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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Should I move my DD? Waiting list place has come up

23 replies

TheRobberBride · 28/11/2013 20:15

I moved across the country over the summer. Because of this I had to make a late application for a Reception place for my DD.

My new home is close to 3 very popular primaries. We live less than 0.2 miles from the one I put as my first preference. Unfortunately, these schools were oversubscribed and my DD was not offered a place at any of them. I appealed for a place at all 3 but was unsuccessful. It took our LA a while to find DD a school place but 2 weeks before term started she was offered a place at a village primary 5 miles away.

I took this place and my DD is so happy there. The school have been fabulous. I should mention that the reason I moved was to escape an abusive relationship. My DD had to leave her home, her nursery, her father and her friends. She witnessed her father mistreating me. Her school is aware of all of this and have been really supportive. There are 120 kids in the whole school and it has a really lovely, nurturing ethos. DD has made many friends and is thriving socially and academically.

Today I got a call from the LA. A place has come up at our closest school. 5 months ago I would have been extatic now I don't know what to do. It would certainly be easier logistically. The school we've been offered is a good school with a good reputation but it's also large (90 intake) and according to Ofsted is relatively weak on pastoral care.

My DD has been through a lot and I am loathe to remove her from somewhere she is so happy. She would be devastated to leave.

Would it be silly to leave her where she is? My heart is telling me to do just that but would I regret it? Aaarg! Not sure what to do. Please help oh wise Mumsnettets.

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sittinginthesun · 28/11/2013 20:19

In your position, I would go with my gut instinct on this one. If she's settled, you're happy and can manage the school run, leave her there.

nowwearefour · 28/11/2013 20:20

If it were me and my dd i would almost certainly leave her, ESP in those circumstances, you are lucky to have found a pastorally fab school. Enjoy it. And whatever you decide well done for being so brave for you both.

starlight1234 · 28/11/2013 20:25

DEpends how difficult the communte is...New school sounds perfect for her so if getting there isn't too much issue then would consider leaving her there....

breatheslowly · 28/11/2013 20:33

I'd be very tempted to leave her. Could you move closer to the school at some point?

Will it make any difference to who she will go to secondary school with? I know that is a long way away, but it might be difficult for her then if all of her school friends go to a different secondary.

Original poster

TheRobberBride · 28/11/2013 20:48

starlight The commute is current school is a bit of a PITA. If there's no traffic it takes 12 minutes. If the traffic is bad (and it often is in the morning) then it takes half an hour. It is part of our routine now and we make a virtue of the drive by practicing phonics. In short it's not ideal but it's fine.

breatheslowly She would probably not get to attend the same secondary as her current friends if we stay where we are. Most of the kids go on to a secondary about 3 miles away from her currant primary. Which is 8 miles away for us! So probably not a realistic option. My DD2 will start school in 2016 so I was thinking that if she got into our closest school then I could see if i could move DD then as well? ICS regs would no longer apply if we chose to appeal and she'd likely be top of the waiting list given we live close and she'd have a sibling there.

OP posts:

breatheslowly · 28/11/2013 21:18

That's really hard. There isn't a perfect answer at all. I would still be tempted to leave her there - she has had so much change in such a short period of time.

tiggytape · 28/11/2013 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lalalonglegs · 28/11/2013 23:06

I'm going to go against the others and say that she has been at school such a short time that I'm not sure it would be a major upset to move. Can you take her round the new school and get her excited about it? Do you know anyone who has children there so you can say, "You'll get to see X and Y in the playground."

I think if it's a great school and it's local, it makes much more sense to send her there. I do understand that moving her isn't ideal after all the upheaval of the summer - and well done for getting out - but I think in the long run it is worth doing. For instance, she'll be able to make much firmer friends at school if they all live nearby.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 28/11/2013 23:51

I think I'd move her too. It's so nice having your kids at your nearest school. Unless you are renting and could move nearer to the currnet school during the next year or so.

OpalTourmaline · 29/11/2013 10:09

I'd leave her where she is happy and thriving. Definitely.

somersethouse · 29/11/2013 10:18

It's really tough.
I have a DD the same age and had the option of moving schools and I moved her, simply because, although the school she is in now is alot further (half an hour walk) it is alot better as is pastoral care. So it depends whether you think the school you have been offered is indeed better.

Sounds to me like she is already in a fabulous school and settled so I tend to go with don't move her in your situation.

5 miles isn't too far. Is it posible you can move over the next couple of years...

Agree with others, you are smart and strong and clever to have dealt with all this, well done. You will make the right choice.

pinkdelight · 29/11/2013 10:56

I'd leave her where she is. The school sounds great and lots of people go that far and pay for an indie with such small numbers. If you can manage the commute, I'd leave her where she's thriving. And probably plan to move closer before the secondary issue arises.

allyfe · 29/11/2013 13:34

My daughter is in a bit 3 class intake school. Before she started she was a confident, reasonably outgoing girl. Now she is much shyer and is still getting used to such a big loud environment. She is slowly making friends, and she loves it, but I think she would have been better in a smaller school. If I was you, I think I would let her stay where she is. If it is working out so well, and she is beginning to build good relationships, I would let her stay. It sounds like you have found an excellent school for your child, and what is the most important thing, in my view, is finding the right school fit for your child, and it sounds like you have lucked out on that. However, it is really hard for a stranger to judge based on one small post so when it comes down to it, you know best :)

beautifulgirls · 29/11/2013 21:31

I would leave her where you know the school is good and she is happy and I would be tempted to apply for her sister to go there too, not the local school. Every school is different and unless you have been into the local school and felt really comfortable and happy with it all then just consider how you would feel if you moved her then hated it? There is always a risk you won't like the new school.

Leeds2 · 29/11/2013 22:05

I would leave her where she is, and where you know she is settled and happy.

ItsBiggerOnTheInside · 29/11/2013 22:10

I wouldn't move her either.

Karoleann · 29/11/2013 22:11

Can you move? School sounds lovely and if she and you get on well with the parents and staff, it may be a good environment for you both to be in.

MinesAPintOfTea · 29/11/2013 22:15

I'd be tempted to leave her. What is your housing situation? If private renting then chances are you will have to move house in the next few years, could you consider moving closer? Obviously not so easy if own home or HA. If moving isn't a possibility then its harder, can you imagine coping with the commute in 6 years time? Possibly having to take DD2 to a different school?

NynaevesSister · 30/11/2013 10:30

Are you renting? The pastoral care sounds just what your daughter needs. I would be tempted to move to the village.

Original poster

TheRobberBride · 30/11/2013 13:12

Thanks everyone for your imput.

I've decided to leave DD where she is for now. She's been through a lot over the last 6 months and I think it would be cruel to move her from somewhere where she is settled and happy.

We are currently living with relatives. Once my former marital home is sold, however, I will hopefully have funds to put down a deposit on a house of my own and can investigate moving closer to the school. In the meantime, we can just continue to commute.

Thanks again!

OP posts:

NynaevesSister · 01/12/2013 13:30

I think that sounds like a good idea. Good support at school isn't always the case. When you find it, hang on to it! Your concerns about secondary wont be an issue if you do move there anyway.

HaroldTheGoat · 01/12/2013 13:34

I went to a primary that was different to local kids and a few miles away and I was lonely out of school and had no friends in local area, through primary or secondary so it's a big thing for me now that my DC go to the local school.

I think it's fine when they are very small but coming up to 8/9/10 I found it very hard.

Not an easy decision, but I'd probably think about the local school if I was in your position, for that reason.

HaroldTheGoat · 01/12/2013 13:35

Sorry just saw your update, yes that sounds like a good solution.

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