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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Unauthorised absence from primary school

62 replies

Hoofhearted69 · 30/10/2013 16:09

I know that generally speaking it's frowned upon to take your kids out of school, however I am taking my two boys home to NZ as my mum has been very poorly and is in her 80s. They are y4 and y6. We had planned to go next august so we could take the boys skiing and have a winter holiday, but have decided to go now, have flights booked today to depart end of November. This will mean my boys will miss 15 days of school and I'm worried about them losing their place and of course falling behind, although am happy to regularly email their work to their teachers, continue to read with them etc. has anyone else had similar experience and are we likely to be penalised...it's now a done deal so will have to take what comes but I want my boys to see their nana one last time (not been home for 4 years).

OP posts:

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itsametaphordaddy · 30/10/2013 16:39

I am bowing out of this one. I didn't intend to cause any offence. I have my own opinions about unauthorised absences, for very good reason. This is a different circumstance but I do however still think 15 days is an awful amount of school to be missed. I am sorry you are going through this op and I wish you well.

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 30/10/2013 16:39

I would think the school may treat it as exceptional, are you adding anything on this time or just seeing your mum? I think if you were adding on skiing or anything, forget that and try to reduce the time you are away for.

I would go and request a meeting with both teachers, explain the situation and get an idea of what teaching they will be missing. Three weeks is a whole lot of teaching, possibly new teaching, possibly revision but you will still need to keep on top of it.

But really, your mum is more important.

sturdyoak · 30/10/2013 16:40

This is a different circumstance but I do however still think 15 days is an awful amount of school to be missed.

At last! Yes this is an exceptional circumstance! Leave should be authorised.

Original poster

Hoofhearted69 · 30/10/2013 16:41

Itsa, i get it,I really do, I wouldn't want to be a teacher personally as I don't have the nerves of steel needed to deal with 30 kids in one room, and I do know how hard teachers work...I'm not in any way just shrugging off my kids education, and am more than prepared to work with my boys each day whilst away. That said, it's a bit inconvenient of my mum to become ill, (!) and it is my choice to go at the earliest opportunity, but if I don't go I will regret it for myself and my boys sake. Not ideal, but to me, necessary.

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 30/10/2013 16:44

Did you not speak to the head before booking?

I think it might meet the exceptional circumstances but doubt 15 days will be authorised but maybe 10 if they have excellent attendance in previous years.

You are being unreasonable to expect the teacher to prepare three weeks work though, its not fair to add to his/her workload because you are choosing to take the children out term time. It will be bad enough catching them up when back.

ChasedByZombees · 30/10/2013 16:47

You have to do this. It would be a lifetime regret if you don't.

heronsfly · 30/10/2013 16:47

I'm another parent who never ever takes their children out of school, our whole lives revolve around their education.
But there are a few things in life much much more important than learning, and this is one of them, if i was you i would make the trip without a second thought, lessons can be caught up with but you can never replace time spent with an elderly relative.

Original poster

Hoofhearted69 · 30/10/2013 16:51

Thisis..not going for any optional extras, just mum, and to try to sort out with my dad what kind of care they can get as they're pretty much on their own...the plan is to request a meeting with the school on Monday to let them know and find out what I can do to support the boys while we are away...don't expect them to authorise the absence but hope they will be able to help them out with work to take. Having a bit of routine will be good for them while we're there, and give me time out as well.
Itsa, no offence taken, you sound pretty passionate about your job, that can't be a bad thing hey?

OP posts:

sturdyoak · 30/10/2013 16:52

You are being unreasonable to expect the teacher to prepare three weeks work though, its not fair to add to his/her workload because you are choosing to take the children out term time.

Crikey, I could have missed three weeks at school or Uni and caught up! Think how much of the syllabus you can cover in revision... How much you can do 1 to 1 instead of 1 to 30, as well as all the down time (valuable but not taught eg playtime, watching DVDs, reading that can be done at home) in school. You can look any modern methodology up on the net re. new subjects. It will be absolutely fine.

Original poster

Hoofhearted69 · 30/10/2013 16:53

Happy, booked flights today, it's half term, no head at the school as far as I'm aware...

OP posts:

givemeaclue · 30/10/2013 16:57

Do you think the head till hold your places, are they normally sympathetic?

What a tough position you are go, I agree you have to go

Jenny70 · 30/10/2013 16:59

Sympathies on your mum. Hard call, with a crystal ball you would know if she rallies and outlives us all (you know what I mean) or fades into incapacitation or worse.

I personally would speak to the school before booking ,(or at least not say you've booked, only looked at availability). They might make it unauth, but as you said you'll be going regardless.... but having their support could be useful if plans get complicated, if your mother deteriorates/died at the end of your trip, if she needed nursing care sorted, lots of factors could put your trip plans changing last minute. It would be useful to have their support rather than being defensive etc.

Also, planning an emergency trip at the start of dec might not sit well with them, another possibility (now you've booked) might be to aproach school a week or so before.

Very hard call, you're going and need their support, but they won't be best pleased.

difficultpickle · 30/10/2013 17:10

Maybe itsame's school is different but I don't know of a primary school that actually does any productive work in the last week of term.

Hoof it maybe worth emailing the head today and explaining the situation. I'd be surprised if the school is shut completely for the entire half term.

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 30/10/2013 17:23

Well done, you sound super organised and sorted and I would have you a folders worth of stuff ready for your DS's in a jiffy!

Original poster

Hoofhearted69 · 30/10/2013 17:30

I think the school seems to be very supportive generally and the kids love it there, always run in happily, not had any issues before. Not taken them out of school during term time before either though. My mum has early vascular dementia, so good days and bad, but recent ill health has exacerbated it...I want the boys to be able to see her before who she is, is gone for good. They know she's not well, and confused/forgetful a lot, but not yet so far gone that she is aggressive, just pleasantly confused (!) as my dad says. Bisjo, good idea, will email the head now, and let her know I'm available to come in this week if she's about. Thank you all for your support and ideas.

OP posts:

difficultpickle · 30/10/2013 17:31

Just to clarify I think that the OP's dcs will be missing two weeks of productive school work which isn't as bad as missing three and I'm sure that any teacher would be willing to provide material to cover those two weeks in the OP's circumstances.

HorryIsUpduffed · 30/10/2013 18:20

OP has said fifteen school days. Now I'm fairly sure at least four of those will be carol service, nativity/Christmas play, school trip etc, but that still leaves a lot of days. And any decent teacher won't know until a day or so before precisely what s/he is going to teach anyway, depending on how the class has responded to what's gone before.

So whilst I agree OP should book and go, she must stay aware that it won't be simple for the teacher to supply work. At the very best you might hope for an occasional email with "here's a worksheet we did about dependent clauses" or "here's a test we did on fractions" or something, but inevitably some new topics or material will come up in December and it will be very hard for OP to teach them to her DC, particularly in the heightened emotional circumstances.

So the DC will be behind when they go back in January even if they try their hardest. Which is an unfortunate side-effect rather than a reason not to go, but not to be shrugged off completely. A bit like you obviously take a day off work to care for a poorly child, but you might have to work overtime later that week to make up for it / pay the gas bill.

difficultpickle · 30/10/2013 18:33

And any decent teacher won't know until a day or so before precisely what s/he is going to teach anyway

Gosh, I'm really surprised at that statement. That isn't the case in ds's school thank heavens. Is that normal?

HorryIsUpduffed · 30/10/2013 18:39

Well they might know vaguely but their lesson plans won't be set until they know where the children are at - and certainly not three weeks ahead!

mrz · 30/10/2013 18:46

Very normal ... planning should never be set in stone and teaching should respond to the pupils. I've seen some poor teachers cling to planning when it obviously isn't working simply because it's Wednesday and that's what they wrote on Sunday afternoon as everything crumbles around them.

difficultpickle · 30/10/2013 19:08

But it wouldn't be a complete mystery, would it? The teacher would know what they were teaching up to the end of term even if some dcs didn't achieve that? Eg times tables, fractions etc. They would have topics and work that they would hope to get through, surely?

Littleredsquirrel · 30/10/2013 19:11

Just do it. So what if they miss some school. It's hardly going to affect the rest of their school career.

difficultpickle · 30/10/2013 19:12

I have to say that if my parent was ill and several thousand miles away ds missing three weeks of school would be very low on my list of priorities. I think the OP is admirable to be considering it at all in her circumstances. I know someone with vascular dementia. It is a horrible and unpredictable illness.

MaggieW · 30/10/2013 19:20

Family first, definitely - and that's me talking as a NZer who DID take DS out of school and go back for what ended up being the final visit to see my Mum. In the two-three weeks leading up to Christmas in past, I've lost count of the number of Christmas activity sheets done, decorations made and DVDs the DCs have watched, and that's at a school which takes academic work very seriously!

Go and enjoy some lovely time with your Mum - and some warm weather.

mrz · 30/10/2013 19:21

We only plan two days ahead and that is subject to change bisjo mid term plans are very flexible.

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