DS 6: "Everybody in my class hates me" What to do?!

[PrinceCorum]

My DS 6, out of the blue, burst into tears at home last night, saying that everyone in his class is mean to him, makes fun of him and hates him. I don't know where this came from but the tears and emotion seemed very genuine and I felt so moved for the little man. Where to go from here? He's saying he hates school because of the other kids being mean. It's all come as a shock to me. He's been in a bit of trouble this year for not listening, answering back and a few other niggles, nothing majorly naughty. He's seemed a bit angry at home at times. Now I'm wondering if it's all linked and what to do?

How on earth can I verify if the other kids really are being mean? Sounds unlikely that everyone in his class is mean to him, but still, if the little fellow feels that way, then I need to address it.

What would you do?

A parent-teacher consultation is coming up but if it's anything like the last one, the teacher has a clock ticking to ensure you don't take up > your 10 minutes and the agenda is usually setting learning objectives for the next few weeks.

Would welcome some advice

My experience is that children change their tune every day and maybe he has just had a bad day or a few bad days. I'd mention it to the teacher and ask them to keep an eye on things though

Speak to the teacher about it, if you can do it separately to the parent consultation, my ds had a dreadful time in year 1, clashed horribly with the teacher and was labelled, by the other children as naughty, it really up set him (so much so that at 7 and now yr 3 he corrected his 4 yr old brother who described a boy in his class as naughty saying 'that's not a nice thing to say, he might just need you to be kind and help') might be he's had a tricky start and teacher just needs to be aware and check the children aren't disassociating themselves from him, fwiw ds had great yr2 and yr3 is much more settled in class and commenting that he's getting one with friends better

Go to the school asap. Ask for a special meeting with the teacher, head of year and the head. I had exactly this with DS 6 at the start of the new term and didn't take it too seriously until one day after picking up at 3:15 loads of kids (and parents) stayed in the playground enjoying the sunshine. A group of lads from his class were kicking a ball, some on the climber and I was chatting away not paying much attention until I noticed he was walking around all on his own. Cut a long story short.... Two mums (good friends and neighbours for years) decided that my DS was "rough" and told their sons not only not to play with him - but also that he "wasn't allowed" to play with them. Within days, they were gathering as many other kids as possible into their games and saying "you're not allowed" to mine. This became a "norm" for other kids in the class and DS actually started to get a reputation for being "rough" as other kids in the class reported to their parents that "he's not allowed to play because he's too rough". Luckily, he has a nine year old sister at the school who noticed and brought it home to me with all the details she could get. It then took me a couple of weeks to find out exactly what was going on and in the end the school recognised it as parentally sponsored bullying and were very (very) firm about remedying it.
During the time I was ignorant, DS was moody and angry at home, then clingy, then moody and really upset about going into school.

Case solved in the end but it still took another three weeks or so to get back to normal and who knows which parents still harbour thoughts that DS is "rough".
I hope this isn't happening in your case but you need to get to the bottom of what is...

We have a little lad in our year 3 who is labelled the bad boy by the other DCs. He is undoubtedly on the spectrum (awaiting diagnosis) and bordering on gifted (not just G and T but actually gifted) Not suggesting your DS is ASD op but just trying to give some background information.

He finds it hard to sit still, doesn't understand social boundaries and can impulsive in the playground. He is very hard work to contain in a classroom and has a TA for some of the time and highly differentiated work to keep him stimulated.

The other kids in the class spend all their time telling tales on him for the most ridiculous things. He has obviously been made the scape goat for many misdemenours and we know this because some of these alleged incidents have been witnessed.

The parents are always in the office complaining about him because of what their DCs have said about him at home. Some of the complaints are justified and he is dealt with in a manner which follows our behaviour policy and if it is witnessed then it is dealt with immediately.

But many of the incidents are where DCs have wound this poor lad up to such an extent that he lashes out. They know he has a breaking point and seem to just delight in him getting into trouble.

inceywincey bless your little boy 'that's not a nice thing to say, he might just need you to be kind and help' This is exactly what our little pupil needs. He really is a sweet little boy and really doesn't want to get into trouble- he just really can't help himself.

I really would go in and ask to speak to the teacher. If there are behaviour issues you need to know about then you can offer support and if not then the teacher needs to know how unhappy your DS is.