School anxiety

[LifeChangingMe]

I moved to Manchester (newly separated from husband) and thought a new school for my Year 4 (9 years old) son would be a new start but all his anxieties that happened at his last school came back- hysterical crying, clinging, making himself sick at night, telling me he will kill himself if he has to go to school. The EWO I spoke to mentioned the possibility of home tuition with slow integration but I know my son and any chance remotely of going to school will bring all his anxieties back.
I am currently home educating him which I love but may need to find a way of earning an income due to my ex not wanting to support us.
What can I do for my son? I know the problem is not the particular school but school as an institution itself.
I just want my little boy to be happy and have a carefree childhood :'-(

I really feel for you, and you must be so worried. For some children school just doesn't suit. It has also been a time of great change for you both, so that won't have helped. Can you speak with his father and explain how very anxious your son is? He is his father and should be helping to support his son. It is most unfair on yourself and your son to just abandon you and his responsibilities as a father.

I think you need some professional advice regarding some sort of maintenance, and wonder if you have joined any home ed groups. Someone I think will come along and advise you on this. There can be a wealth of support out there to help you.

Do you have any family or friends to help you, for instance if you looked for part time work?

I thnk, in the first instance keeping your son happy and well should be your priority, seeking advice regarding maintenance from your ex, and making contact with other home edders locally for support.

I know work and home ed can be done, but it takes some good advice and a bit of thought.

Sorry that I can't help more, but am sending my best wishes to you and your son. You are obviously a very caring mum and are doing your absolute best for him.

I hope you sort something out, sure you will find a way through this.

Further to Foreverweeding it seems like getting to the bottom of his anxieties through therapy would be sensible.

For example could his anxieties remain with him so that he struggles with work in the future, are they social and related to people (which might help guide his career choices etc.) or purely school based.

Surely the more understanding you and your son have of his debilitating anxieties then the better equipped you will both be going forward. I imagine that with anxiety this severe the GP would suggest a medical route, however they should also be offering talking therapies too (via CAMS?) and it would be the latter I'd be pushing for if I were you.

I personally have to disagree with thegamesafoot (sorry) in that he is only 9 and is telling you very clearly that he cannot cope with school, and when a child struggles with fitting into the school system many immediately jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with the child requiring medical intervention, and not contemplate that school just isn't right for them.

Very often a child who has struggled incredibly with the school environment for whatever reason, is very able to go into college, uni or work when older. College is a very different environment to school and so any school anxieties may not prove a problem. Also he will have matured too which makes a difference.

For some children school is a good experience, for some school is bearable but it is a fact that for some it is an absolute living nightmare. I really don't think the anxieties he feels about school should follow him into adult life, but all you can do as his mum is listen to him and support him. Both of these things you are doing op, but you need help and support too. You need to look after yourself so you can do the same for your dear son.

Hello OP

Do you have anybody who can help with some childcare during the day or night whilst you found some work.
Some H.ed parents fit in their child's learning with their job so this in itself isn't out of the question.
Would he be happy in an after school type situation rather than school.
I was thinking that you may get some help with childcare costs if you worked during these hours.
Are you a member of any local groups, they can be very supportive?
Also, if you ask MNHQ to move this to H.ed you may get some more traffic.