DS having trouble settling in to reception, teachers want to get external help?

[Floridagirl]

DS started reception in September, unfortunately at a different school than the one he attended for nursery as we didn't get a place there.

It took him a long time to settle into nursery - it was probably at least Christmas before he got used to the routines and so on.

I knew that it would take time for him to settle into reception, however I am concerned that the reception teachers are not really taking this into account. After he had been there just over a week we had a chat about some of his "behaviours", all of which were perfectly normal comfort things for DS like always carrying a small item around with him (doesn't matter what, he just likes to have hold of something), and struggling with boundaries (they mentioned that they had shown the class where they could and couldn't go and DS wasn't taking much notice).

The week after that the teachers spoke to my husband at drop off time and suggested that they might need to bring in external help, but didn't really elaborate.

On Friday when I dropped DS at school (first day back after a week off sick) the teachers asked if I could arrange a time to come and speak to them as they were still concerned about him settling in. I went in this morning and they asked if they could have my permission to get an external person in to observe him - some one from the "Communications Team" at the LA.

Frankly, I felt a bit under pressure so I said yes, but then over the rest of the day and after discussing with DH I rather wish I hadn't, or at least hadn't without getting more information.

I have drafted an email withdrawing my verbal permission and suggesting we wait until the end of term before resuming discussions about this. I just think he is so young, and it seems really early on for them to be deciding that he has issues with social communications when he has barely been there long enough to learn the teachers names. They said that he plays by himself a lot - but if he is happy to do that at the moment, does it matter? He had loads of friends and a best friend at nursery so it's not like he has never made friends before!

He is a handful, I don't deny that - but we manage his behaviour at home perfectly well. He just struggles to deal with changes and transitions and needs a little help!

I know the teachers are busy, and there are a lot of other kids in the class, but it seems a bit like they are just taking an easy way out.

Would appreciate some of your views before I decide whether to send this email or not.

Don't send the email but talk directly to the teacher.

What are their concerns?
What can this outside team offer?
What are the benefits to your DS?

Sorry this is giving you worry, but do TALK to the teacher and explain your position, see what they say and go from there.

Emails I think send too strident a message at this stage.

I think you should accept the offer to bring in an external adviser. The adviser will offer strategies to help your ds settle more quickly, which can only be a good thing. It is not "taking the easy way out".

When you manage his behaviour at home, there are either one or two adults, and one child. At school there are 30 children and 2 adults. The same strategies can't always be used.

I would accept the observation, the mere fact that they are checking whether he has any difficulties won't make him have any difficulties iyswim. It may be that you are so in tune with him and his needs at home that you are managing/masking any issues he has. It's worth checking, so if they say there are no issues this will prove to the teachers there are no communication probs.

Having said all that, I have not heard of a communications team before and they would presumably not be qualified to diagnose anything - he would need to be referred for assessment I would think.

I am unsure about whether I would want the involvement of a communications team without knowing who they were, what their scope / area of expertise was and why the school think it necessary, what are the teacher's concerns and knowing what the school have tried to do to address the issues in their eyes. I would engage the school (teacher, any support staff who have been involved and the head) in conversation and would definitely not leave it until the end of term, get a dialogue going, daily communication book perhaps and take it from there.

In my local area, the communication team helps children by assessing their social skills and making recommendation to the teacher about how to help the child manage school better.
I would definitely not let a child struggle for a whole term as he will miss out on a lot of learning and social activities too.

School see hundreds of children so if they have any concerns, I would ask them what they are seeing and what they have tried so far and share with them strategies that work at home as well as the strategies that you avoid as you have observed that they make things worse.

If school think that your child may have an underlying significant problem , like social anxiety, autistic traits, ADHD, they will recommend a referral to the local health services (paediatrics or psychiatrists) to assess this formally as the communication team can't do it themselves but they can share their expert observations within the school environment. Doctors will listen to both your views (mostly) and the school feedback before coming up with a conclusion, or the lack of diagnosis.

At the moment, it sounds like school are still trying to understand how to support your child best, so I would go with their idea and ask to see the outcome of the communication team assessment and measures in place to help your child.

I hope that he settles in soon and everyone can relax and forget about all this soon and that he engages with earning and school routines. Reception can be a shock to the system for a lot of children as things are so different suddenly.

Sorry - I didn't really make myself clear there, when I said resume discussions at the end of term I have also suggested that we meet regularly to discuss his progress and resume discussions about the external advisor at the end of term if no progress made.

I looked on the LA website and the "Communications Difficulties Team" says that they assist in the identification of pupils with autistic spectrum, social communication, or speech language difficulties. I have asked for some more information from them about what they do.

I know I am being slightly unhinged about this. But he is my baby, and is utterly perfect in every way (although I know he isn't!)

MistyB, I think you have hit the nail on the head, I have included some of this stuff in my email already about what strategies have they tried, what worked, how do they reward good behaviour, what do they have in place to help children make friends.

I just feel like I got blindsided this morning, DS had been sobbing as he didn't want to go to school, and I was totally unprepared!

I think this might explain what the communications team role might be www.gloucestershire.gov.uk/CHttpHandler.ashx?id=28988&p=0

I think you need to trust the teachers. If there isn't a problem then this team will presumably say that. I agree that at home there will be a better adult child ratio and you know him. At school there are 30 children, 2 or 3 adults. There is also the possibility that behaviour at school is different to behaviour at home. My 2 are exceptionally well behaved at school but one of them is a very complex child and has huge emotional needs at home, the school had no idea. The same can happen in reverse.

I would speak to the teacher, go ahead with the assessment and see what is suggested.

Entirely up to you, but personally I would welcome with open arms anyone who may be able to give the school advice on how to help him settle. They have a class (2 classes? 3 classes?) of new starters every year, and get a 'feel' for when children would benefit from additional support. You said yourself it took him a long time to settle into Nursery, but he's been at a Nursery environment for a year, and now, six weeks in, is still not really settling in to school. Why wouldn't you welcome support to help him with that.
But agree with others - go in ans speak to the teacher, speak to the SENCo, ask them what the Team will do, who they are made up of, what will happen after the visit, will your ds even know they are observing him, will they do any small group or individual work with him ? and whatever else is worrying you.

i would absolutely take the external help!!!

right now he is struggling to settle right?
and they want to bring someone in who may be able to give them advice on helping him settle a little easier and quicker?

i would be grabbing this opportunity! they aren't coming in to diagnose him with anything, although I am sure if they've picked up on things and have concerns that's something you will talk to them about in due course.
they're there to help him, to make it easier for him regardless of whether or not he has communication difficulties.

please don't think of this as a negative step. It's so unusual (IME) to get a school so keen to help...
this isn't them trying to get an easy way out, it's them saying "we have a child struggling with something, who can help us make it better for him"

Carpediem thank you for that. If the school had explained that to me this morning rather than treating me like a small child it would have helped!

You are all probably right, I should get more info from everyone and let them bring this person in.

Disclaimer - I'm trying really hard not to let it show, but I don't really like this school, or one of the teachers. It's all so different from his lovely pre-school where they communicated with us all the time and were so lovely and helpful to DS.

I would take the help offered. I wish we had had the offer instead we had a child who spent her first year at school so unhappy and unable to settle on a daily basis without hours of sobbing, we had to change schools to get any help and within 6 weeks she has been observed and they have made a plan to help her. I can't believe the change in our girl, happy, chatty, singing, dancing. If you refuse it now, how hard will it be to access it at a later date?

I would accept it too. Children who need help often need to fight for it. They aren't going to force help onto you if it's not needed, heaven knows how short of resources places are! At least it will set your mind at rest if they say there's no problem.

I would also say that they will be used to children who are slow to settle, and so there must be something in particular they have picked up with your DS.

Take the help! If it turns out not to be needed, you will have lost absolutely nothing. If it does turn out to be needed, you are very very lucky to have a school that has picked a potential problem up early and is prepared to do something about it. I know people who have had battles for years on end to help their children and your school sounds absolutely brilliant if it's on the ball to the extent of picking up problems before the parents think they need some outside help!

Thanks all. I'm off to bed now.

I would also take the help offered. I also wanted to try to reassure you that the move from pre-school to reception is a hard one for parents too. However good a school and however well they communicate, in my experience having a child at school is very different than pre-school. At my DD's school, when she started reception, after only two days they lined up in playground and went in...no more taking them in, helping them with their coat, chatting to the staff etc...all of which I'd done at pre-school. I realised early on that there would be whole chunks of my DD's day about which I would know very little...so you really need to trust the teachers and work with them.

blueberryboybait if you don't mind me asking, what sort of things have they put in place for your DD now to help her?

Don't mind at all.

DD is a 31st August baby so only a day older than some of the reception children.
DD stuggles with going in in the mornings to a room full of busyness and can't deal with it when someone springs a routine change on her at all. We now don't go in with the rest of the class from the playground, we go in the main building and she settles in the hallway, before the TA come to take her into class 5 minutes after everyone else is in and settled. She is allowed to take her blankie in with her but there are time she is allowed to have it - they have a little box for it and a timer for when she has it (the timer has gone from 10 minutes to 3 minutes in the last 6 weeks) She plays still plays alone but they suspect it is immaturity rather than an actual problem, she has a talking partner in class so she knows there is someone to talk to/play with when she is feeling lonely (they rotate the person so it isn't a burden on anyone and DD gets to know her classmates) Slowly she is joining in games and playing with friends.

There is a boy in her class who has issues with boundaries and they have put physical markers in place - yellow tape lines on the floor, little stop signs on cones and gentle explaining and directing away when he crosses the boundaries.

I can't see the problem with an observation - if it means they suggest ways for the teacher to make it easier for your son, isn't that a good thing? If it was a one to one assessment, maybe I'd have reservations (as my child would be involved with the person, and I'd want to know details of what they were doing with him), but an observation sounds very unobtrusive.

It must be confronting, but if you can get him into good habits, then his school life will be much easier - you don't want to get school resistance, falling behind and being less confident in the things he can do/learn.

Thanks everybody for your thoughts - we are going to go ahead with the obs but I have taken all your advice into account and asked for lots more information about what will happen and also about all the stuff that they have tried already. I have also suggested a daily communication book so will see what they say about that.

blueberryboybait thanks for sharing the info about what helped your DD. She sounds a little bit like DS with not liking changes to routine being sprung upon her! It's great to hear that the school have put some things in place and she is getting on much better now.

I'll keep you all posted with what happens!

We have had similar issues raised about our ds but no particular offer of help. they may run a circle of friends group and will monitor. it was suggested that we try.joining some sort of social group/beavers etc and try playdates.

personally i find playdates a nightmare and frankly they are the sort of thing that are suggested by people who don't understand that lack of sociability in the child makes it difficult to find suitable parent/child playdate partners!

Anyway if i were you i would also take the offer of help. if nothing else you should hopefully get a list of what he is struggling with. you can then decide what to do even if they just suggest monitoring.

we have decided that if it is his social skills that are cause for concern we will try to work on that. we are clueless on what to do so we have decided to do a course at the Treehouse Trust for social skills for high functioning/asperger 0people. it is a bit scary that it is a autism organisation but noone else seems to offer what we need elsewhere. we have read that early intervention is best so we are going with the precauutionary principle! it should be useful for him whether he has special needs identified in future or not.

lastly it seems as though lots of schools have started being proactive about identifying children early. in our area an autism/early years care pathway was published and i think this is raising awareness earlier than it might previously have done?

Is it not a bit to early to assess the reception year child? It can take up to a year for some children to make friends but it does not mean there is something wrong with them. We were asked to do it as well four years ago when DS was in R. He was shy and needed some time to get used to to the new children, teachers, rules and school in general. We were given a ridiculously tedious application form provided by the LA but we did not fill it in. They asked for so many details that I do not think they had right to know about them. In a few months DS made friends and they did not bother us about his social skills anymore. I know there are too many children per teacher but Reception children are not easy. They are still so tiny. I think it all comes to extra funding for school by having a child with SEN.

Cherry - there is no extra funding for a school for children with SEN unless they have a statement with a very large number of hours specified and it is now incredibly difficult to get a statement.

Delighted to read you are going shed with the observation as its there to help

and i believe that extra funding only comes into play when you hit a certain "grade"... up to that point, even with a statement, the school have to pay for the support out of their own budget.