Starting reception and regression

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

Hi ladies I'd just love to know if this is normal or if I should be worrying.

Ds1 started reception in sept he's a summer bday so I was expecting him to be tired/not at the same level as the kids turning 5 in the sept but it's like he's gone backwards.

He loves his school and goes in no problem but he doesn't seem to be making any friends he refuses to share anything and is hiding toys in his pockets and has been sneaking them home to play with (I haven't let him play with them so he understand that he shouldn't have taken it as it didn't belong to him and he didn't have permission to take it). He will not sit down or concentrate on anything and is falling behind learning phonics. He is also struggling to write his name having been able to write it perfectly well before.

His preschool report said that he played well with the other children and sat down for circle time and concentrated.

He did have a nasty ear infection when he started and his teacher isn't convinced he can hear he's booked for a hearing test but gp thinks there's nothing wrong with his ears. He's been put in a sen group to stop him falling behind. I'm just baffled how he has gone from being described as bright at preschool to school basically politely telling me he's the opposite!

His behaviour at home has also been awful I adore him but he's just constantly screaming hitting refusing to do stuff eg used to go toilet on his own now will just sit there for me to wipe him used to get dressed himself now won't. I don't know what to do with him he doesn't seem himself but says he likes school and likes going.

Would b great if any of u have any pearls of wisdom sorry for waffling :) Tia

Poor you guys. Doesn't sound much fun.
My summer born DS started reception last year and was totally overwhelmed and exhausted by it and became introverted socially at school and a nightmare at home. But no regression per se in abilities for motor stuff. We negotiated him 3 afternoons off (and changed schools to a more play based one after half a term) and it helped.

Fast forward a year and starting year 1 at 5y and 1month old he was so much more able to cope with the length and demands of the school day.

Starting school so young can be tough for summer borns. Even 6 months makes a difference.

Can you talk to his teacher and ask her advice? They see loads of children each year and so might have a feel for what is going on and / or some suggestions. Would you consider trying a few half days a week to see that helps? I know lots of people say all children should do the full days to be same as the others but I found that that isn't always workable for some of the youngest.
If you / teacher try any simple things you can think of to help and still no luck then consider seeing your gp or health visitor for advice.

Hope things improve quickly for you and your DS.

it could just be a reaction to the change - there is a LOT going on when they start school and even if they have been at preschool or in full time nursery it depends on the child how they react. I think a change in behaviour at home is quite normal in many children. Not sure re regression. It is perfectly possible that the expectations of the preschool were lower than those of the school so they thought he did sit well for circle time but sitting well was defined differently and circle time was a fraction of the length or something.

I would speak to the teacher and just say you are puzzled and worried.

Thank u for ur replies :)

I have spoke to his teacher a few times think she's sick of the sight of me she was happy for him to do half days but we had to go ft as he was the only one not doing so and was getting quite upset about it so I thought better for him to b happier at school and I'd just put up with the grumps & tiredness at home but it's really got out of hand I've ended up raising my voice this morning after a meltdown in the car which really upset my other 2 children. I dread the school run as he just does nothing but shout at me hit me scream refuse to get ready refuse to get in the car etc etc his behaviour is now like it was about 18/24 months ago he's started having accidents at school yesterday he pooed himself he potty trained at 2 1/2 and apart from a couple in the first 2 days has never had an accident I can hear him shouting and hitting his pillow most of the night in his sleep so even tho he's slept 12+ hrs he prob doesn't feel v rested. I'm just at a loss as to what to do to help my little boy :(

he is obviously very unhappy. I think you need a proper meeting with the teacher or even to ask the advice of the SENCO as they will have a lot of experience of dealing with children experiencing all kinds of things. You could also try your GP or Health Visitor. Perhaps start by calling the HV and asking for advice and see what they say. The transition to school is very difficult for some children but someone should be experienced with this and be able to offer some advice to help him (and you)

You have my sympathies.

I don't think the level of change you are seeing is common. (Though that's just from my observation - I don't actually know).

Can you speak to your school nurse? My understanding is that they sort of act as the Health Visitor for school age children and they are independent of the school. Your DS may need something quite radical (e.g. stopping school and starting again after Christmas / Easter) which the school may not want to recommend as it causes more complications for them - but which may be best for your DS.

I hope someone is able to help you soon.

I would ask for a formal meeting with the teacher, maybe the head and Senco.

I think some children found the change from pre-school and a smaller teacher/child ratio to the big schoolroom with one teacher and a TA just too much. Too much was suddenly expected from them and they regressed so they could be "babied" again. This may explain the toilet and dressing issues.

Try to find out exactly how he behaves in class and where the problems are. Ask for exact points how you can help and support him.

Is the school very focused on independence and academically success? Reception should still be play based but I know some are quite determined to start as soon as possible. This may explain the differences expectations.

Could be glue ear. Gps can't always tell.

Dewe is it a difficult thing for a gp to see? Glue ear is a family thing most of dhs family had it as children tho I'm not sure they had behavioural issues but it certainly made school difficult.

We r a teeny tiny school and the nurse hasn't been in yet I don't think there's an sen department as such but I think one or 2 of the teachers specialise in it his teacher being one of them. I chose the school as there's only 15 in his class and he's never liked big crowds so felt he'd just b lost at a big school. His teacher has said he is refusing to get dressed wipe his bum open his lunch box etc telling them mummy said he doesn't have to. He hasn't had any meltdown/tantrums at school yet but other than that his teacher is having the same problems with him as I am. I think I'm just confused as preschool always said how well he was doing there so assumed it was ok and he was just using up all his good there and none left for home. He's always been difficult I adore him obviously but he has been a challenge from day 1 but I always thought was normal to behave at school but not at home and I'm just horrified he's doing it at school now too. I worry that cos he's not made friends they're all going to remember how he was at primary and he won't b able to make friends later on :( Im also baffled with the going backwards his younger brother is actually coming out ahead of him at the moment and he has only just started preschool

Have any of his friends from pre school joined him in his new class?

Just wondering if the reason he hasn't made friends could be that because the class is so small, there isn't anyone there that he really gets on with? Small schools are great in many ways, but it does have the massive problem of having fewer children to choose from to be friends with.

mummy - so sorry to hear that you are having problems.

DS was flagged for glue ear when he was 2 as he tended not to respond to calls and has legendary focus on activities. It cannot be "seen" and is tested by ultrasonic sounds bounced off the inner ear so you have to go to a specialist audiology unit. Lots of kids have it and grow out of it. Others may get grommets. Your GP will need to refer you or you may be able to get your Health Visitor to do it?

We too have gone from "intelligent and creative" at pre-school to unsocial nightmare in reception. From what I can tell from MN, this does happen to quite a few children as the physical & social demands really step up at school, and ramp up year on year. Pre-school seem to have quite low expectations and expect children to play in parallel - at school they are suddenly expected to "collaborate" which is much more sophisticated.

Habing said that....try not to worry too much about the social skills yet - my DS is a bit of a disaster in this area although I am overjoyed to see that he is now starting to show an interest when he never has wanted to interact with other children before. He prefers older children as they are more skilled/easier to get along with. In reception I wouldn't worry about him getting a "reputation" socially. Children are pretty forgiving at this age and they are all making social mistakes - it is the latter part of primary where things get a bit more tricky (I believe/hope).

I second the idea that you find out who the SENCO is asap - if it is a small school then you probably will find that one of the teachers also fills that role - although if you are in the independent sector (15 in a class?) I am not sure what they are obliged to provide.

my DS is struggling too and giving the teachers quite a bit of grief from what I can tell. He is on their SEN 'watch list' although not at the top of the list of children who may need help in his class. In truth I have had concerns about him for a long time and so have done a lot of reading about aspergers/autism but he must be high functioning if this does apply to him. If this is not something that has occurred to you already it can be very daunting, but for your DS' sake it is worth looking into the things you can do to help. "Early interventions" apparently make a big difference so we have decided to work on social skills etc "just in case" as it will do no harm, but could potentially have massive benefits.

I don't know if you do this already yet, but it is worth working on "transitions". We start warning DS that we will be going to school about 30 minutes before we leave and if we do reminders during that period, we have found that it has cut out most of the trouble. We generally give lots of advance warning for all activities (especially if new/off routine) and we warmed him up for starting school by showing him photos of the school over the summer!

Your descriptions of the regression and tantrums do raise a few red flags for me as most families don't have to deal with this. I suggest that you start keeping a diary and maybe take films of him in action. Hopefully you will not need them, but if you do need help in the future it helps to open doors if you have a body of evidence to speed things along.

It might be worth speaking to your GP about a referral to a child development team if that exists in your area. They can assess for a huge number of different conditions. A friend of mine did this last year for her son who was really struggling and it turns out that he was having seizures. Now that he is on meds he is doing much better, so

Good luck
X

Thank u all for ur support :)

He's decided this morning that he isn't going to talk properly is just making odd sounds and pointing and stuff then screaming at me cos I have no clue what he's going on about.

He has 5 other children in his class from preschool but doesn't seem to be getting on with them when they all played fine at preschool. I'm at a loss as to what to do for him it's v frustrating for me & dh but most importantly it's breaking my heart seeing him like this as he must b so unhappy. We have questioned go & Hv about asds mostly aspergers in the past but they told me they don't think he's displaying any signs of it. Tho I think his teacher would like him assessed if it turns out his ears r fine

He's at audiology next wk and iv book gp for couple of days after so I can get ent referral (he has huuuuge tonsils so needs to go anyway) our gp is an ent specialist and said she couldn't see any evidence of glue didn't mention any tests for it so ill question her on that thank u.

hi. good to hear you have some appointments lined up. not surprised that you have not had much luck getting asd assessment. do consider taking films and diary notes because it is difficult for them to deny signs when you show them a film. dc never show their colours when you need them to! good luck and let us know how you get on.