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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Wealthy local village school, we are not wealthy

27 replies

BillStickersIsInnocent · 17/10/2013 06:32

I've just completed the online admissions process for DD's new school next September. It's a lovely school, children seem happy and confident, I really like certain policies and approaches (mixed football and netball teams, school lunches, outdoor activities etc)
It's in a very wealthy village. Lots of horse ownership, big houses, very expensive cars. We live outside the village. We have none of the above.
At the open morning the other day all the other parents seemed quite well off. I'm worried DD will feel excluded/won't want her school friends to play/will feel jealous when others talk about their ponies/overseas holidays etc

Am I worrying about nothing? I do feel that a good mix of people and backgrounds is good for everyone, but this school is our only choice really.

Any thoughts or experiences?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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meisiemee · 17/10/2013 06:38

Don't worry, is it a private school? If not then they are not that wealthy as they would go private. People with horses are not necessarily rich either. Please don't worry, for show and tell days your child can take in something you have done together it doesn't have to be photos of overseas trips, the other children will be more interested in a cardboard alien!
Really don't worry x

Nevercan · 17/10/2013 06:45

I am sure it will be fine and she might even get to ride their ponies

tumbletumble · 17/10/2013 06:46

Our village school is in a wealthy village. As there is just one village school all the village kids go there. In my son's class there is a complete range, from children on free school meals (fewer than average for schools across the UK, but still several in each class) to people with a lot of money, and the kids all play together and treat each other the same and are completely unaware of it.

tumbletumble · 17/10/2013 06:50

My friend's son did come home from a playdate and ask his mum if they could move to a bigger house 'like Harry's'. You might get a bit of that. But the point is, no one is excluded because of their background.

VivaLeThrustBadger · 17/10/2013 06:56

It was the same where dd was at primary. All other kids either came to school on horse back or in a massive 4x4. Dd's best friends parents were millionaires.

I never felt out of place. Dd had lots of friends. I did get a bit of "why can't we live in a house like x". So I was just honest, that her parents have lots more money.

Bowlersarm · 17/10/2013 07:01

The thing is OP there is little you can do about it, assuming you are still going to send your DC to this excellent school and not move house in the meantime.

Don't be apologetic about your situation, it is what it is. You might get a bit of envy but it'll pass. I'm sure there will be more of a mixture of wealth than you are expecting.

VivaLeThrustBadger · 17/10/2013 07:09

I found as well that there was a bit of envy towards me as well. Very, very few of the mms worked. They all dog walked, went to the gym, had lunch together. I work, have what most perceive to be an interesting job. The amount of mums who said they were a bit bored, wished they had a career like me, etc. maybe they were just been polite.

I wish I could spend all day lunching and going to the gym!

Original poster

BillStickersIsInnocent · 17/10/2013 07:30

Thank you this is really useful.

It's not a private school but in a three tier system (first, middle, high). If parents go private they do so from year 4 it seems.

I'm wary of sounding jealous because I am a bit and don't want it to come across so will need to be mindful of this.

I really like the truthful answer to give DD if she ever asks ('because they have more money than we do') as it's totally objective and not self pitying.

When I was growing up we had some rich friends - ponies, lots of overseas holidays, yearly ski trip, and actually looking back it didn't really matter, it just 'was'.

Thanks again, that's made me feel better!

OP posts:

Original poster

BillStickersIsInnocent · 17/10/2013 07:31

Viva other kids came to school on horseback

OP posts:

mummytime · 17/10/2013 07:58

When my eldest two were little we had a lot of holidays in the US (DHs work had a deal which made it very cheap). My DC used to moan, why couldn't they go to Spain/the Isle of Wight like their friends.

If you have land owning a horse isn't that expensive.

Breadandcakes · 17/10/2013 10:12

I heard a child recently saying I would love to live in a house like X's (large house) and the mother's response made me smile - "I wouldn't - too much dusting & cleaning!!"

pixiepotter · 17/10/2013 14:36

Well it might happen and it might not.
Worrying won't change that.
Just go in cheerful and pleasant and don't try too hard to force your way into established friendship groups

Original poster

BillStickersIsInnocent · 17/10/2013 19:41

Pixie I'm not entirely sure what you mean - are you saying I shouldn't try and mix with the richer families?

OP posts:

Xochiquetzal · 17/10/2013 21:07

DD is at a private school as Grandad pays, I'm a student and DH doesn't earn much, we live in a council flat and walk to school.

DD has lots of friends and I get on wth most of the other parents (there's 1 mum I don't get on with but thats nothing to do with money, it's just coz she's a cow). All kids compare what they have but tbh most of the bits DDs mentioned are things like 'X has disney princess bedding' and 'Y has pink wellies, they are way better than boring red ones'. As for going round each others houses, I'm told that Xs house is better when the weathers good and they can see the horses/run round the garden but my house is better when they're indoors as I don't get cross when they cover the floor in playdough (joys of cheap vinyl rather than expensive carpets). Holidays hasn't been an issue either, I think DDs too young to understand that laying on a beach on a tropical island is different to a trip to camber sands.

I agree with Pixie, don't try too hard to force your way into established friendship groups, not because you shouldn't try to mix with the richer families but because that's good advice at any school as little clicks form between parents, especially ones who have been there a few years, so you're best off getting to know the parents from your childs class who aren't in these little clicks.

VivaLeThrustBadger · 17/10/2013 21:20

billstickers. Yep.

My brother came with me once to pick dd up. He made a comment about all the Range Rovers, Landrovers, etc as we walked up the road. He was when he saw the mums sat on their horses opposite the school, all with a pony on a lead rein waiting for their kids!

SuperiorCat · 17/10/2013 21:27

Primary children are much less aware of differences in family income.

At Secondary school it is a lot different though.

We had a weekend away with a big group of DCs friends to a Haven site - the children of the mega-wealthy said it was the best holiday they had ever had - way better than their trip to Thailand / Kenya safari etc etc

herladyship · 17/10/2013 21:31

DS went to primary in a wealthy village.. it was a crap school & DS constantly told me that he was the only child in the world that hadn't been to Florida..

However, all the parents were V.nice & 15 years after starting there (DS is now 18) we still have many friends & their fortunes are mixed due to the economic state of the UK

My favourite moment ever was a slightly snooty mum saying 'does DS want to bring his trunks & go in the pool' and DS (age 5) replying 'it's only a little pool & there's no slide so I don't think it's worth it'

I was

allfrontandnodoorcolour · 17/10/2013 22:18

"If not [private school] then they are not that wealthy as they would go private." Simply not true I'm afraid.

Some people who are very well off and can easily afford private still go to state schools for all sorts of reasons.

OP I doubt she will be the only one who doesn't have a pony/ mansion etc.

VivaLeThrustBadger · 18/10/2013 12:11

Agree they may well just choose not to use private schools.

Many of the families I know choose not to for various reasons. Some are opposed to private education. When your village school is outstanding and only has on average 6 -8 kids per year, so 12-16 kids per class why would you go private?

LatteLady · 18/10/2013 12:26

When I was 11, my best friend was the girl whose coat peg was next to mine. I lived in a three bed council house, my mother was a daily and my dad was a gardener. She lived in a large apartment on the sea front, her family owned an awful lot of property and they were very rich. Growing up I did not realise quite how poor we were, but her fave memories are of time spent in front of our coal fire decorating Christmas logs with butter icing.

We are still best friends 45 years later, she still has more money than me but it does not make any difference to us now and it certainly did not back then. Just be yourselves, if people judge you on what you earn and possess, they are not true friends.

Talkinpeace · 18/10/2013 19:47

OP
At DCs (state) school some of the parents are multimillionaires. One of them employs around 20 of the other parents.
It is accepted as fact and not an issue.
My house is in a scummy area, but we have a fab chip shop near by.
Other people have pools.
Every family will find their niche.

VenusDeWillendorf · 18/10/2013 19:55

I think it's best not to be a snob.

If you haven't got as much money as some of them have, so what?
If you have more than some of them have, so what?

Good manners are essential.

Just looking at people on the basis of their wealth (a lot/ a little ) is very shallow, and outrageous tbh.

Hope your kid enjoys being in school with his mates. Make sure you invite his mates back to yours.

rabbitstew · 18/10/2013 20:27

In terms of your dd, she will make friends with people, not their money, I hope, as would the other children, so it won't matter one iota where you live or how much stuff you have. I would presume, anyway, your dd will be making friends in school, before she gets to see the size of anyone else's house/pony/swimming pool. I would also presume that she wouldn't be shallow enough to make friends with someone BECAUSE they have a horse or a swimming pool at home any more than someone would be shallow enough not to make friends with her because she doesn't.

curlew · 18/10/2013 20:32

Just be prepared for lots of her friends to leave at the end of year 2...........

rabbitstew · 18/10/2013 20:34

Apparently it's year 4 at that school, curlew.

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