Am I making a complete mountain out of a molehill?

[SJaneS]

My daughter is 5 and in Year One. At nursery and reception, I felt really confident that all was going pretty well for her - she had one best friend and lots of other friends she played with as well. This term, her best friend has made another friend - there has been a real tug of war as my daughter wasn't keen to include the new friend - all of which led to her mate playing with her sometimes but not always . She made a new friend which I was pleased about as it gave her someone else to play with. However, last week she and new friend and old BF and her new friend all got together as a gang and by the end of the week, her new friend had the others running away from her whenever she tried to join them and not letting her play.
Drop off this morning wasn't fun as she's still trying to join in but seemed pretty much on the outside and was completely blanked by one of them who pulled a face when she saw her. I feel really upset for her which is making it hard to summon up much enthusiasm for work. Is this worth being speaking to the teacher about at this stage or just monitor it? Also, any advice on how to console her? She still calling them her best friends and wants to play with them, not other people!

I might quietly mention it to the teacher if it goes on for a few days. School friends seem so important at that age and the teacher might be able to encourage her to play with somebody else if she knows she's unhappy.

Hi SJaneS - I agree with Dogonabeanbag - there is a lot of tension for some reason in Year 1 but it will settle out. It's part of establishing the playground pecking order I think.

My advice is this:

Encourage your daughter to treat everyone in the class as a friend

Ask to join in, but if they say no (for whatever reason) try not to show any reaction, just move on.

Learn to find things you can do during playtime on her own:

skipping rope
riding a scooter (or bike, etc...) if the school provide them
Climbing on the climbing frame
rescuing ladybirds
drawing on the playground with chalk (teachers usually have some)
drawing on paper
reading a book

DD1 and DD2 both went through this stage and by explaining its just a stage your friends might go through and encouraging them to be patient, rather than get upset, it has all worked out in the end. I also think, because both DDs have never been mean about letting people joining in whatever they're doing/ playing, they've ended up with a large circle of friends who join in when they want and get on well together.

Finally, although it is very sweet to have one very dear friend, it can be risky - what do you do when they're away/ sick/ etc..? What do you do if they move? It really is worthwhile encouraging your DC to develop a large circle of friends.

HTH

I think this is very normal but hard to deal with. My dd went through exactly the same sort of thing last year, in year 2. Her best friend made a new friend, the new friend seemed to really resent my dd, etc.

I agree with the other posts. All you can do is encourage you dd to be friendly to everyone, not retaliate, tell her it's ok to play by herself sometimes, etc.