Y1 issues with school / frequent urination

[nodilemma]

Hi - I'd love some advice on this as DD is my 1st so I have no context regarding schools. She is in Year 1 has been referred to an Enuresis Clinic due to stuggles with bladder control & staying dry during the day, so we are working on this as best we can. However I am at wit's end with her school.

Two letters from the GP have gone to the school asking them to permit her to go the loo frequently & whenever she needs to. These went to her Y1 teacher and the Head. However, I don't feel the school is supportive.

Children are only allowed to go toilet at breaks, and are only allowed water at breaks. She needs to go about 30 mins after drinking, sometime in clusters, which fall during learning time and they are either still not letting her go, or making her almost beg (apparently she has to say she "really really really needs to go" before she is permitted to leave the classroom), and commenting that she should have gone at break, etc.. This seems to be causing her anxiety and is drawing attention to her difference & the "disruption" she is causing to the class. She comes home everyday with wet knickers. The school is not giving her an option to change to dry ones.

I am getting very tired with the whole thing. Is this normal school behaviour and I am being too precious? Or are they being unreasonable?

I don't know why it has got this far to be honest. Letter can get overlooked or not understood or sent to whoever is in charge of First Aid.

A quick, sharp word with the teacher should sort it out. And tell her to make sure the TA knows. Be very firm. And do it today. It is not fair on your DD. Please do not write to school or mess about. Communication gets missed. Just talk to the teacher directly and make sure she understands it all properly. You'll probably find her very apologetic.

You do not need an appointment. It will take under 5 minutes. And if it continues, take it to the Head.

They are being unreasonable.

I work with children & we are clamping down in the frequent drink/loo breaks (in a 90 min session with a break half way through some children were in the loo do often they mussed most if the class!)

However any child with a medical condition (lazy bladder/ursine infection/ diabetes etc etc) are always allowed to go without question & to drink as required.

We had this with ds a few years ago so I understand how hard this is.

I don't think the school are being very supportive. Ours was much more so (although they did sometimes forget stuff!). It's standard for our infants to have pretty much free access to the toilet, although they generally discourage them from going during carpet time but ds' teacher agreed a special wave he would do to her from the carpet if he was desperate (at my suggestion)

We did draw up a timetable of toilet visits for ds (just before leaving for school, morning break, beginning and end of lunchtime, afternoon break) which helped massively anyway. The staff were quite good at reminding him. I assume you are already prompting her to double void? That should help a bit too.

Do you have a school nurse? They should be able to have a word with the school. Ours was very good.

I'd also recommend the ERIC website if you haven't already found it.

I remember at the time it felt like it would never end and I too felt at my wits' end but it did get sorted (slowly) and feels like ancient history now. I think it's a lot more common that you might expect.

Hi! Thanks for your posts! Yes we have spoken to the Y1 teacher. In fact, this has been going on since last year. We spoke to the Reception teacher last year as well, (to not much avail either). I was told that DD is disrupting other children's learning and that if they let her go they'd have to let them all go. Thus the GP letters to try to make it more 'official'.

That just doesn't wash. All they need to do is say to the other children (with your permission) that they have been a little poorly so need to drink/go the loo more often. It can & should be done.

Wow, that's well out of order. I wouldn't want my child in a school that was so lacking in compassion and understanding. I would speak to the Head asap and make sure it is sanctioned from above. If the Head won't then I really would consider if a school like this is appropriate for small children!

I am starting to agree this isn't the school for her! It's a big inner London school. There is a new head who is supposed to be bringing in a new regime, but very poor morale amongst teachers who are having to interview for their own jobs, etc. unfortunately we live in a black hole for school places, and this was the only one we were offered for reception after months of no place at all. We were happy with it at first and DD loves it. But this lack of support has completely changed my opinion.

I've just received the form for in-year application to see if I can transfer her, but again, my area is a real pain for school places! The in-year application asks about exceptional medical reasons for requesting a transfer. Does anyone know if this would qualify as 'medical' reason? Or is that pushing it? (I can get support from my GP who is also annoyed with the school about this.)

ShoeWhore - thanks for your message. It is very reassuring and gives me hope that it will be behind us one day.

I've just been on the ERIC website. Really great stuff! Thanks for passing it on!!

Did the new head bring in silly wee policy?

We are in a deprived area of London and school is lovely.

Whilst transfer is (possibly) happening, I think you need to go all guns about this to protect your dd from embarrassment and self consciousness.

Go to the Head. Print off any guidelines you can find as well as Doc's letter (perhaps highlighted). Don't be afraid to be patronising. Ask here how teachers cope with kids who require special/ different treatment and pass that info on to the class teacher.

A simple idea would be for DD to sit in a place which is accessible to toilet and have a 'free' pass ie. she doesn't need to ask to go.

yes I think wee-time was interferring with learning time, or some such thing. They are on a tear to improve results, thus the crackdown. I get the sense that there are a lot of disgruntled staff.

I'm finding the school thing very difficult. I wasn't educated in the UK, so am missing context. DH & I work full-time and as the school DD ended up being offered isn't near our house we aren't able to be there everyday. Then there is a bit of "pushy" middle class parents stigma - I'm not sure how much to push considering the limited resource & much greater disadvantage around us... plus I have NO CLUE what should be made available and am not part of the schoolgate mums network to get the inside scoop. Some parents seem to navigate it all so much better than me!

nodilemma. I had that thing as well - of fearing to be seen as a pushy middle-class parent, and also feeling bad that those kids without the pushy parents are at a disadvantage. Well, it took me till the end of Y2/ beginning of Y3 to sort myself out! My ds1 really suffered as a result of my attitude. I look back at his YR and Y1 and would have done things so differently and been a lot pushier.

Partly my friend (a SENCO) helped. She said, the kids with pushier parents do get more for their kids - it is a fact. She said I need to pester the school until things get done. She said she always makes sure to sort out the pushy parents stuff as she knows they will be phoning her. She told me I need to stop worrying about how I come across and put my ds first! I have taken 'lessons' from assertive people I meet and observe.

I have managed to get stuff for him now - finally - 2 years too late, I think. But anyway, it is happening now at least. And his teacher is really encouraging him because I have had meetings about how he is doing, his self esteem etc. so he is always getting rewards/ awards even though he is not academic. This helps him hugely. Maybe other kids don't get it, maybe their needs are not being met by an overstretched school, but I am not responsible for them.

That probably sounds awful. And it's taken me a while to get to this point (some Mums I know are there from the start!), but it is working for my ds and helping him. And that is the point.