Aargh! 7 yo DD and friendship issue - what would you advise?

[Campaspe]

DD is close friend with another girl in her class. Recently, the friendship has become strained as DD has been feeling smothered by this girl. DD tells me the other girl gets upset if she tries to play with other children, and wants DD to play alone with her. If DD refuses, the other girl cries and tells the teacher she is being left out. I have talked to DD about the importance of not leaving people out, and broadening her friendship circle. DD is a nervous, kind, sensitive child who is easily bossed about and terrified of getting in trouble with her teachers because of this. She loves this other girl, but is finding the friendship to intense. How can I help? Or should I leave her to it?

I would make the teacher aware. We are having exactly the same problem with DD and her best friend who won't let her play with anyone else.

The teacher was sympathetic and said would try to separate them for some class activities, which has helped a little. However, it's still an issue at break times.

We had that a lot last year. We started to invite a lot of different children from DDs class around and so did the other girl's parents. It seems to have helped broaden out their play circle. They are still besties but do play more with others now and there aren't jealous tantrums any more.

Campaspe:

I totally agree with what is said above. The only other thing I could suggest (but it depends how well you know/ get along with the other girls parents) is you could have a quiet word with that parent that the child is being a bit 'exclusive' and should be encouraged to widen their friendship circle.

HTH

Thanks everyone. DD is receptive to the idea of playing more with others, but is worried that it will cause problems if she does. I had a quiet word with her teacher, who confirmed that it is a bit of an issue, and he is going to separate them as much as possible. It's like dealing with the fallout from a romantic break up; just sooo intense!

We had this problem with eldest dd's best friend last year - dd then being 5yrs old, quite 'easy-going' and amiable, she said her friend was preventing her from playing with others, and in the classroom if she tried to sit next to another friend, her bestie would physically stop her going.

I had a word with the teacher about it. Normally I try and stay out of friendship bickers, but I knew that dd would've already tried to deal with it herself, to no avail, by the time she brought this up. I asked her if she'd like me to help, and she said yes.

So next day arranged to see the teacher after school - dd was expecting me to go in without her and sort it with the teacher myself, but I asked her to come with me. (She was a bit surprised but was fine otherwise). Reason being I wanted her to see and hear all that was said, so she was aware, and to feel like she had taken an active part in solving the problem.

The teacher was really supportive (she hadn't been aware) - and said she'd keep an eye on the situation, and also said she'd do some work with the class about being a good friend etc. Dd said she would let the teacher know if she has problems like that again. And I said I would help dd practice at home, how to handle certain situations more assertively. Dd was helped to understand that she wasn't getting her friend in trouble, because we knew she liked her and they were best friends - it was just that sometimes dd wanted to play with other friends and that it's fine to do so!

Anyway - it seems to be sorted. The teacher said 6mths later in end of year report how dd was much more able to say to her friends what she did/didn't want to do. They're still best friends a year later - but dd tells me they've worked out some sort of arrangement where they have certain days in when they play with other friends! Good luck OP