Could do with some advice please think ds is being "dumped" in the school nursery

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

The title sums it up really

Ds1 started reception in sept he's a summer bday so only 4 I posted a while back re him not settling and possible glue ear. Glue ear and moderate hearing loss has now been confirmed. I was aware the prior to this he had been put in the sen group so they could spend more time going over phonics etc and these sessions would take place in the classroom inside the nursery. However ds is coming home every night saying he's playing in the nursery with the nursery teacher not the sen teacher ds2 and my nephew also attend the nursery and have been saying they're playing with ds1. My other nephew is also in reception with ds1 and he hasn't been going to the nursery to play he's said it's just ds1 and another boy. Am I reading too much in to this here? I'm aware he struggles to concentrate and he is difficult but I didn't put him in to school to mess around in the nursery for 6 hrs a day

We didn't know why he was the way he is until last week iv been fobbed off for years and told he just plays me up there's nothing wrong and no one would refer he went to a different preschool and I chose the school bcos he doesn't like big crowds etc and thought it'd be better for him to b somewhere where there's only 12 to a class as thought he'd feel less stressed there. I'm taking him to a private ent consultant so hopefully I can get his hearing sorted

I really feel for you and your ds op.
I have been there with ds starting reception last year. His problems are different, mild glue ear was one tiny aspect which in real terms didn't impact ds, for him it has been speech disorders that meant that at 5 he had the speech of a 1 year old (but understanding age appropriate), sensory processing disorder and overall his has suspected Asspergers syndrome but that can't be confirmed until he is a little older and his speech has improved further. Like you we didnt have profetionals take concerns seriously until reception and then all we seemed to hear was about the problems, the disruptions, how behond ds was and for us it was also other children being hurt. It was an incredibly difficult time with allot of information to take on board for everyone involved with ds and we had to admit that ds had even more problems then we had let ourselves admit to (so many times when ds was a toddler I would watch him play and the word autism would start running through my mind and I would reassure myself with stereotypes to avoid the truth)
We are now a year ahead of where you are but it seems we have had the benefit of a very supportive and proactive school where you, right now at least do not.
Come over to the special needs children board (not the special education ones as they tend to be too slow) and there are so very many wise and experienced parents there who can help you. You have made a really positive start in contacting the NDCS but there are more things you will need to push for. I would recommend as others have said a meeting with the SENCO. I would ask for a CAF (common Assesment framework) to be done, push for him to be seen by the educational phycologist and after he has seen the ENT a TAC meeting (team around the child) this is a meeting where everyone involved with your ds can come together to talk about how he is doing, what is already in place to help his access his full time education (for which he has a right to even as a 4 year old), make plans for how to continue supporting him, plan the next steps and crucially, support for you and the rest of the family.
I know it all sounds really daunting and you must be so worried and upset at the moment. It's really hard to take in and accept that your perfect child has some tough obstacles to get over just to be able to get within reach of what the vast majority of children and family's take for granted.
You aren't alone in this, neither is your ds, post in special needs and if you want to pm me even if it is just to be able to talk about it to somebody who has an idea of what it's like I will happily listen. All the best to you and your ds.

Thank u I think ur right maybe acceptance might make it easier to help him. Tho I do keep feeling bad contacting ndcs as it is only glue ear and he will grow out of it other parents contacting them aren't so lucky. I have had concerns about his behaviour and I actually was thinking asd at one point but audiology said his behaviour is v typical of a child with glue ear/hearing loss. But they've not really given me any ideas as to how to help him just said he needs to blow his nose he's 4 and I've spent the last 2 yrs trying to teach him how to blow his nose but he still can't do it. Ndcs have sent me a leaflet that I can give to school just waiting for gp to call to sort private referral and I think I'll ask for a meeting with his teacher & senco after I've seen the consultant as I'm paying £200 surely they can tell me wot needs to b done at school until we can improve his hearing

A private referral does not really help the school though. You need to go through the school and the school support network, eg attached educational psychologist. Good advice from others too. The consultant is not an educational specialist. They are a medical specialist so are unlikely to offer advice on classroom management or teaching strategies. Also, it is highly unlikely a state school can fund a teacher for a class of only 12 children, therefore it seems likely they are mixing nursery and reception for their early years education. However, do insist your DC is in the right class and ensure that his education is discussed fully with you. Small schools can seem very cuddly, until a challenging child comes along. This could be something the school has little experience of and is taking the easy way out. Be aware that parents can gang up against such children. I have seen this happen a lot in my professional career so try and get other children to come round for tea, help with the PTA and get involved. Sorry if this sounds negative, but some parents can be negative and the school panders to their wishes. I really do hope you get this sorted out.

My dd1 had glue ear for a few years- it affected her confidence and speech a lot. The consultant at the hospital kept saying to come back in six months .... Eventually it cleared up but I would ask your hp/health visitor to get you bumped up the list as your son sounds like he needs support- I wish I had been more forceful and pushy with regards to getting my dd support. X

U don't sound negative just realistic I know all the mums think he's naughty iv been to most of the PTA meetings since he started and iv dropped in conversation that he can't hear but I think he's been labelled the problem child and it's going to stick. I don't think there's anyone he plays with really to b able to invite over for t. Iv just spoken to an audiologist from ndcs and she's referred us to a family officer and given me some info on local groups that will be able to help with school. She said schools often don't know how to deal with children that have hearing loss and it's good they have him in sen but they sound like they're over looking a couple of things. I think tbh if the consultant can help him hear then he wouldn't need special treatment at school.

Children don't mess about in a school nursery. A nursery class is taught by a qualified teacher with support of one to two nursery nurses. I don't think that six hours in nursery is the end of the world, unless you have concerns that he will not make friends with children in his year group.

It is very common for schools to combine the nursery and reception classes as a large foundation stage unit. Often there is very little difference in development between a summerborn reception child and a winter born nursery child. Schools assess children to see where they are and provide the learning experiences the child needs.

A september born nursery child who is very bright might be ready to learn to read and write. There is little point in trying to teach writing to an august born boy who can't yet draw a circle how to write.

He's struggling to make friends so 6 hrs jn nursery away from his peers that he's going to be with for the next 5 years jn my mind is a big problem. I'm not saying he's Einstein but he certainly isn't daft he's fantastic with a pencil his drawing ability is well above average for his age and he can write his full name so yes I have a problem with him messing around in a nursery when the rest of his class r learning.

I think you need to have a formal meeting with your child's teacher to find out exactly whats happening. Many schools have the nursery and reception children freely mixing for much of the day. The children pick the activites and those activites can be in either classroom.

Small children don't always relay information accurately.

I'm taking him to c a private ent consultant hopefully next wk or wk after then when I know what they will do to help him to hear I will have a meeting with the school as that way I'm armed with some information. I know that my ds could b telling me the wrong info however ds2 is in the nursery as is my nephew and my older nephew is in reception with ds1 and these 3 r telling the same story as ds1. When he started telling me he was in the nursery I assumed he was talking about his sen sessions but turns out he's actually just playing with the toys. I know nursery & reception mix but this is at set times on set days my ds is going in every day according to the 4 of them. This could well be time for him to unwind as a pp suggested but I feel I should have been informed as it just looks to me like he's being put in there for the easy way out. I fully appreciate he can be difficult but it's not his fault he can't hear iv asked if the school nurse could support but apparently she won't be in until February and I understand that while he's not purposely being disruptive other parents won't want him upsetting the "lesson" for their child but surely it's the job of the teaching staff to teach him that he needs to sit down and try otherwise he will never know what is expected of him

re: "surely it's the job of the teaching staff to teach him that he needs to sit down and try otherwise he will never know what is expected of him"

Well no, not really.
His home life should give him a model of HOW to learn, and he probably already has that in many ways but needs help in a few situations ie how to sit still on a carpet, how to cross his legs and why he needs to do so, how to focus his mind on a brief input whilst sitting without letting his mind and body wander. How to get across a playground or through a car-park without running off are taught skills, not hearing dependent skills, just like eating with a knife and fork, holding doors open so all the kids don't barge through at the same time etc. Teach and practice concentration skills with him at home and reward him when he transfers his new skills to his school enviroment.

That's the thing he concentrates fine at home when it is one to one and I am sat In front of him and he can lip read. If he can't hear of course he will get bored. And with the greatest respect it is the teachers job to teach him while he is at school not dump him out the way in the nursery

Mummyto2boys... You have not actually said what the pre school thought regarding his progress. Did they flag up concerns with you and what information have they passed on to the village school? What actions might have been reasonable from the village school based on his profile from the preschool setting? You mention sen time. What has been agreed with you regarding this provision? You must have had a meeting to discuss it. I don't really think diagnosis is everything because as Rosemaryandthyme says, there is lots you can do to help. Schools can be proactive on behaviour and symptoms irrespective of a diagnosis.

Only a few years ago, hardly any child was in reception class until the term in which they were 5. This would have meant your son would not be in Reception until the summer term 2014. As he has problems which need sorting out, is there any huge problem with his early years setting being slightly different? I realise I have slightly changed tack here, but it concerns me that he is unable to concentrate and perhaps greater staffing levels in the nursery will help him do that. Can they not discuss with you how to help at home and reinforce good concentration skills? Also do make sure the school gets advice on teaching a child with hearing loss, either from their educational psychologist or outreach hearing specialist teacher. You mention sen sessions, so he is presumably known to have sen. Taking a child out of class all the time is not the answer as it is not sustainable and because they need teaching strategies when he is in class. For example the teacher will have to use visual signals instead of just speaking.

cathpip - your post struck a cord with me, I suffered various ent probs when younger, had aids too. As an adult I have realised that I 'learnt' an awful lot of nursery rhymes incorrectly, the most ironic thinking that 'the whispering wipers go sssh sssh sssh! FWIW I don't wear aids now but I can't hear people if I can't see their face.

OP - good luck.