Teachers pet? Child being treated differently than others?

[Marne]

Hi, I was going to name change but I don't know how too ( hopefully no one knows me in rl ).

I am worried about dd1, she is what some. Of you would call a teachers pet ( the child every other parent hates ). And I am worried about how she may be being treated differently and how it may effect her. She is a high achiever and working at the top of her class. We had parents evening earlier this week and her teacher expressed how pleased he was with dd1 and what a joy she was to teach ( we have heard this before from other teachers but not to this extent ), dd1 is often given different work than the rest of the class along with a boy working at a similar level, I am ok with this but this week I asked her to do her home work and she said 'I don't have any', I asked if it was the whole class and she said 'no, just me', she then said she had asked the teacher for her home work as he was dishing it out to the others and he just winked at her as if to say ' you don't need to do any'. Surely this is unfair and the teacher should have given her the same as the others or something appropriate ??

He also gives her extra house points ( when she doesn't feel she has done anything to earn them ). I am worried about how this will effect her and her relationship with the rest of the class as no one likes a teachers pet and it is unfair if she is treated differently.

Should I be worried ?and should I say something to the teacher? If so what?

Marne:

I get that you're worried about this teacher treating your daughter preferentially - but it sounds like he's doing the same with another boy in the class.

I think you shouldn't worry about the house points (you can't control that really - and from my experience house points are subjective - DD1 seems to always get tons and DD2 gets forgotten about and then suddenly awarded huge amounts from a guilty teacher who's realised she's been ignoring her for 6 months).

So the issue is whether what you are upset about is no homework.

Now I would be. In fact if the class is getting addition to two digits and the teacher feels she gets it then he should be differentiating and giving her the next step (maybe addition of two digits + three digits). And that is what I'd ask for.

Whether the kids will like her or not is more dependent on how she is with them as a friend. If she's kind, fun to play with and generally good fun - being teacher's pet will always be forgiven. Also a bit of being 'top dog' doesn't hurt anyone. The hard bit will be when there's the teacher who isn't impressed at all - and it will come.

HTH

'twas ever thus
or at least it was the same when I was at school

in fact I remain pretty disappointed in my dcs first school which was so blatant at this, seriously everything going went to one or two kids, IMHO primary school should be the place where the kid who is never going to win anything gets a prize for colouring etc.

However we also have 1 dc like this teflon is but one of their nicknames, they glide through life, prizes for everything, top of the class, excellent musician, certificates for swimming, got voted on to the student council by everyone in the class except for 1 vote (they had voted for another candidate since they didn't think they could vote for themselves)

So if your concern is shouldn't the teacher do differently I think yes but I doubt they will change, if it is what will the other children think then it probably depends on your daughter.

Maybe you should just tell her to enjoy it while it lasts because like others say it probably won't.

(although my dc is in year 3 and it has been this way since R, they are however a stress bucket at home with a serious motivation problem since everything is so easy)

FWIW other dc is a lovely child but an exact opposite of this one in terms of perception in school (I totally admit they have their faults)

Thank you past, I don't think I was too worried until the homework thing, I just know if I was one of the other kids I would be a bit annoyed if one child was being let off of doing home work. Dd1 has Aspergers and does find the social side of things a bit tricky but she does have a couple close friends ( including the boy she works with for maths ), we are proud of how well she is doing socially and academically but I don't want her to get big headed or over confident and I also don't want her feeling any different than she already does ( she knows she has Aspergers and thinks slightly differently than others ).

Since September she has done so well getting great results in tests and being more sociable ( last year we had problems with bullying but this teacher seems to have put a stop to it and dd is less anxious ), I just don't want the other children thinking she is being treated differently and I don't want parents thinking she's getting special treatment.

Hopefully the homework thing was a one off and maybe her forgot to prepare something for her to do this week?

Tbh dd1 is hard work at home , out of both my dd's ( dd2 is more severely autistic ) dd1 is the hardest work. Apparently she is a dream to teach .

She does lack confidence because she isn't good at sport or music ( though she can play piano a little but finds it a bit tricky ) so maths and English are where she thrives, she also has a wicked sense of humour which only adults seem to appreciate ( tbh she is one of the most annoying children, tells a lot of jokes and can talk for England ). She has always preferred adult company which I guess is a part of having AS so she probably spends a lot of time talking to the teacher.

Oh and you say 'enjoy it while it lasts' I don't think she even notices tbh and is not bothered if the teacher likes her or not ( as long as she likes the teacher then she is happy ) as she doesn't tend to notice how people are treating her unless its badly. She wasn't bothered about the homework and wouldn't have even told me unless I asked ( which I always ask 'have you got any homework' ).

I'm guessing the teacher is just looking out for your DD because she finds school hard socially and has a history of being picked on. I don't think the other children will care too much about stuff like a few extra house points and they probably won't notice she hasn't been given any homework. If you're concern that she didn't get homework when others did by all means mention that to the teacher but if it was only occasionally I'd probably enjoy having a bit of extra free time instead :)

I suspect if she's ahead then the homework was just that she's done it. Tell her not to say anything at school, and probably no one will remember.

However I've known a couple of times a child who has been an obvious teacher's pet and it has effected their character.
One was a very quiet shy lovely little girl before hand. She moved school (infant/junior system here) in year 3 to a school I knew quite a lot of children. I heard complaint after complaint about really nasty things she'd done. Physical bullying and more.
Having mentioned it to my dc from her form in year 2, her reaction was along the lines of "well Mrs. X never believed anyone when they said she'd been nasty to them."
Took her two years to get out of that.

Another child was one I'd describe as precocious, got a lot of attention and stuff. Last year she was in dd2's form, and at parents' evening I mentioned something that had come up, thinking it was 6 of 1 etc. I can't remember what the teacher actually said, but it was immediately clear that the teacher had had several complaints about this girl that evening, and she was being a real problem.

At the same time, I do know what Aro says in that some children do seem to glide through. My dd1's like that. Bright, musical, very enthusiastic, reliable, always hard working-so she did get picked sometimes when she probably shouldn't be.
eg. One time she got asked to take a main part in a play the evening before the show because the child was ill. Acting wise, she probably wouldn't have been their first choice. But what the teacher said was: "I know she will know her lines, be in the right place at the right time, and not panic if things go wrong, after running it through once in the morning."
The problem is, to the pupils it can look like favouritism, and they can react accordingly. To me, I know that she works hard, even at things she doesn't like, which does bring rewards. I just need to convince my younger two to try that though!