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Advice needed, incident with dd2's so called friend....

14 replies

Polgara2 · 01/07/2006 17:19

DD2 (in yr1) is friends with twins, one slightly more so than the other but we have had a few incidents in the past where dd2 has been upset by this friend. Anyhow, she told me this morning that she had been in the toilets on Thursday with said friend and my dd2 was still on the toilet when friend pushed hard against the door, opening it and banging dd2 on the nose and laughing about it. She then proceeded to do the same on Friday this time banging dd2 on the head. She denied that she had done anything and called dd2 a liar for saying she had, but dd2 says she saw her! So my dilemma is... I find this totally unacceptable behaviour, opening the door on someone on the toilet and hurting them, so am going to speak to teacher about it on Monday. BUT am becoming friendly with other girls mum and we are supposed to be going round after school on Thursday. Do I say anything to her or keep quiet (knowing I have spoken to school about her daughter)?

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SoupDragon · 01/07/2006 17:22

If you are becoming friends withthe mother, I would chat to her about it rather than the school.

Polgara2 · 01/07/2006 17:25

But how do I do this without causing an argument (even though am tres annoyed). I am usually quite tactful but a bit stuck this time.

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MaryP0p1 · 01/07/2006 17:40

How about get around to a conversation about how they get on and sometimes don't and see what Mum says, you might get a cue when to mention your problem!

Polgara2 · 01/07/2006 21:27


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Hallgerda · 02/07/2006 09:14

I agree with you that it's unacceptable behaviour to open the door on someone on the toilet and I can understand why you are upset. However, I would encourage my children to go to the teacher themselves (or say, loudly and clearly, that they really don't like this kind of behaviour) rather than going to the teacher on their behalf, for two main reasons. Firstly, it is better for the children to learn to sort out their own problems for themselves, and secondly, the issue will be dealt with more immediately so it is more likely the "friend" will learn not to do it again. If you go to the teacher on Monday, the most likely outcome (I'm assuming the only witnesses are your daughter and her "friend" and your daughter has no visible injury) is that he/she will talk to the class about how to behave nicely in toilets and that the toilets may be better supervised for a while. I very much doubt that the friend's mum would be called into the school over the matter. The incident happened at school so it's for the school to deal with - I would not mention it to the mum unless an opportunity naturally arises or you really have to (perhaps because the teacher says he/she intends to talk to her about the incident).

grumpyfrumpy · 02/07/2006 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparklemagic · 02/07/2006 10:30

I agree with grumpy and halle - at this stage it's not worth going to the school about, if it happens again your DD can ask the teacher herself for help - if this doesn't happen because she doesn't want to ask, or the teacher is no help then I guess you could see the teacher then...but I wouldn't involve the other mum, it's school stuff to be dealt with there and doesn't need to be an issue for home just yet!

Polgara2 · 02/07/2006 13:03

Thanks for replies. Thing is dd2 DID tell teacher on both occasions, she said that's not very nice the 1st time, 2nd time said she would speak to her but dd2 doesn't think she did. (Not dd's usual teacher either so can't even ask her). Hmmm - just don't want it to keep happening.

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Polgara2 · 02/07/2006 13:04

Oops posted too soon . Had already decided not to mention to the mum but undecided about talking to teacher on monday?

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sparklemagic · 02/07/2006 13:25

well, if it was me then I think I would, if your DD has already told her twice - it's time she did something about it so put her on the spot and ask her how she is dealing with it!

Hallgerda · 02/07/2006 14:24

I agree with sparklemagic - you should definitely go to the teacher if your daughter has talked to her twice and she isn't addressing the problem.

You mention the teacher not being your daughter's usual teacher - could that be contributing to the problem? (There are some pretty dreadful supply teachers around - one decided my model student DS1 was the class troublemaker and gave him hell for a day - we nicknamed her "Carly the Destroyer". I realise there are probably some very good ones out there too, but they do start at a bit of a disadvantage not knowing the class.)

Polgara2 · 02/07/2006 22:04

Thanks, will go in early in the morning and speak to her. Oh I do hate this sort of thing, much as I want it sorting I will be fretting about what to say all night .

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grumpyfrumpy · 03/07/2006 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Polgara2 · 03/07/2006 12:39

Yes, had a word with her this morning before school! She asked if they'd fallen out, which they havent then said she'd have a word with friend, because toilets are not the place for messing about etc. She said to dd2, "because you want to be able to go to the toilet in peace don't you xx ". Am awaiting any consequences . Hopefully there wont be any but......
Thanks for asking

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