Deferring til 5,once a child has started.

[confusedabouted]

Ds2 started school in September,he has been much better than i expected(he has a bit of an issue with hitting,not in an angry aggressive way,he seems to do it without realising,hes a bit of a mystery to everyone including his teacher,theres no warning he just randomly hits and punches sometimes)and id not heard anything from his teacher except good stuff so i assumed it was ok.

Yesteray i went to pick them up and the teacher told me he just isnt ready to start school yet,she said physically and emotionally he is really young and really struggles doing a whole day,i suggested him doing half days or deferring til hes 5 and she seemed relieved i had suggested it,i think lots of people probably wouldnt want to but i dont mind.We kind of left it with me to think about,but im not sure what to do next.

If he was an only i would probably send him every day for a half day but i have 2 other kids at school and a baby at home and another on the way in a few weeks,so going up and down the school all day doesnt sound much fun really,i think for those reasons i would like to just not send him at all until the term after he is 5 which is april,does anyone know what i need to do now?

He doesnt seem attatched to anyone in class and seems to like the idea of not going for a while,the only thing that bothers me is that he would only get 1 term in reception and i have seenw ith ds1 how much a change it is from reception to yr 1 and im worried he might struggle again next year,espescially with only 1 term to get used to school?

You need to talk to the head teacher about it and agree a way forward.

I agree I think you need to talk to the school.

to be honest (of course i don't know him as a child) I would have thought some part time attendance is probably best as it will help him to develop the skills he will need and then when he does go in the summer term full time if that is what you want him to do he will get more out of that term if that makes sense. I think he certainly needs to be attending a preschool environment if he isn't at school or the summer term could end up a real problem.

I tend to agree with Periwinkle that going to school part time would probably be better than not going at all as it will get him used to the school environment and he will begin to build up relationships with his classmates. Perhaps he could defer until January and then do part time for the first term and then review things then?

My son was exactly like this last year and the same was suggested to me. However after talking to the school we figured out that part time attendance or non attendance would not suit him as his problem with the hitting and aggression was boredom. He is exceptionally bright and he was completely bored in reception. Could this be the problem with your son??? Once they set him harder challenges the problem got better and now he is year 1 where there is a clear structure he is so much better. May be worth just checking his aggression isn't down to boredom because if it is taking him out will probably not benefit him at all. HTH xx

Having done over half a term my inclination to say no, that you want him to continue full time. He needs to develop a friendship group and he will not do that sat at home. As you also say he needs to get used to school before year 1 as it is a bi change.
I would tend to agree with peppajay that there is a reason why he suddenly hits somebody and it could well be that he is bored with what he is doing. It is for the school to establish what the key to the hitting is, not just remove it by your son not being in the room. So continue as at present full time.

Hmm. I'd be asking the school what they are doing to support him tbh. Surely there are strategies they should try before they write him off as not ready - this all sounds very sudden.

Could he do, say, 3 full days instead of short days?

Im having a meeting with the head today.I am going to ask to defer completley until April,if he wants to go he can go,if not then he can just stay at home.I have a feeling my eldest will want to stay home too,well i know he does already but there are a few things about school that i think he likes some things about school else he wouldnt be there either.Im a bit sick of the whole school thing tbh,i cant wait to be rid of it.

This sounds like a cop-out from the school. They should be discussing ways to support your son, what they can put in place to insure his needs are met, calling in a educational psychologist to get advice from them about what is best for your son.
IMO pulling him out isn't going to aid his social development.

tbh pulling him out you are likely to resolve the schools your problems for now but end up with bigger and more difficult problems in a couple of months.

If he misses that much of reception, he will be behind, friendship groups will be forming and he may still well have the problems he presents with now.

Personnally if it was my son I would be meeting with the head the senco and the class teacher to work out a way forward. reducing hurs would be one, more supervision in the classroom would be another, working with him to develop his socialisation/ people skills.

I agree with frusso that it sounds like a complete cop out from the school.

Totally agree with frusso and nothing . I am pretty sure that if you posted this in Special Needs they would tell you the school is acting illegally.

My worry for you is that while this will be easier in the short term, in the longer term you are just deferring the issue. The school should absolutely be putting in place strategies to support your son.

He doesnt have any special needs,he is a 4 yr old boy who just isnt ready for school.

I am actually quite peased with the school,as far as schools go its a great place,Home Educating them was something we always wanted to do but ended up sending them to school anyway just because it seemed like a good idea to try it.

I think this way at least the place is still there in April if we change our mind,i have a feeling we wont though.Thanks for trying to help though but i have made up my mind.

OP, I think you are doing the right thing. If he's not ready for school yet, don't send him until he is.

I have a very sensitive toddler. If he doesn't seem ready for school at 4, I wont send him.

I don't believe you will be storing up problems for later if you keep him off as he needs to reach a certain level of maturity first, rather than having to deal with things too early.

I wasn't suggesting your ds had special needs.
Just that if a child is struggling for whatever reason (socially or developmentally or just not ready) SNs disabilities or not; they are educational needs, and a school should be putting things extra support, the learn to move program, a social skills program, IEPs, etc, in place to support that child. This should be happening regardless of whether the child has any disabilities. If they need any help to get to where they need to be they school should be providing support to get them there.

Although with home ed you can work at his pace, and tailer his learning to suit the way he learns best.
If you decided HE is best, don't forget to write to county and inform them that you are "educating otherwise" as he is on their system.

i dont need to i just need to write to the head to tell her to take his name off the register and then its up to her to contact the LA.

I cant imagine him ever being happy in a school environment,i assumed it would be mostly free play in reception but it doesn't seem to be.

I havnt really bought them up with school in mind so i think they have/will have a hard time adjusting to the whole "sit on the carpet and listen to me" thing,as they didnt go to pre school so have never done that,they pretty much always did what they wanted at home and spent most of the time running around outside.

I agree if i was desperate for him to stay at school then it should be up to them to get extra support for him if he needs it.

Sorry OP I certainly wasn't suggesting that your son has special needs, just that the regulars on the special needs board would be able to advise on the legality of this situation.

It just seems highly dubious to me that the school has mentioned nothing until now and then all of a sudden said he isn't ready for school. I would proceed with caution and would want something in writing to confirm that his place will be held open.

My dd never got the sit on the carpet thing either. But at this time of year (in my dds school) reception class is still very much free play and learning through play.