Expand sentences - how can my DD do this?

[Campaspe]

DD, aged 7, Year 2, loves to read and write and is making good progress. Her stories can sometimes be composed of rather choppy and repetitive sentences, and she told me today that her teacher has given her a target to expand her sentences. I've suggested that she add lots of descriptive words, and use "and" as much as possible. Any other tips or tricks of the trade I can suggest to help her? Thanks

Not always staring with the subject of the sentence.

ie So get her to turn her sentence round as many ways as she can

maybe she had written.'The cat watched the mouse patiently '
could be 'Patiently , the cat watched the mouse'
or ' watching the mouse patiently, was the cat'
or 'the mouse was being watched patiently by the cat'
'being watched patienty by the cat was the mouse

sorry crap typing!

How is she verbally? I would get her practise telling you lots of stories (you could tell her stories too) and encourage her to use full/ extended sentences in her speech.

And can get a bit repetitive try, so, because, however, also and meanwhile.

If you encourage her to use these words when telling stories orally, it will become more natural. She can then write her stories later on.

Hope this helps a bit. Good luck.

Adjectives and simple connectives are a really good start. Maybe then progress to different sentence starters, perhaps some simple adverbs? Suddenly, ....
Quietly.....
Etc

www.hildenborough.kent.sch.uk/pie-corbett-writing-ideas.pdf

Try using adverbial phrases for where and when something happens, so:

He went to the park.
He went to the park on a rainy Saturday morning.

It was quiet.
In the depths of the dark forest it was quiet.

Sorry to contradict but don't get her to use and as much as possible, as this will lead to bad habits. Get her to do some word ladders ..
The dog
The big dog
The big grey dog
The big grey dog with brown eyes
The big dark grey dog with enormous brown eyes
The big dark grey dog with enormous brown eyes ate noisily

Etc

I would say don't over use "and" or adjectives

My dd 6y loves "because"...

my son (y2) was talking about connectives yesterday because, then, and, therefore and consequently

Agree.
Adjectives.
Adverbs.

Connectives, linking two sentences:
but, although, especially, including, so.....

Starting sentences with ..ly or ...ing or ...ed words.

I looked at the clock.
Cautiously, I looked at the clock.
Glancing up, I looked at the clock.
Astonished, I looked at the clock.

More interesting verbs - glanced, gazed, glimpsed, watched ...
Adjectives for the clock- Astonished, I gazed at the ancient clock.

Collect synonyms (or near synonyms) for words. One mad summer holiday, my daughter and I developed what my husband called 'colour tourettes' as we searched for more exciting words for colours. We'd bellow "Periwinkle!" or "Lime!" at random intervals. How many words can you find for 'sad' or 'happy' and 'big' or 'small'?

You can add embedded clauses.
The teacher was talking.
The teacher, who was wearing a red dress, was talking.
The table, which was covered with homework, was made of oak.

Then you end up with:

Wearily, the bedraggled mother, who had been caught in a sudden downpour, began to remove her sodden, cerise coat.

Thanks for all of these. Some food for thought here.

Campaspe, I'd say that's very poor target setting on the part of the teacher, because expanding sentences is a gradual process, and she should be teaching the individual steps, setting targets along the way.

At my DC's school, in Year 2, they talk about "silver sentences" and "golden sentences". A silver sentence makes sense and has a capital letter and full stop, e.g. "The dog barked.". A golden sentence is a more interesting sentence, e.g. "The big dog barked angrily". They do lots of examples so that the children learn to recognise what makes their sentences interesting.

From Year 3 onwards they gradually start teaching concepts like connectives, adjectives, adverbs, similes, metaphors, onomatopoeia etc in class and set more focussed individual targets like "use more time connectives".

My eldest is in Year 5 now and he writes beautifully. Back in Year 2/3 I remember struggling to get him started on the golden sentences so I'm thrilled to see his progress. He's a typical boy - who likes maths, league tables, competitions etc, so I used that to help him. I told him that for every sentence he wrote (in his homework) I would give him a point for a capital letter, full stop, adjective, adverb etc. We then rated each of his sentences and I encouraged him to beat his high score each time. It worked really well for him. I told him that his teachers marked his work in a similar way, but with a different scoring system, and once he realised that he "got the point of it".

As you have a girl, she might be motivated by more aesthetic means, but it's worth a try!

DD2 (also Year 2) has been asked this week to start her sentences with a "ly" word, and use an adverb. So instead of:
I saw a rainbow
Luckily, I saw a beautiful rainbow

Hi Campaspe:

My DD1 was queen of the monosyllabic sentence and we were also set the target of 'work on expanding sentences'.

Our tricks were these:

In the car play 'add a word':

So you might start with integrad's setnence:

The cat watched the mouse patiently

Then your DC could add a word:

Maybe: The HUNGRY cat watched the mouse patiently

Then you could add:

The hungry AND CUNNING cat, watched the mouse patiently.

and so on....

------

We also used books DD1 liked against her.

So with the Harry Potter series - we had her write a sentence about Harry. I said write the dullest sentence you can think of ...

DD1 came up with: Harry Potter is a boy.

Then I said now try using that sentence but make it more interesting.

Eventually we got:
Harry Potters seems to be an ordinary boy, but actually he's a wizard.

(We didn't get there in one step:

Step 1: Harry Potter is a boy and a wizard.

Step 2: Harry Potter is an ordinary boy, but he's a wizard.

Step 3: Harry Potter seems to be an ordinary boy, but actually he's a wizard.)

And do the same with Hermione, Hagrid, etc...

----

Try the one day an alien came to lunch or class game.

Give them some words like: Monday, lunch, mash potatoes and see what they come up with using the alien came to lunch or class theme.

We also had good success with My Teacher is actually a....

--------

Once DD1 was used to saying a bit more than just I go to school. I read books. I work hard. type sentences we then followed advice of English Teacher (Senior School level) friend of ours who suggested that DD1 should work on adding 5 senses to her writing:

So when writing a few sentences about a subject try including something about:

SMELL (WHAT IT SMELLED LIKE)
SIGHT (WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE)
SOUND (WHAT YOU HEARD/ WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE)
TOUCH (WHAT IT FELT LIKE)
TASTE (WHAT IT TASTED LIKE/ OR DID IT LEAVE A BAD TASTE)

Thinking through your senses and using that to help colour what your writing does seem to really help.

HTH