Goldchilled7up · 13/12/2013 11:48

Related to the other thread that I've posted I thought about inviting a child from my son's class for a play date at ours to help him improve his social skills.

He's my only child, so all this is new to me. How do play dates work? Do I invite the child and a parent to my house, let them play and chit chat with the parent?

Talk to me about play dates please

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Middleagedmotheroftwo · 13/12/2013 11:53

How old are the boys? If they are young, then for the first time at least, I would invite the mother. I would say invite them for an hour after school, give them a bit of a snack when you get home, and then just let them play.

If a parent doesn't come with the other kid, then set a time for them to collect.

Original poster

Goldchilled7up · 13/12/2013 11:58

My son is 4, the other children in his class are either 4 or 5. I still haven't decided who to invite, he doesn't have any close friends, hence the reason for the play date.

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redskyatnight · 13/12/2013 12:04

At that age I'd say you suggest to the other mum that she is welcome to come along too, or to pop in for a bit and have a cup of tea - whatever she is comfortable with. That gives her options to stay/stay for a bit/not stay.

I'd say for a 1st play date, keep it to a maximum of 2 hours, and only offer a snack (not proper tea). In general I'd suggest leaving them to their own devices, if they seem not to know what to do, have some ideas up your sleeve - "Why don't you get out the train set and build it up?" or whatever.

If you're not sure who to invite, ask the teacher for suggestions.

ChristmasJumperWearer · 13/12/2013 12:04

Find a nice mum (ideally one who seems to know others) and invite her and child for play and tea. Keep the food simple, pizza, nuggets, sausages, child-friendly. Or invite a few, if you have space and can bear the noise!

Play dates filled me with horror at first but have proven to be very important for DD and I in building friendships.

Now she is in Y1, the play dates are also brilliant to keep in your pocket for when you need childcare or just need a break, and you can offer for others. By doing regular play dates I have managed to build up a bit of a support network (only needed it once) and it's great.

Original poster

Goldchilled7up · 13/12/2013 12:08

Thank you for the great suggestions

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planestrainsautomobiles · 13/12/2013 16:22

My DS1 is in Y1 and we have regular playdates but I do remember thinking back to the start of YR and wondering about 'playdate etiquette'.

I think its best to serve a simple tea rather than just a snack. Some children start to get hungry around 4.30pm so you could serve an early tea and then ask for the child to be picked up around 5.30pm.

Agree that you should also invite the parent / carer to come along or if the child is happy, its sometimes easier if just the child comes. Everyone loves a playdate, children love walking home with their little friend and making it known to the whole class "that they're having a playdate" ..... if they're anything like mine!

Original poster

Goldchilled7up · 13/12/2013 17:47

Great. Do I offer tea to the parent as well? Sorry if its a silly question, but I really have no idea.

OP posts:

UC · 13/12/2013 18:14

No need to offer the parent tea - unless it's brown & in a mugwith milk!

pixiepotter · 13/12/2013 18:38

The norm here is host picks both children up from school.Quick snack (biscuit and juice) when het back the house.Tea about 4.45. Guest child's parent picks up at 5.30.
Around here parent would not be expected to come too, so while you could invite them , don't make it sound as though they are expected to come.

PeanutButterOnly · 13/12/2013 20:06

I was terrified about playdates when DS1 was in Year R. He's now Year 5 and I like them for both him and DD who's in Y2 now. This is mainly because the kids love them, it's great for the their friendships and I've noticed that my own 3 are easier to manage when there's a guest here! However for DS2 who's 4, an Aug birthday in Year R I am not rushing into it. I know now that there's plenty of time! But having said that he is very keen to have people home after school, copying his siblings. I agree with tea at 4.45 and pick-up 5.30. For slightly older ones the etiquette here seems to be tea at 5 and pick-up around 6.

Original poster

Goldchilled7up · 13/12/2013 21:28

Thank you for the valuable information

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mummy1973 · 15/12/2013 21:09

Some parents will welcome being invited too if they don't know you. So you could see if parent and child can come for an hour after school for a play and cuppa. If that goes well you could suggest child comes back with you after school for tea on their own one day. Pickup by 6 latest here!

Original poster

Goldchilled7up · 16/12/2013 10:01

Thanks mummy1973 that makes sense, I wouldn't feel comfortable either letting my child go to someone's house that I don't know.

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jamtoast12 · 17/12/2013 20:34

Def offer tea! Most kids starving by 4:30pm. I'd also only invite one as it gives more quality time. If your child is shy etc, any more and he may get lost in the group. 6:30pm pick up is normal round here given most parents not home from work til 6pm to collect etc.

PastSellByDate · 20/12/2013 14:51

Hi goldchilled7up

There are no rules to playdates besides your own.

I've had parents invite DDs round and offer me lunch, others say bye then, we'll see you at 5 p.m. and everything in between.

I personally try to offer tea/ coffee/ biscuits when a parent arrives, but make it clear it is about the kids playing together.

I try to arrange food (lunch or dinner) but let the kids help make it (so putting on toppings for their piece of pizza, etc...

Great activities:

going to park
flying kites
playing board games
make things: biscuits, presents for mother's day, etc...
go to a movie.

As the girls have got older (Now Y4/ Y6) - we've arranged things like going to a movie or swimming.

HTH

Original poster

Goldchilled7up · 20/12/2013 19:13

Thank you for all the suggestions

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VenusDeWillendorf · 20/12/2013 19:58

If you're feeling a bit overwhelmed about a play date with all the 'hosting' that that may involve, take a friend around to the park after school. Bring a snack for them and tell the other parent to met you there after about an hour.

That way you meet the other parent, and you and your kid have a non intense hour with another kid. Also it stops kids thrashing your house.

Fwiw, I loath play dates, and didn't have children over until I was sure they could toilet themselves. (Terrible experience with a 5yo who needed me to wipe her after having TWO of the stinkiest shits I have ever, ever smelled, which still makes me feel ill, when I think about it). She has been lately diagnosed as coeliac, and i recently learned that she hadn't had a poo for two weeks before that play date...... Omg.

Some parents left their kids with me till after 8. And some expected a glass of wine and stayed talking from 7till 9pm..... I had had their kids for 5 hours by that point and was ready to take to my bed!!

Make sure the other parent knows about what time to collect. And that they're not viewing you as the minder. Make sure they can toilet themselves.
Set strict boundaries.

Enjoy!!

shebird · 20/12/2013 21:47

Eeww I've also had the 'wipe my bum' thing on play dates which just so so wrong yet tricky when a child is obviously used to having their arse wiped. I just say 'why don't you try and mummy can check when you go home' and run away.

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