Private Schools in the Central London area?

[javababe]

I have just had my daughter assessed by two leading private schools in the central London area. Riverston School took my six year old daughter for a two day assessment and then gave me a letter and my daughter back with no explanation as to why they previously 'did' have a place and then suddenly they did not! My husband was fuming and tried to get through the Head and was fobbed off and told that he could not speak to the head.
St Dunsten's School took my daughter for a half day assessment. I had already prepared the way saying that she was very timid due to having a bad teacher the year before and was scared of new places and people so required settling in and TLC. The Registrar I spoke to assured me that every effort would be made to make my daughter comfortable during the assessment. I also asked if I would need to prepare a morning snack and drink for her to bring in as she gets very low on energy and requires food regularly. I was asssured that this would be provided.
When I went to pick my daughter up I was told that although she had tried very hard when she was asked to go into the classroom she started crying (because she is scared of people now!) and the Head of Year said that she would have to go in or Mummy would be called to take her home. I was not allowed to settle her into the classroom environment as I would expected. Also I was told that my daughter has a learning disability (although she is as completely normal child in every way with above average intelligence). I was told that they could not accept her because of this. When I told my daughter she started crying and now feels she has been completely rejected by everyone. She won't even admit that she has been to St Dunstens for an assessment and says she is a failure and that nobody loves her.
When I complained to St Dunsten's Registrar she said that my daughter was assessed correctly and that my complaint would be 'noted'. When I asked for the Head of Years number, the Registrar said that the school has positive responses from many parents and that was the end of it. She would not give me any more information.
This is the last time I will ever let my daughter try for a private school as that state she is in now is beyond reason. After a very bad year where she was badly treated by a teacher and then this!
If anyone else has had similar experiences please let me know because we feel very alone right now.

The ones here ( London also), as long as you pay they don't particularly care who you are! No assessments at that age, only from 11/13 if going onto secondary

Why on earth did you tell your DD that she was being assessed?

And that she has been rejected?

Each of my DC have done several assessment without being aware of what they were visiting the school for.

Given her age, I am assuming this is an ad hoc place, not a main entry point. And it's quite likely they had several candidates for only a couple of places, so there were bound to be some disappointed families. And rejection letters are normally bland - for the bottom line is that other prospective pupils were considered a better fit.

The important thing now is to work on your DD's reaction. Did you know she had built it up to be such a big thing, and if so, why? For debunking its importance might be the way to tackle it.

What ThisOne said.

I understand you have had a rough time with schooling over the last year but I does sound like you have really built these assessments up. Your DH was fuming? that sounds like a complete overreaction.

Private schools can select and that is what they were doing. They were assessing your DD to see if she would fit in with the school. There was no place unless they chose to give it to you.

I know I might sound harsh but DS1 is starting the selection process for senior schools now and the process can be quite tough. Some schools use pre-tests to halve or more the number of candidates. Consequently, I have really played down the pre-tests e.g. its an interesting experience; don't worry about the results; there are lots of options etc.

Your DD does sound like she needs some support right now and I wonder if putting her through an assessment process of any sort when she seems so fragile is really the best thing for her.

That is rough for a 6 year old, for goodness sake!

It is getting silly with private schools - if the peg doesn't fit, they throw it back to the parents. I suspect she was worried/cried, so they judged her on that. Some schools really really can't be bothered with a child who may possibly need a single seconds more attention than the average. Some are great and have fantastic, loving staff.

Nohing wrong with the child, just the school wasn't right for her.

Tell her that you, her parents, had decided that you didn't like the school and it wasn't right for her. Don't tell her that she in any was failed to make the grade.

I would ask for their decision in writing. Don't get angry, upset or defensive because, to be honest, they really don't give a rat's about you. You've had a lucky escape - if they really think so little of bothering he help settle a worried child, they their pastoral care is woeful. If you feel particularly peeved, write a letter expressing your dismay at her treatment/handling. However, do remember that staff chop and change on a termly basis so you never know where a head/teacher will pop up. Its a small world!

I am finding that I hear more and more stories about such money-making factories that just would happen in the state sector. They often play by their own rules and can treat people with utter contempt.

Find a school that is reccommended by parents. Im not sure where you are but if you give a rough location, I'm sure people will have some good stories to tell.

It sounds like a really stressful experience for you and your daughter. As others have said it doesnt sound like an environment where your dd would flourish so maybe its a blessing.
I understand it is a tough time but do your best to shield your daughter from it as much as possible. Best of luck.

I'm very sorry you daughter was so upset by the experience, but from what you say it sounds like you had a lucky escape. If they treated her like that during the assessment, I do wonder what they are like day to day. If a child already in the school fails to perform what happens then? Do they kick them out?

My son goes to a private school and had an entrance assessment, but nothing like what you describe. I would look carefully at your options (state and private) and see what's the best fit for your daughter rather than academic reputation.

Do you think the school were perhaps suggesting she might have aspergers?

Neither of those two schools are in central london and they are definitely not 'leading private schools'. Have you tried St Olaves and St Saviours in Eltham, Heath House, Blackheath High and Pointers in Blackheath?

It sounds like your child/family weren't the right fit for these schools. Tell yourself its their loss. But seriously if it wasn't the right for for whatever reason you are better of out of there. Otherwise you would find yourself constantly at odds with them and banging your head against a brick wall.
Having a learning disability does not necessarily mean below average intelligence. I used to work in a university and the was plenty of PhD students with learning disabilities. It might be better to say learning difference. If you have concerns it wouldn't,t hurt to see an educational psychologist.
In the meantime think about what kind of school would suit your chils' somewhere small and nurturing where she could be best at things. Some where with lots of rules and structure?
If you go for any more assessment don't make a big thing of them.
Good luck. I hope you find the right school