What's the point of living? We're all just waiting to die.

[AfricanExport]

or so says my 9 year old son. ...

Okay so I was slightly lost for words but said life is what we make it. And tried to be positive and speak about the future and the choices we make etc. Having families and people to love and be loved in return. About having dreams etc.

How would you have responded?

ps... he has previously been referred to as Marvin, the paranoid Android. As everyday was the worst day of his life. .. Everyday! ! I thought it was improving but last night's comment threw me. ..

Was hoping someone had some advice or experience of this or some ideas on how to improve his outlook ... Anyone?

Thanks

Print out these pessimistic cartoons and stick them on his wall. The Ancient Greeks were a riot when it came to that sort of thing.

(Of course they did have Dionysius and Epicurus to even things out a little!)

(Arthur Schopenhauer was a world famous misery too. But I can't find any child-friendly versions of his teachings. So, maybe he's been forgotten for a good reason.) (Then there was Cassandra, of course.)

It's a tough one isn't it.

Does your DS appear depressed? Has he said similar things in the past? Is there anything bothering him? School perhaps? How about speaking to his teacher to see how he is at school?

Does he have any interests outside of school? Is there anything he's passionate about or maybe something that he's interested in that you could encourage to be a passion in his life (like playing an instrument or taking up a hobby or sport)?

My DD is very much a glass half empty person which is the complete opposite to me, DH and DS. I find it hard sometimes.

We get through by giving her lots of praise and trying to make sure she always has something to look forward to, like a booked holiday or a night out.

The point of living is to squeeze in as much fun as possible before you die, and hopefully to leave the world slightly better than you found it in the process.

Biologically speaking, there is not point to any individual life apart from passing on our genes to the next generation. So essentially, your DS is right apart from one thing; we're just waiting to reproduce.

But the good news is, apart from that reproducing, there's no pressure on. And it's not like the Biology Police will come round even if we choose not to reporoduce. So we can just get on with having all that fun!!

More seriously though, as others have said, your DS may be depressed, or he may just not have found his passion in like yet. Not sure what will help, but does he do activities? If not, has he expressed interest in any?

Hi

Thanks for the replies

He chooses to do the following activities:

piano
swimming

judo
football
cubs
tennis
running club

He has always been this way. I did think he was depressed and am trying to get help from CAHMS but having trouble getting a referral and the waiting list is over a year long. Needed a letter from his Head but letter was in a 'his mother says' format so was not taken seriously by the doctor .

Have him with an EP once a week who admitted not knowing how to help him with his negativity / complete lack of motivation. She's still trying but at a cost, as you can imagine. Might get the EP to speak to the head and write another referral.

I need some ideas.

Will look into the pessimistic cartoons. He would actually appreciate those. I think.

Poltorgoose. That's looks great. I will investigate that.

I think he is aspergers and he was checked out about three years ago. That report says he is on the spectrum but she, the EP, did not want to label him as she reckoned it was mild. Anxious... yes... nail biting is terrible.

When I get the negative chat I just try to deflect with some people think the meaning of life is this, or this or that and try to discuss the viewpoints and try to say how marvellous these different viewpoints are. I also try to encourage the tell me 3 things you are grateful for chat. But ultimately I deflect rather than be able to give an answer that satisfies.

And yes, those books are great - we've used the worry one

This may be a bit off the wall ... But do you think your DS might be the kind of person who needs religious belief to give them a sense of existential purpose? I think that some people are natural sceptics but others need that sense of mystery and transcendence. Just a thought - definitely not intended to trivialise what could be depression.

Annie.
I will tell him that. I told him life is what you make it and you get out what you put in. But that sounds too serious. squeezing as much fun out as possible is way better.

Yes. He right. He normally is. .. One of our biggest problems is that he is seldom 'wrong' in things like this. A friend suggested we talk about the afterlife. He would laugh at me if I tried that. There is no logic in the concept therefore he simply will not go for it.

Hi Yika

He is a non-believer of note. figured Santa, easter bunny and tooth fairy out before his fourth birthday and does not believe there is a god.

He does however believe in aliens because the universe is a very big place and the must be someone else out there.

You've got to admit, your son is bang on the money about pretty much everything. Don't forget Pascal's Wager (on the god debate) clever bloke was Pascal.

Tiggy

I have had that impression of him. I kind of think of him as my nutty professor, he has that way about him. He is a philosopher in the making and does ask these questions. and as you say the questions have been asked forever.

I just don't want him unhappy or worse trying something silly because there is no point to life.

Column

Yes ... But he is so unhappy about it.

Does he actually want an answer to that question? Is he worried about what is the point if life? Or us it anxiety coming out in a different way?

I have to say dc1 had been saying things like this before but never in a worried or sad way iyswim. And when he did say that he couldn't see the point of living, there was actually some bullying going on at school that he never talked about

I can see why a child with AS would just shrug the idea of the afterlife. Dc1 who is NT had the same reaction. 'It's just not logical mum!'

My way to deal with it has been to tell him that we are on the earth to do what we are good at so we can help other people and make their life better. That this could be done in lots of ways. From the bin man helping us by coming and picking garbage from our house to the engineer who us involved in building trucks and the doctor who looks after sick people.
But when the question was more an anxiety issue, it's the anxiety that needed to be addressed. Is your dc able to explain why he sees everything negatively?
Another thing we do to counterbalance dc2 tendencies to be gloomy is to express gratitude for what we have, kind words from other people etc.. Abut of a ritual in the evening for each if us to talk about what we are grateful about in our day.

I would just tell him that I am not waiting to die, everyone does one day but I am certainly going to get a lot in and enjoy it, there is no way I am 'waiting' and I am surprised he is.