Help me with DS's behaviour at school ( year 6)

[DialsMavis]

A very mixed parents evening last night . DS is doing v well academically and will be doing level 6 Sats, which is great (obviously). His teacher said he is mature, kind, very focused on his work and often a joy to teach.

But.....

He is exhibiting increasingly disruptive and attention seeking behaviour. We have always had issues with him wishing to be seen as the class clown and struggling with wanting to answer each and every question in class. It appears it is now slipping over into truly arrogant behaviour.

The teacher says it's vital that we fix this now as at High School where teachers only see him for an hour or 2 a week his good points may well be missed. This already appears to be happening as he is on the verge of being put on report. Nearly all his sanctions come from a music teacher who only sees them for an hour a week. I have told the school I back them 100% and had a serious word with DS, but I don't know how to proceed. School are going to keep an eye on how much lunch he eats as I asked if behaviour much worse in the afternoon, to which they said yes. I have explained that he barely eats any lunch as he is always desperate to get out and play. But obviously this isn't the cause if the problem. I really want to nip this in the bud while he is still in primary school. Does anyone have any experience? Have your DC come out the other side and behaved themselves? What did you do? TIA

I wouldn't let primary school frighten you too much with the warnings of horror at secondary. a) most kids "get taken down several pegs" by going from being the top of the school to the bottom of senior school b) senior schools are used to far more arrogant/stroppy characters than an 11 year old c)he will tend to move around a lot, so if he has a bad time with one teacher he can move on after one hour.

If the problems all come from one teacher, maybe it is a personality clash more than general arrogance.
Can you get some far more specific feed back from the school on exactly what he is doing wrong. Also talk to him without telling him off or getting angry to see if he can tell you what the problem is.

Also how many friends does he have? Are these real friends? Is anyone egging him on? Does he have friends out of school? How wide spread is this behaviour out of school?

Thanks for replying, that does set my mind at rest somewhat!

I have spoken to him very calmly but explained we will have to follow through punishments at home if it continues. His reasoning is "so and so gets away with it" and it's not fair"....last year I put the probs he had with one teacher who taught him occasionally down to a personality clash, so I'm less inclined to automatically do the same with this new teacher. He is also like it to a much lesser extent to his class teacher, who he loves.

We have similar issues at home, in that he is well behaved but thinks he can argue his point to adults to the point of incredibly frustrating rudeness.

The behaviour at school seems to be: shouting out answers, sniggering, trying to make people laugh, answering back.

He has plenty of friends but is desperate to impress them and fit in and be popular. I think they all egg each other on to some extent. We have only lived here 2 years, they all just seem like normal 10/11 year old boys to me.

No probs that I am aware of at out if school activities

I think year 6s are well known for getting a bit too big for their boots at this stage, but arriving as the littlest fish in a big pool for year 7 tends to knock that on the head for a lot of them.

The endless arguing/always having to have the last word etc at home sounds very familiar too - DS was just like that at 11/12, but grew out of it a couple of years ago. I think it was just part of growing up.

What does he think of the music lesson?

my ds HATES their weekly music lesson, and he gets to play a trombone so it isn't exactly boring, just that music really isn't his thing.
That is not an excuse for being rude or badly behaved, but it might explain why he needs to play the clown in that particular lesson.

My ds is year 6 and there are one or two things this year where I have said that you need to sort this, because next year there is much less flexibility (in his case it was getting out of the house when I said he had to leave, he just wanted to find his library book, and fill in his reading record etc and he wouldn't listen to the 'you don't have time')

So, I think it is fine to let him know that he is now expected to take some more responsibility, and be more accountable. I would suggest you put some firm clear boundaries, eg no screens at the weekend, unless teacher tells me your behaviour has been good during week. Get the teacher to specifiy what she wants changed, so rather than ''he has been good'' it should be ''he has spoken politely to staff all week,'' or ''he has done as asked by staff this week''

Get him to come up with alternatives to being mouthy when he is feeling irritated, and get him to come up with suitable repercussions if he is.

I also find that acknowledging his feelings goes a long way, so saying that he doesn't like music, and he and the music teacher don't see eye to eye, and that is life, it happens, even in your favourite job, but you have to find ways of coping, and being rude isn't an option, gets them to take responsibility for the situation.

just seen your second post - yes yes to the arguing and mouthing off.

I have told ds that he has a great future as a negotiating lawyer, but home is not a court room and I am not going to get into an argument over the precise wording of the ban/question/answer I gave. He knows perfectly well what my intention was and THAT is IT!

Consider how much/little physical activity there is in the school day. DS's last primary would think 30mins country dancing per week sufficed when the hall was out of action for nativity etc. He's better for proper amounts of sport.

The discipline of a martial arts class?

Thanks for all the replies... Will read and reply properly tomorrow.

Some children only respond to something they love at home, whether it be a physical 'thing' or x-box time, or out of school (e.g. extra-curricular activity) being taken away. I have been in the situation where I would tell a parent each Friday how their child had been that week and that would determine how much x-box time (if any!) they got at the weekend - that made a huge improvement to the boy in question!