This isn't normal for parent's evening, is it?

[theendgame]

We have had the most bizarre parent's evening ever, and I don't really know what to do.

The teacher spent the first few minutes telling us that levels are rubbish and don't really matter and this is just a piece of form-filling that she has to go through. This is year 2, so we were a bit about this anyway.

She then asked if there was anything she needed to know about DS, and we said that he is saying that the maths is very easy. At which point she went into overdrive, talked over us really aggressively, suggested we leave the school, and said that we'd hurt her feelings by suggesting that she was a bad teacher. And anyway, we didn't need to worry because DS would get A*s and go to whatever university he liked.

Now, I am quite prepared to believe that we are the pushy parents from hell, but at least two other parents have had similar experiences, including the being talked over very hard, although ours was probably the most extreme. But I have no idea how we can bring this to the school without sounding like we are the ones who lost it, because presumably the teacher will just deny everything?

DH came out of the meeting and said that he wished he'd recorded it, because then at least we could prove that we were not exaggerating what went on.

She is a very experienced teacher too, and I am wondering whether this is a build up of stress and she needs some time off. But that really isn't my place to say. But what do we do?

Oh and I have NC because this might just be recognisable as I don't think it can happen very much (can it?)

No that doesn't sound normal at all. My DD's teacher had a list of points that she wanted to cover for each child eg, how well they are listening, how well they talk to teacher / other kids, how they are doing in reading, writing and maths. She then game me the chance to raise issues such as DD is finding maths homework very straightforward. She said always to look for the extra challenge at the end of the homework or add on our own challenges if we wanted. This seems a much better way of addressing a concern that work is too easy.

I agree with Ghoul - that experience is not normal! Do you know any of the Parent Governors at the school? I shouldn't be left, but I would feel awkward making a formal approach too. It sounds as though the teacher may need a bit more support at the moment, and if so, the children in her care will too. This is the longest half-term of the academic year I think, and lots of children, parents and teachers feel the strain this week. The season change and the emergence of winter bugs and colds when everyone is a bit run-down also make for a difficult week or so. I'd try to have a quiet word to a Governor - something to the effect - "Is Ms X okay since she seemed stressed at the Parents' Evening".

No, she does sound stressed, but the governors have no place in dealing with this - you need to speak to the headteacher, and soon.

no that isn't normal. I had to say my daughter was complaining the work was all too easy at our parents evening and the teacher smiled and said 'oh ok, I will look for some more challenges then' and made a note. She seemed almost enthusiastic to find out something like that which was a relief because I didn't want it to be taken the wrong way.

I am not sure what you can do about it though but it isn't right and a teacher shouldn't have spoken to you like that when you were raising a valid point.

Speak with the Head. Preferably both of you together.

I wonder if you were the 3rd or 4th parents raising the same point that evening and whilst you did it in a nice respectful way perhaps others didn't and she was feeling very defensive by then?

Periwinkle - I agree. The response seemed so disproportionate, that's the what's so odd (although it wouldn't even have been proportionate if we had been the worst parents through the door that night). But I think there is something more underneath it.

We will have to think over the half term about how to phrase it, and to whom.

It isn't something for the governors.

How shocking for you though. I hope you manage to resolve it, though I'm not sure you can, without getting away from the teacher.

That's kind of what I'm thinking too ercol. But I'd really rather that wasn't the case.

(do you have an ercol desk, incidentally, I've always wanted one )

talk to the head teacher. mention to the other parents that you are going to talk to the head. possibly go and ask for clarification rather than complain... if you think that will be more productive. deputies hold quite a bit of sway too. would talking to the deputy about ds's progress help?

Your ds is in Year 2, and she said he'll get all A*s and go to whatever university he likes? She sounds on the edge of a breakdown.

This is something that you do need to take to the head teacher. At one level there is potentially a welfare issue with this teacher as others have said, they do sound like they are about to go pop.
The alternative view is that you have a maverick teacher who is doing their own thing in the school. That is something the head may already know about but believe it is an internal issue for the school. It is clearly not internal politics if the teacher is saying things to parents like levels are rubbish.

I think a quiet word with the Head that she seemed stressed.
I wouldn't tell other parents or there is a risk of a parent posse and that is not helpful to anyone.

I agree that a quiet word is the way forward. Just say that you're concerned. Sounds to me like the poor woman is on the edge of a breakdown. Sadly this is what the additional pressure and workload is doing to some people.

I can see no good reason for mentioning to other parents that you intend to have a word with the head.

Poor woman sounds like she's losing it.

No, I don't have an Ercol desk - yet, but maybe one day...

I had a similar thing happen to me once at work - a fairly polite request to check a piece of work met with a shouty response and the member of staff walked out on me. My line manager investigated and apparently I was the final straw after a lot of internal angst had been building up.

And I've noticed that over-reacting to something is definitely a sign of stress in me. In fact it's my best way of assessing if I am too stressed, rather than just really busy.

I would have a word with the head.

Seeing she suggested you leave the school I'd start with a visit to the head teacher to discuss why it has been suggested you leave the school, their reasons for this in writing. Hopefully you'll able able to move to another class.

This is definitely not normal, and yes, you definitely need to have a quiet word with the head teacher, describing what happened. I agree with BigBrick, the fact that she actually suggested you leave hte school (!!!!) is a great entry-point for discussion with the head.

It sounds like your kid's teacher is either ready for retirement or experiencing some kind of severe stress that is impacting on her ability to behave appropriately. Either way, it's not good for your DS or the other kids in his class. You're entirely right to take it seriously.

Thank you everyone. We will try and have a quiet word after half term then. Which does at least give us some time to work out how to say it.