Brain dump re big & small primaries

[StarvingBookworm]

I feel v confused about schools etc. this is a bit of a brain dump! I have two DCs, DD who is 4.4 and in reception, and DS, who is 2.2. He is an end of Aug baby and we are in England.

We live on the outskirts of a medium size city and as a result our nearest schools are big - intakes of 90. I love DD's teachers and the foundation stage unit but I'm not convinced it's the right school after this point. It is huge, and I'm not convinced she's making good friendships. I am very concerned at how DS will settle being just so young in school.

I also feel some unease at how uninvolved parents at the school seem to be. There are over 550 pupils yet no PTA as there was no support for it, and there's a parent-teacher forum which I was invited to - I was the only reception parent there (they invited 10). There is a preschool class and a lot of the children went there. DD didn't (they wouldn't split funding with her nursery which was only reason), and as a result I only know two other parents (from the playgroup I took DD to when she was younger). No one talks to me - they are all in small groups and I am v v shy, so don't have confidence to approach.

I wonder if smaller, more village-y schools would be better, especially for DS, however, I moved from one small village school to another when I was Y1 and feel quite strongly that this had a negative effect on my confidence. Also we are a 30 min walk/10 min regular bus to city centre which is really convenient.

There are no affordable houses anywhere I've looked recently, but maybe it's the time of year. I have no idea how to find a school that will fit my ideals either!

I don't know what I'm asking. I just feel I'm letting my DC down and I don't know what's best. I don't trust my own instinct.

I don't know really. My kids go to a school similar to what you describe (but we do have a PTA). My niece goes to a village school and there are only 5 girls in her class (of nearly 30!). I think with a bigger school there is a bigger chance of meeting like-minded, or similar aged kids.

My ds1 had a very hard time in YR and Y1 with his class (a group of very academic and slightly mean boys). He moved in Y2 and has found some really lovely friends in this class. Most of their parents are not 'people like me' but I don't mind as he is happy and has friends which is so important in school. You just don't have that option of moving class with smaller schools if there are class dynamics which are damaging to your child.

As your ds2 is a younger sibling, this will affect his level of maturity and he could easily be at the same stage as a November-born first child so I wouldn't worry about him in that respect unless he has other, more specific problems.

in many cases small schools are more comforting an environment but they can also be more stifling.

90 intake is quite big but it isn't unusual now. Schools where we are are all 90s (save about 3 in the whole area), lots are 120 and we have a couple which are 150 children in each year. Those are IMO too big. 90 is quite normal.

DS was an infants with an intake of 60. Lovely nurturing staff, mix of parents. He hated it. He's much happier in his junior school (120 in each year).

I think you need to split out issues with this particular school/issues with size of school from settling in issues. You may have a school with disinterested parents. Or you may have a school where things are not organised at convenient times and no one wants to take the lead with something like a PTA. Friends (both for you and DD) will come in time - we're only half a term into the school year and remember some of the other parents will have known each other since their children were babies.

Agree with perwinkle.

Small schools aren't automatically fabulous - I can assure you ours isn't.

Larger schools in our area are doing better for KS2 published SATs results.

Those where my friends kids are at are clearly streaming by ability and super high flyers leave class and go and work with the next year up for maths/ reading/ etc....

They also strike me of having more resources and better targeted support for struggling students.

HTH

I have chewed this over and over with friends for the past 6-7 years.
DD and DS are at a medium-sized school - 2-form entry though has since gone up to 3-form, some friends have children in similar sized schools, some in bigger ones and some in a little village school (120 pupils in total)
I feel the bigger school gives us what we want for in a school - great diversity, a wide range of people to be friends with/have things in common with (both the DC and the parents), better access to resources at times, less of a 'cosseted' feeling as you get older ie more responsibility within school, etc. Others feel the small school is best for their children's needs.
One thing that I did think about (which was years away at the time but is now only next year - eek!) was High School. All the ones around here are 800-900+. I think my quiet, shy DD will be better prepared to deal with the hurly-burly of such a big place having been in a reasonably-sized primary school. Some of the children who have been at the village school, including her similarly quiet, shy friend, may struggle to start with (sadly they will be at different high schools so not able to support each other directly)

In both DD and DS's years there are August-born children - some have done really well, some have taken longer, just like some of the October/November-born DC. As someone else has said as DS is your second he will probably be fine as he will be desperate to be like his big sister well before starting school :)

It is still early days for all of you and it is really difficult when everyone seems to know each other but I bet they don't. Try and stand next to the parents you do know at drop off/pick up time and just smile and say hello, no need to do anything else if you can't/don't want to. Also keep going along to the parent-teacher forum, it's a great way to find out how the school works and who is who.

Also, if its any help, I had a huge wobble about primary school at about this time when DD was in Reception. No real idea why even now but think it might have been the enormity of having DC in full-time education and its impact on me. It did get better and now I can't believe I am going to have to cope with high school in September

Sorry for the ramble, I hope it helps.

Thank you for your responses. feetheart your last paragraph made me start to cry. I'm not sure I can even articulate why but it struck a nerve.

I appreciate what everyone has said about bigger schools meaning more opportunities. For a school of its size there aren't many clubs at all, and it is parent disinterest, not inconvenience that's stopped there being a PTA. The school is in a not so nice area and I think parents tend not to get too involved in school life.

I should mention DH and I both grew up in very small villages with small schools and so to have our DD in an intake of 90, when our primaries were maybe 150, is quite a culture shock!

I can understand the shock if you went to a small school - my primary was only 150, schools now seem ENORMOUS to me.

Son goes to a school with a 120 intake. Even now I feel overwhelmed by the size. I do feel ha has benefitted. In his reception year things were awful, and I could barely get him to school. In Y1 he changed class and everything was so much better. Also, as he has issues that mean he finds a lot of things difficult, being in a small school would be a lot easier for him. But, then the transition to secondary would be really tough. It isn't an easy choice make!

Could you look around and see if there are spaces in any smaller, more village type schools? Then at least you'd know if it was an option.

My dd goes to a tiny school (15 entry, whole school about 100). It was absolutely the right school for her and she is thriving. She is very sensitive but every member of staff knows her and she plays with kids of all ages. It is so nurturing and caring.

Where we live the max is 30-45 entry and I can't even begin to imagine what 90/120/150 entry must be like