Unsettled 4 year old after starting reception

[Northlondonma]

Hi all.

I know this is fairly common but was looking for some advice.

My daughter turned 4 at the end of August so she had literally just had her birthday when she started school.

All started well and she seemed to be settling well. I was concerned about her age and also the fact that she knew no-one in her class. Even so she started and all seemed good.

Queue 6 weeks in and total meltdown. Apparently she misses me at school (she has been in nursery since age 1 but only 3 days a week) and feels lonely. I spoke to the teacher and she said she was surprised as she is never alone at playtime and seems to be getting on well with other children. Major thing for her is that a girl she was playing with everyday (who has already turned 5) has since decided that she wants to play with an older girl. These things happen though and that's just school.

The worst thing is that she is now in my bed every night! She seems to be getting a lovely night's sleep but I am getting no sleep at all!!!! She has also decided that it is unreasonable for me to have any form of social life! Never bothered her before the odd dinner out but last week she was in hysterics about it.

Just to add we have recently completed on a house and moved so it's all adding up.

Any advice from other parents in this situation!

Xxxx

I didn't want you to go unanswered. My DD is older but a July birthday so I've been through a bit of it when she started school.

It sounds like a lot of change in one go for her to process. Are you pregnant? I just ask because that can prompt a house move and might also be unsettling her.

But yes, school playgrounds are a minefield and my DD struggles with it. I think a lot of girls do. But if the teacher's not concerned, hopefully that helps. What about allowing her to take in a toy like a skipping rope, if the school allows it, or better still two skipping ropes (Tesco sell them cheap) so she can play with someone else, as an ice-breaker?

Things you can do to help are play dates (if she isn't too tired) and when the time comes, a big birthday party with as many of the class as you can manage to invite. Make sure she goes to other parties too and any school social events, fetes, etc.

What I can tell you from my own experience is that this is a huge term, so much going on and very long. My DD settled around Jan/Feb.

Maybe try bribery for the bed thing - a couple of smarties or a sticker if she doesn't sleep in your bed?

Good luck!

Thanks so much for replying.

No I'm not pregnant. We have a 10 month old so that is most def not on the cards!

Thanks for all the suggestions. She is a friendly little thing but think she misses her pals from nursery (who we do still see).

Just a massive transition. I have ordered her a new big girl's bed so hoping that will help. Although this morning she told me that she will start to sleep in her own room when she is 17. Hmmmmm.

At sleeping in her own room when she is 17.

I think you might just have to be patient and consistent - she is dealing with a lot of changes and that must feel a little overwhelming. I was told once by a behavioural consultant type, that in order to introduce change you need to balance 3 things: familiarity of people, routine, or environment - and try to keep two of those things going, in order to make a transition as smooth as possible.

So, perhaps make the home routine easily predictable, and consistent - set bedtimes, usual after school activities on set days etc. Perhaps that's why all of a sudden she is anxious about you going out, because she's just feeling a bit insecure in general? Hopefully it's just a temperary blip and she will adjust as she gets more used to school life , makes different friends, and gets used to the new house. You could ask at parents' eve or speak to the teacher about who else she plays with, and arrange a few playdates. Give her time to settle and she'll probably be fine - if she was on her own all the time I'm sure the teacher would have noticed, so I suspect you are hearing the more dramatised version, where she is expressing her anxieties - and it seems worse than it is. I don't know if she is into books, but for both of mine, they seemed to enjoy I want a friend - by Tony Ross and Starting School and I think it helped them to get a handle on that very first term. It also provided a starting point for things they wanted to talk about sometimes. "Oh that happens in MY school..." etc. etc.

Brilliant thanks fluffymonster! Think it has all been a bit much for her and I just assumed she would be alright with it all. May have to rethink sleeping arrangements if she plans on sleeping between me and husband for the next 13 years!