got a prospectus from our local independent ps and

[Xena]

It sounds perfect for DS1 exactly what he needs but
We have 4 dc's and for quite a while would have 3 attending ps at the same time which would give us a bill of 20k a year or 1500 pcm. Could I just send ds1? dd1 definatly and dd2 younger so harder to tell but probably will do well any where???

Unless there is a very specific reason why you ought to send DS1 and not the others, I think it would be very hard to do this. You need to know that you could fully justify this choice to your children in the furture should they ask you.

Not at primary but secondary level, my dh was sent private but his sister wasn't. Nothing sexist about favouring a boy's education. They just felt they could see dh going off the rails somewhat at his local secondary, very easily led etc whereas his sister much more confident in herself and not easily led.
No ill feeling between them ever over it.

DS's class at his current school has really strugged for 2 years (supply teachers badly behaved children etc) when we went to parents evening they told us that the top group is doing the work expected of the bottom group in yr3 (ds is in the middle group) that as they have been basically left doing nothing for a year with constant supply teachers who spend there whole time controlling badly behaved few, they have lost the motivation to work and get on with things. We saw the head teacher at the end of yr2 and he assured us that the new head taking over this year would get on top of things, to give him his due he is trying but imo its to late. DS has 3 years left at primary and in 2 years we will have to decided his secondary school I don't want him behind before he gets there.

posey that describes ds and dd perfectly

Xena - tha situation you describe sounds just like dd's primary about 3-4 years ago. Fortunately for us it was the other class in the year that was affected, 2 years of poor supply teachers, ineffective head etc. Lots of parents moved their kids with the result being that the class had a large proprtion of disruptive kids and they really fell behind. New head now, teachers sorted, classes re-mixed, but its easy to tell which kids had the supply teachers for the best part of 2 years. They really were let down.
Sorry not sure if thats any help whatsoever.

I can see where you're coming from, but I couldn't do it. I still bristle when my sister discusses their family schooling arrangements- 2 sons go to different independent schools (one academic, 1 Steiner), 1 daughter goes to local comp, and that is where other daughter will go too, probably. GPs are paying for the boys, not the girls. Not fair, IMO. There is a perfectly decent boys comp that they could go to, though the one at Steiner, who is rather more arty and less academic wouldn't then pass as many exams as his brother (but he probably won't at Steiner either...)

My dd is starting at local (decent) primary and will stay there unless she is clearly failing somehow. All of us were educated in the state system (my Mum had no choice ) and did well, and it seems unfair that sister's sons are being "favoured" financially by their paternal GPs.

As Hulababy said, you need to be able to justify your decision to your dcs later on. If you are thinking of giving your ds 2 years in an independent school, then perhaps reverting to the local comp at 11, it doesn't sound hard to justify to me. Your dd has not had to put up with 2 years of poor supply teachers and an interrupted education.

If you feel that the new head can sort things out quickly then great, if not, I know that I would look around at other options. If not the local private school, is extra coaching an option to help make up for lost time and to recover his motivation?

a pain driving around

also if school is that bad you won't WANT to send dds there

There are several families at our school where one child has gone to one school and one to another - provided you have a good reason and it is well explained to the family it can work perfectly well. School has no expectations or hidden "attitude" about not getting their hands on the entire family!
Have you checked if the school offers a sibling discount - ours does. Not massive but it does help.

You could look at it a different way and disregard the fact that one school is fee paying and the other isn't. You are just choosing the school where each child will do well.

If you send one private then the money you would have spent on the other two going can be used in other ways to benefit the whole family.

There is no point in paying for anything which is surplus to requirements.

Precisely zippi. A colleague has done this for his two dds and it has not upset the family dynamic one jot. In fact, because it helped the older one become a far happier child, as you say, the money spent on her benefitted everyone including her younger sibling, who was a perfect match for the state primary her elder sister hated.

We're contemplating doing this for dd2 (the other two have been to our local Catholic primary). I know some people feel that you can't do it for one child and not the other, but I think it all comes down to their individual needs, as well as the schools available (where we are, most secondaries are single-sex, for example, so the calculations are different for girls and for boys).

It is a balancing act, though -- I would for example like ds to have a bit more individual attention in his current class, and I know he'd love to be at the kind of prep school that does proper competitive sport, for example. But overall he's doing fine and has a lovely set of friends, so I think it's good enough for now. Dd2 otoh has an very low boredom threshold, is bright but with slight language delay, and is extremely wilful and quite naughty. It's an explosive combination, and I really don't think that the school my older two have been at is going to meet her needs.

I think it does depend on the degree of financial sacrifice that will be required of the family, though -- I wouldn't want to be in a position where family finances were constrained to the point that other children were restricted wrt eg. school trips abroad, holiday camps, music lessons etc. because of one child's need for private schooling.

As long as it won't affect other children apart from the issue of which school they go to, I think it's perfectly justifiable. To assume otherwise implies that the private option is always better for all children in the family, which I don't think is the case. We turned down a scholarship for dd1 to one of the very academic London independent schools in favour of her new state secondary without a backward glance.

Hopefully enid this new head is going to pull the schools 'socks up' so to speak. dd1 is alot more confident in her abilities than ds1 (completly op to her brother) she starts school in jan and the teacher she has been asigned is great consistently there etc. I'm hoping that we will have moved before she gets to junior age dd2 and ds2 are still really little and hopefully we will move before dd2 starts reception.
Ds1 needs to catch up and he needs abit more confidence in his abilities which I think the school in question with its much smaller class sizes would do for him. We would then send him to a local comp where we live.
Marina I think that you recommended this school to me a year ago when I was worried at the end of year 2 the situation is worse now.
We are also considering a tutor a couple of times a week he would arrive at school an hour late twice a week. going to see another lady next week

Message withdrawn

I have CATed you to see if I can help at all Xena. I remember our chatting about this and am very to hear for you and the school in general that this is happening. It used to be a great place.

thanks marina.
TBH I thought the new head teacher was just there to see his time out to retirement but he seems to be getting stuck in and isn't sweeping all the problems under the carpet is actually dealing with them. Just its to late for ds1 they had supply teacher after supply this year. They have been given the two 'top' teachers for next year to hopefully pull them up abit, but I am scared of 'waiting and seeing' again.

I went to private school (Secondary) while my (older) brother continued at the naffest state secondary in town.

No hard feelings at all between us - the private school was better suited for me because of my music - whereas it wouldn't have suited him.

I went to private school (Secondary) while my (older) brother continued at the naffest state secondary in town.

No hard feelings at all between us - the private school was better suited for me because of my music - whereas it wouldn't have suited him.

I think that given advice the best thing will be too keep ds at the current school but get him a tutor for maybe 3 days a week 9-10am. Then make sure we move in 2 years so that he goes to a good secondary. Because tbh we want to move to a different area anyway and we will need to move before ds goes to secondary so he will need to move ps as well iyswim

My gps paid for me to go to a private school when i was 5 beause of huge distance to local school. By the time my b and s were school age we were in the catchment fro a great state primary - so they went there. BUT through exams and selection to diect grant scool, i stayed at the private / direct grant school, and they went to local comp. I know it is still an issue to this day with my b&s, although they try not to make it personal against me.

We will be doing this. DD is currently in specialist music school with a scholarship. She was not getting on at her state primary and was so sad all the time.

DS is so robust don't think he'd notice if someone was bullying him!

However should the situation change we will somehow manage to send DS private too.