School exchange visits

[PottyLotty]

My DD has come home from her school exchange visit ( first day at an inner city school 2 more days to follow over the next few weeks) in tears, dreadfully upset because of 'the awful lives the children lead' and the fact that the children 'cant play outside because there isnt any grass' 'they are stuck in really tiny houses with lots of relatives living with them' 'the streets are full of burnt out cars and gangs of people just hanging around looking scary' etc etc

She has been crying all night and it doesnt matter how I try and explain the differences between living in a small rural town and the big inner city she wont accept that its ok for everyone to live differently and that the point of her visit was to show her a different way of living experienced by some children. Instead of gaining any sort of understanding about how others live she is now terrified to return to this school next week and shes convinced herself that the world is awful and she never wants to go anywhere else ever again.

I suppose im just trying to find out, what is the actual point of these visits ? What do the children actually gain? Should I consider not allowing her to go next week ?

I would HOPE that the school will be discussing the differences between their environment and that of the school/area they have been visiting. Having said that I would have hoped they might have prepared them before hand as well.

How old is she?

The purpose of the trips is for exactly this I think, so that the children from the rural area who have all that amazing outside space, less risk of vandalism, larger homes and so on can see that not everyone is that lucky and equally so that the children from the inner city schools can get to experience countryside, open spaces, see something they can aspire to experience in the future, work hard to get a good job to perhaps escape where they are currently etc. Lots of fortunate children do live in a happy little bubble and don't have any concept of how unfortunate other people's experience of life can be but yet many of them will still have a happy time at school, a loving extended family etc. I grew up very lucky but I was aware not everyone was in the same position however I still got the shock of my life when my mum went to teach in a deprived inner city area and I saw what the lives of those children were like.

Has your daughter been to my school???

What age is your daughter? Is missing teaching time for 3 days worth this? I come from a leafy lane area and my children never exchanged with a school in a deprived area. The parents would have gone ballistic at the waste of lesson time. It seems an odd thing to do. Children are encouraged to think of others but I am surprised at the method used.

I also think she needs to toughen up a bit. How does she react to the dreadful news stories which affect children every day of the week? Or is the inner city school used as some sort of charity visit as in the Victorian era? I think it is patronising to the inner city children too. It assumes they want to be like their richer country cousins with all that space and privilege and better work ethic apparently. Are we really saying that inner city children do not achieve anything so they have to visit a rural area to get a taste of what they are missing so they work harder? They may just like the city. I am also certain that lots of the inner city children work hard too.

I am not sure I would want to go along with these visits at all, but not for the reasons you state OP because I am afraid your DD is being somewhat over dramatic and seems to be in a protected bubble. Far better to have a real understanding of poverty. Maybe inviting someone to the school to talk about the Philippines disaster might be better or how children need food and clean water in some countries.

I don't know that it is patronising - where my mum taught the kids lived about a 20 minute walk from the sea in 2 directions but over half had never seen the sea! on a school trip to a country park (about 10 miles away) lots of them cried because the trees scared them. They didn't realise cows really existed. There are a lot of children in city centres who will work hard and will be happy and so on BUT there are also a lot who will seriously benefit from seeing outside of that world. Equally so many children really have no idea how lucky they are and perhaps they are benefiting from learning that poverty isn't just overseas, it isn't only in areas with climate differences and war but also it happens HERE.

She's 6 (year 2). She is very emotional anyway, its an issue the school regularly pick up but thats a different issue, I dont understand why they are doing this exchange at all.

We live in a deprived area anyway with higher than average free school meals at the school and high unemployment etc so the purpose of the visit should not be to show a 'deprived area' unless its 'deprived in the city' v's 'deprived in the sticks'

We are rural with lots of animals. When the other school visited our school they were terrified of the cows in the fields and some of the children wouldnt play on the school field because they had been told they would get dirty if they did . Some of these children had also questioned why they live in the city when they could live in the middle of nowhere so im guessing some jealousy is present too. My DD's class havent stopped talking about the burnt out car at the school gates (Im sure theyve all seen a burnt out car before but certainly not at school) . Im perplexed as to what message they were trying to put across to the children.

I did also feel it a little cruel for the city children too in a sort of 'look what weve got and look what you havent' sort of way. Im not convinced the staff have thought this through although its a regular exchange they do every year due to a member of our staff used to be at this city school and they felt keeping in touch would be good for the children.

I still dont know if im going to let her go next week. Some parents have said they wont be letting their children go again and the school have said they will just sit them in another class for the day.

I think it's good for her to see a different way of life. It's hardly like they took her to Kabul!

I remember singing the song 'Streets of London' when I was in primary, and it really affected me because I lived a very cosy, sheltered life. I think it's massively important for children to know that there are lots of different ways to live; some which they will prefer to their own, and some that they won't.

Yr2 seems young to me, I was expecting you to say Yr5 or 6 to be honest.

I do think it is important for them to see a different side to life but I can see it could promote jealousy and pity feelings from the 2 groups of children.

It is nice to keep links between the schools I am sure but I would have thought penfriend type stuff and learning info over the year about the other school perhaps with a 1 day visit in the summer term. So the kids will have become familiar with what it is like, seen pictures, written to other children, made some friends etc.

I would still suggest this exchange is not suitable. It also appears to be an exchange of convenience together with a bit of social engineering of the "you don't know how lucky you are" type. All at the age of 6!There is an assumption from the OPs school that the city children are worse off and deserving of their lives being scrutinised. This is not fair on them and it may be that their school is outstanding, despite the non removal if the burnt out car ( which is the local authority's responsibility and these can be found everywhere).

Also there is an inbuilt assumption that the way of life in the OPs school is better and that these children are not informed about children who lead less than desirable lives. Neither can there be an assumption that children in a country school do not have deprivation. They do. So what exactly is the point of the visit? What does it have to do with education? Would the children not have a better time, at the age of 6, visiting something or somewhere to help with their learning. As the exchanges are spread over 3 days, surely pen friend writing or maybe a get together not on school premises would be better? So what if 6 year olds are scared of a cow, and so what if a 6 year old does not like a burnt out car? These observations really teach very little and 6 year olds are hardly in a position to change anything about their lives.

OP. When your daughter is less emotional, and older, I would try and ensure she can see the good that can be done by helping others, rather than worrying. At 13 my DD did a school exchange for a whole term in a South African school. The girls there took social responsibility very seriously and once a week for the whole term my DD helped out in an AIDS orphanage. That was really tough! Many of the children would die.