Dd being disruptive - help!

[GwenStaceyRocks]

Dd started school in Aug. She is loving learning and even enjoys doing her homework. However the teacher says she keeps talking in class. Basically she is disrupting everyone else.
Also, when they have other activities outwith class (eg assemblies) her behaviour deteriorates. She was used to assemblies from nursery and her behaviour was not a problem then so I'm not sure why this has changed. At home she is chatty but her behaviour is not out of control. We use a star chart and reward system. I'm not saying she's an angel but we have a massive extended family and at family gatherings, she is not the wild child iyswim.
I don't want her to disrupt other children but I'm not sure what to do next.
She has had a problem with another child since she started school. The other child has called her names, pushed her, etc. It seems to be resolving now. I'm not sure if that's relevant - maybe it is because we've been so focused on getting that issue resolved that maybe we haven't spent as much focusing on the talking issue (although I'm unsure what I can do when it's happening in class.)
So, I'm stuck and would love any advice esp if anyone else has been here. Thanks!

How is her impulse control generally?
It's hard because they are just being enthusiastic and very little to learn to much self-control.

We had this with one of our DCs. What are the school doing about it? To a large extent, it is up to the school to deal with it and for you to support the teachers. You are not there in the class with her and so it is difficult for you to discipline her effectively. You could also try having quiet times at home when she is not allowed to chatter. I had to do this when I was driving as DS1's constant chatter distracted me and I took the wrong turn off on more than one occasion. I would simply pull over and turn off the engine until he stopped talking.

Cloutie I'm laughing at you stopping the car until ds stopped talking .
lljkk Impulse control is an issue. My parents were overly strict and I now wonder if I've created an issue for dd by not being strict enough although she knows right from wrong and is painfully honest about everything she does. Sometimes she says she just can't help being naughty . . .

At home she talks a lot but she will also sit quietly to complete a jigsaw, play a game. If she has a temper tantrum it tends to blow up and over fairly quickly. Unless someone is loud and shouty with her and then it tends to escalate to shouting, hitting. In those instances I remove her from the situation and she stays in her room until she has calmed down. Then she will come down and apologise and ask how she can make it better. (Bad behaviour also means she loses her pocket money).

I'm not sure what the school are doing about it. Well, I know how they generally manage behaviour. They use a happy/sad faces chart at school for naughty behaviour and a sticker for good behaviour. If there are too many sad faces in a week then dd loses some of golden time. The first time she had nearly had enough sad faces to lose golden time she was really upset about it and felt it was inevitable that she would chat again the next day and lose golden time.

After that first time, she seems to have slipped into a feeling that she just loses golden time and that's who she is. We have lots of chat about how it would be nicer to keep golden time. We read children's books about counting to ten (impulse response).

We have a row of the star chart at home for school behaviour with special shiny stickers if she has a day at school with no sad faces. If she is disruptive or rude to anyone then she has to draw them a picture, or write a sorry note.

Generally though at home I try to reassure her and praise her good behaviour.

The teacher raised it as a minor issue when dd first started school and said she thought it would settle. Now she's saying that it hasn't settled so we're going to have a meeting and I guess this is part of my attempt to prepare for that. I don't want her to be the 'naughty child' and I feel like I'm a bad mum somehow because she's not able to do what the other children do.

I had to! I was afraid I was going to have a crash if he carried on distracting me all the time.

I don't think she should be punished again at home for poor behaviour at school.

Yes you should reinforce that she needs to work hard and have good behaviour at school with what you say etc.

Could you give her something to touch/squeeze when she has the urge to chat to help remind her that Chatting is for play time?

RandomMess I like the idea of giving her something to squeeze/touch. That's a great suggestion!

I try not to punish her at home for school behaviour. Do you think I shouldn't ask her to write sorry notes because that is like a punishment? I hadn't thought of it like that. At home we work on the principle that if you say sorry you also have to do something to make it better so I was just carrying that over to school.

I was thinking the shiny sticker was a special treat for being good because I know she struggles with school but I guess she could then see the absence of a shiny sticker as a punishment. I feel like I'm thinking myself into circles with it all.

I think you need to speak to the teacher and ask what strategies they are going to use and discuss them with your dd and tell her what the consequences will be.

Nothing wrong with asking her how the day has gone and empathising with her when it's not gone well and congratulating for good effort when it's gone well.

I can't remember when/where I read it but dc peform best at school/achieve best when given the message to work hard at school so lots of reinforcing that she's going to school to "work at learning" rather than chatting.

Also ask your dd for ideas about how she can remember not to chat when they should be "working" she may have difficulty between discussing appropriate things to do with the "learning" and general constant chatter IYSWIM?

Also she is only 4 and in R she has plenty of time to learn how to curb her chattiness to the right times. My youngest (8) likes to go into the classroom early to have a chat with her teacher everyday - I can only assume the teacher doesn't mind too much (dd is in breakfast club hence able to do this) as she would have no problems telling her to go away.

RandomMess I like the suggestion to ask dd for her ideas. When she first started at school, she didn't like going in and we sat down and made a plan with different options on how she could go in to school. It worked really well and she goes in fine now.

Thanks everyone for all your help