Reception DS- what is normal at this stage?

[Snugglypjs]

I know it is still very early days. But would appreciate advice, reassurance and experiences about whether my DS reaction to school is to be expected at this stage or whether we should be wary.

DS, up to September, was a happy, chatty and inquisitive boy. Very imaginative and keen to learn. He has started at our local village school and been there for 4 weeks.

Good things- he generally comes out fairly happy though I recognise relief mixed in with that. He doesn't like to talk about his day initially which is fine- we wait until later when he tends to mention things of his own accord.
He is doing well already with reading, but already he is resisting doing school reading book at home- or anything he recognises as being related to school.

On the less positive side- he cries every morning before going in, claims he is ill or just wants to stay with me. Asks every day if it's a school day and gets upset if it is. His behaviour has changed dramatically at home- dreadfully tired, morose, much ruder in tone to both us and his grandparents.

I have gently tried to unpick what it is he dislikes about school but he just says "don't know just don't like it". Then suddenly out of the blue the other day he said without being prompted that he was fed up of being tired all the time and really didn't want to go to school.

As I said, I know this is very early days but I feel so sad at seeing the change in him.

Did he attend nursery before reception?

My DS did not take to Reception well at all. He too would start crying each morning, a problem which I never encountered while he was in Nursery. The crying has eased off now, but he does not enjoying going to school, as much as he did nursery.

He also asks me each day if it's a school day and gets upset when I say yes. He refuses to read his reading book at home too, telling me "that's a school thing not a home thing".

I've put it all down to the fact that while he was in Nursery, they played for the majority of the time, now he's in Reception he's doing more work and less play and basically he doesn't like it.

Hi thanks for the reply. Yes, he did both nursery and preschool with no issues at all so this is all new for us. I think you are right re. the work although I really thought he was ready for and needed a bit more structure. He is not a summer born either, his birthday coming up later this month.

I think this is a very normal reaction for this stage of term. The initial "newness" and excitement has worn off and he's realised that this is now what he has to do every day. Plus tiredness is starting to set in.

My DC never told me anything about school - well to be precise he did nothing, played with nothing, learnt nothing and spoke to no one. Like you say you then hear odd snippets about things that did happen!

I also wouldn't fret over the reading book. If it's too much for him, just read it to him, or read alternate pages or maybe try reading in the morning. Forcing him will really be counter productive.

I agree with redsky - the first time was hard for DS who had been used to f/t nursery.

He was shattered and consequently grumpy and emotional at home. Even though it is play-based in reception there is still a lot of structure to the day - new rules, expected to sit still at carpet time, new people, phonics, numeracy etc.

I still maintain that by the time he got home DS had 'run out of being good' and his behaviour was a way to let off steam.

It does get better though but this half term in Yr1 has still worn him out and he is shattered by Friday afternoon! .

That sounds typical behaviour a few weeks into term. Last year my 4 year old DS asked how many more days he had to go to school as he was sooooo tired.

Sorry but it gets worse up until Xmas. Its the longest term of the year, it will soon be cold and dark and by Xmas the children will be so tired you think they have regressed to the terrible twos. You will hear parents in the playground all talking about how their child's behaviour has dramatically deteriorated and thinking its just them.

Then from January its usually fine.

I know one child who came home and fell asleep at 6.30 every night so perhaps going to bed earlier will help?

My DS1 never wanted to do any work / reading at home, he had had enough at school. He was so anxious about being told off he would be perfect all day and the effort just exhausted him and he would come home and be utterly foul! Its a bit like having to act a role all day, it is tiring, you can't just be yourself at school.

If he's doing well at school and not behind with reading I wouldn't worry too much. DS1 hardly ever did the homework and still left top of the class. If they are the kind of child who is putting a lot of effort in when they are at school then its not a big deal. I actually told the teacher he was too tired and she agreed he was doing so brilliantly at school and ahead of the class it was pointless pushing him to do more at home.

You can ask for him to go part-time until Jan if you want. Children don't have to go FT until the term after they are 5.

Hi Snugglypjs:

I think the thing to find out is whether the Reception teacher is quite strict (other parents with older children who know the school better may be able to help).

Some reception teachers are very relaxed, learning through play, etc... and others are pretty formal from the get go.

DD1 had a teacher who was very into the happy/ sad face board and was constantly putting children's names down against the sad face board for not sitting down immediately, not being quiet, not doing what was asked, not listening, not tidying away things, etc...

I had to go back in one day (DD1 forgot her coat) a bit after school and the 'sad' side of the board had 2/3rds of the class under it. Many of the children would show distress at the start of the day and in general this teacher was pretty cold, not a little kid person IYSWIM. She wasn't awful - just a bit of a drill sergeant in class.

However, the reality is that the sooner they do adjust to following rules, doing as instructed and settling down to work - the easier they will find life at school.

My advice is this:

1. Focus on the positives: who he played with, what he may be looking forward to (a field trip, a special event, dress-up day, etc...). Make sure he's regularly talking about good things in association with his new school.

2. show excitement about his books - We tried the 'Do you mind if Mummy & Daddy read this' when DD1 didn't show interest. We also found taking turns reading really helped. We would arrange reading whilst our DD2 was having her bath and one of us would read with DD1 - the deal was she could read a favourite book, but only after reading the guided reading book. [Reading can be an issue quite early on - especially if there are children who can already read. DD2 was really put off because initially the group she started part-time with all could read and she couldn't. But she couldn't explain it to me until she was much older.]

3. Keep positive about things and keep talking. I had no sense at all of what was going on based on talking to DDs in YR and well into Y1. They both were just too little to express themselves clearly or explain their feelings about things.

4. Don't underestimate how tiring school can be. Strange people. Strange food. Strange rules. Lots of being ordered about. It takes a lot of getting used to - but they all adjust - it just sometimes takes a bit more time.

5. Don't underestimate the jolt of leaving somewhere you adored (nursery) and going somewhere that doesn't seem as nice. A 4 year old can realise this, but may not be able to articulate it other than have a cry in the morning before going to school, when they'd rather be going back to nice, safe, familiar nursery. (Also be prepared for your child to go through an arc of hating the teacher, warming to the teacher, adoring the teacher and then at the beginning of next year pining for the old teacher and hating the new teacher).

HTH

DD tells us every morning that she wants to go back to Reception class. She hides her uniform because she thinks if we can't find it, she won't have to go. But it IS getting better. She hasn't broken out of Reception and into Nursery for a whole week now...

Back to NURSERY. not reception. She loved nursery class.

Sounds reasonably familiar - ds (now 5, so oldest in class) was used to longer days at nursery from an early age, but only 3 days a week, not many kids in preschool class (only 8 at a time), and lots of time when he could just curl up quietly in a corner with a toy.

On the plus side, he'd really grown out of nursery, loves school (I kept telling him it's like nursery with bigger better toys, which he agrees is true),has his best friend in class with him, waves at various other kids that he can't remember the names of, and is excited by the library there.

But he is still knackered just from the new experience and so many children there all the time, and doesn't want to get up some mornings, doesn't want to get dressed, wants to stay at home, doesn't want to go to after-school club 3 days a week, wants to stay at home with me... except when being dragged out of after-school club's playground or on weekends when he wants school. He also doesn't want to read or anything most nights, so I read to him and about 3 nights a week he asks for the book from school and on a couple of those he'll try reading at me - which I figure is plenty for a child only a month into school!

I know he's really tired because he's too tired to want telly (lies in his room after school idly moving toys), and Thursdays and Fridays are the worst. I have been bathing him and telling him it's bedtime 45 minutes early on a Wednesday, and if he's noticed, he hasn't argued.

Did have the odd moment of upset, often at bedtime, and just random tears like a toddler. Getting a menu card so I can tell him in the mornings what food he's going to be confronted with that day seems to have helped.

All his classmates seem pretty similar - some who trotted happily into nursery are clinging to their adult in the morning, even if they are excited at the end of the day - and then getting a snack hopefully before more tears...