Ds really unhappy on his table, should I say anything?

[GreenerthanGrass]

Ds (7) is really unhappy on his table since they moved around at half term. He is sat between 2 particularly bossy (in his words) girls. One of whom is really annoying him .Apparently she sings and whistles when he is trying to work as well as snatching work / pencils from him. He says he can't concentrate and isn't finishing his work. He has also come home in tears for the past few days.

He is a very sensitive boy and I think that part of the problem is that he has sat next to the same 2 children for over and year and got used to it, although he works fine with others in other situations though. I do think moving around is a good idea, but really hate seeing him so unhappy.

I encouraged him to talk to the teacher himself, but he says she laughed (I suspect she didn't really) but he is now really upset about it. Should I talk to the teacher? I tend to be of the attitude let the school deal with it (and after all someone has to sit next to this girl) but it's horrible seeing him so unhappy

Please have a quiet word with his teacher. Your DS needs to learn to work alongside all types of people, but these girls need to learn to leave others alone too.

I spent a year dumped next to the problem child because the teacher thought my good behaviour would rub off on him. It was a miserable year. He disturbed me, snapped my pencils, spoiled my work and led me to he kept in at break time to catch up several times a week. I wish the teacher had stepped in from time to time and told him to leave me alone. I was only 6.

Definitely have a word - I used to move the children every half term so they were sitting with different children. But I would have an extra rearrange if there was a problem with the first arrangement.

I would have a word, and let the teacher keep an eye on it.

But at the same time, try and build up him to dealing with it.

My dd1 can get herself into a state over not being able to concentrate due to something. Generally it's actually her rather than the thing she's blaming, and once she's started in that state then she can think everything is too distracting. If she's really concentrating well then I can burst a balloon behind her and she doesn't lose concentration.

I would be very at a teacher who was happy for one of her class to be whistling when they're meant to be working.

Thanks everyone. Sounds like I should have a word, but I agree it is as much about his coping strategies as the actual situation.

my daughter is complaining about a couple of people persistently distracting her. I am going to speak to the teacher this week. I accept that in the long run she needs to learn to cope with kids like this BUT I think the school need to teach her the appropriate techniques. For example does the teacher want the child to say shh I am trying to do my work or put their finger on their lips so they don't talk if they are supposed to be being quiet or if the child is really annoying can the child put their hand up and call the teacher over to deal with the child and so on. SO I think you need to pass it back to the teacher to sort out. Build his confidence so that he knows he is right to be trying to focus on his work, not to be drawn into their games and messing around etc but do speak to his teacher.

Hi GreenertheGrass:

This is a strategy teachers often use - have the well behaved child sit next to the difficult child and hopefully be a positive influence. I suspect they do it more out of hope than any actual successful experience.

My advice is this - do talk to the teacher but ask that your son is given a signal (something obvious to the teacher but not obvious to the class mates) that will indicate he is in difficulty. For example - he could put a ruler on the table above his workbook. The teacher will see this and can swing by to see what the trouble is.

I think an approach that you're happy for him to remain on the table but unhappy for him to be picked on is fair and most reasonable teachers would support you in that. I think raising these issues signals to the school you're aware there's a problem and not particularly happy. It also means that if things don't improve you have followed procedure by raising it with the teacher first and can then proceed with a complaint. However, I think we all have to accept that every class presents its difficulty for our children - and what you describe has occurred with both of my DDs as well.

HTH

Past
Thank you. That is really helpful. I am seeing the teacher today. Your idea sounds like a good one. The problem is that ds is very sensitive, particularly to sounds, smells etc.It took him until half way through year 1 until he stopped crying going into school. He's done so well since then, so it's horrible seeing a big step backwards. Hopefully it will resolve one way or another!

Hi Greener:

I really do hope this all works out for your DS!

all best wishes

PSBD