DS YR - ASD Traits - Odd meeting at school....

[tricot39]

We got called to a meeting at school about DS having asperger traits. We were called by the senco so frankly spent 3 days worried sick.

I am now in turmoil. I found it really hard going. They seemed to have been concerned by his involvement with some other boys on making a mess and not wanting to clear up. His social skills are poor and he has no empathy. He tried to go for a wee in a playground drain. But he is gentle with other kids and "good at setting boundaries" and when the Senco asked how he was getting on with academic work the teacher said ok. He seems to be persistent asking for certain things; refuses to eat fruit/food he dislikes and managed to change the youtube film that they had put on the computer. most issues occur outside the classroom in unstructured time.

At some point the senco said she didn't know why she was there! Overall the impression was very negative which was sad as we thought that he had been going well only 5/6 weeks in sad

It was agreed that they would monitor him in relation to social skills and discuss again in december. we left despondent (sp?).

2 days later I have discovered from my neighbour that he is reading with her y1 DS in their guided reading sets! Shame that they couldn't have let us know so that the meeting was not all negative....

Is this normal for school dealings? ie is this what we just need to get used to? I am not sure I can cope with the dysfunctional communication - especially when their main concern with DS is with his poor communication!!

The school absolutely cannot diagnose ASD.

The good points to bring from this is that your DS is achieving well academically.

If he is not coping well socially the school need to be putting in place strategies to help him and discussing these strategies with you. If they are not having to do this right away it sounds like they may feel his problems could be to do with settling in but are keeping an eye upon him just in case the problems escalate.

Whatever happens, the school has to keep you informed and you have to give your consent for outside agencies to be involved, in terms of any assessments.

I agree with sturdyoak. to diagnose they would need to have received the formal training. and if the probs occur in unstructured time its their responsibility to support him and put things in place.

I'd monitor him yourself at home too. try not to worry unduly.

I dont get from all that that the school were trying to/claiming to be diagnosing him?

Just that they were flagging up concerns and bringing it to your attention, probably to see if you have any concerns too.

I would be grateful they seem to have some awareness of traits that could be associated with ASD. If he is, indeed on the spectrum, you will have their support and documentation from meetings, observations etc.. Which will help in getting a diagnosis and then suitable strategies should be put into place.
My DD struggled for years with undiagnosed AS and it was a fight to even get the school to be aware of what her problems were.
Agree that it does seem a shame they haven't also thought to mention the positive achievements your DS has!

i can understand that you are very upset about the school telling you something as worrying as this. I suppose you need to look at it for what it is - information. They have some concerns based on what they have observed. They are letting you know this. They have said they will continue to monitor and observe. Really I think you need to ask yourself if you have any concerns. If you do then see your GP and get a referral. Getting an ASD diagnosis is difficult. Your ds will not be diagnosed if there is nothing wrong. The school wont have mentioned his reading as this isnt really relevant. Having an ASD does not mean you are not academic. I remember how upset I was when ds nursery raised concerns about him - I was v upset and pretty furious, but they were right to raise those concerns in the long run.

While I am upset that AS might be an issue I have been a bit at the way the issue has been raised by the school. For example being asked "is he autistic?" when I had asked if I could have photos of their setting as suggested by his nursery. Suggesting that someone from a support group (for parents not a social skills group) come to our first meeting with the school, rather than it being offered as a follow up. Not giving a steer on whether DS was to attend - i decided not abd am now very glad he did not hace to listen abd have his confidence shattered. Not giving an introduction to the meeting to explain why we had been called in and by who, and whether it was a follow up to my getting the photos or for the school to raise concerns. TBH I am still not terribly clear..... When the SENCO asked the teacher how he was getting on she said ok.... at that point it would have been relevant to mention that he was doing better than ok. The teacher said that DS would be "marked down" on the social (?) part of the EYFS curriculum but didn't say what teaching these skills get in order that they can justify assessment. To have had some very direct statements made over the phone which were pretty worrying, the meeting was pretty light on concrete problems. So i wondered if this sounds fairly typical or if they were having an off day - i am hoping the latter......

From what you have said it does sound like there has been some jumping to conclusions going on.

However this does not change the fact that a school cannot diagnose ASD. Their focus should be on providing help, if you child needs it, with or without a diagnosis.

If your child does not need additional help there is no issue. If he does they should be giving it, trialling strategies. Only if these strategies do not work would outside agencies be called in, with your permission, to assess and advise. Meanwhile the school should keep you informed every step of the way.

Of course, if you wish, you can see your GP, who can refer you to a paediatrician, if you are worried.

It's pretty unbelievable that his teacher is saying that he will be "marked down" on the PSED (personal, social, emotional development) part of the EYFS at this stage in the year. I'm hoping she didn't actually explain it very well and meant that he is functioning at an age level below where he should be. The EYFS is assessed in age bands that overlap by roughly 10 months by the time they enter Year R. Have a look online and see where your DS falls.
They absolutely can't diagnose ASD - the most they can possibly say is that he displays some traits from the spectrum. But at the end of the day, so do most of my Year R class - they are very young and mostly immature!
I'm sorry that you've had such a bad experience in the meeting; but look on the positive side you now know what to say and to go into a meeting with that clear in your mind or with support.
Looking back at your post, he sounds like a normal Year R child to me - I have lots of children who won't eat the fruit at school and they all change things on the computer ALL the time!
Did you have any worries before? My DS2 has Asperger's - he is 16 now, but didn't really exhibit any traits or behaviours that couldn't be put down to being very young until he was nearly 7. It was Year 2 when it all went completely pear shaped for him. Looking back there were indicators, but only because we now know he has AS. There was nothing when he was in Year R that would have given us any clues that he was anything other than a typical Year R child.

You can't be marked down on the EYFS! It's not a marking system it's designed as a guide although all children develop at different rates. Also you might find if you look at the EYFS that he is at a different level but not showing it at school IYSWIM.

I bloody hate it when teachers refer to the EYFS and expect parents to a) understand it straight away and b) not worry if it sounds negative.

Ask them what they are doing to support him as an individual child and enable his environments and how they are helping him form positive relationships. If they are doing fuck all to help him you'll be able to tell by how long it takes them to answer.

The threads on here and issues with my own DS are really making me angry at schools right now!