Reception DD still clinging to my arm every morning - help!

[JumpJockey]

DD has admitted that she doesn't like leaving me, and we've talked about it. She has been used to daddy doing nursery drop off, whereas now it's me because school is on my way to work. A friend took her in a couple of mornings, she was fine on those days. When it's me she clings to my arm as soon as the bell goes and needs to be peeled off me by the TA (who is wonderful). No actual tears today, but lots of backing away and saying I don't want to go to school. People say "Just give them a kiss and wave goodbye" or "Wave to her from the window once she's inside" - this would be great if I could get her in through the blasted door! She was playing reasonably happily with a couple of friends before the bell rang then did the clinging thing. I only have two hands to un-peel her from my sleeve, as soon as one hand's off she grabs with the other!

Background, she had 3 weeks of half days for 'settling in', for one week of which they had 2 different supply teachers. This week they had Monday full day, Tuesday off (strike...), yesterday today and tomorrow her teacher is off again (family funeral to attend). The TA has been there every day which is great, and she loves being in the classroom, but any ideas for how to get her into the room in the first place? There are a couple of other kids still being like this but most of them are now absolutely fine. :(

Hi JumpJockey:

This was more a problem for us in Nursery & oddly enough Y1 (DD2 really didn't like teacher then) than in Year R - but my three tricks were these:

1. talk about what happened each day and express pleasure that something was funny, good, interesting, exciting.

2. talk about things to be looking forward to (school trips, dress up day, special events, school plays, etc...)

3. With DD2 in Year 1 she was crying so much before class (and not the only one) that I told her it would hurt the teachers feelings to see her this unhappy to go in. It didn't sink in at first - but eventually she did stop appearing so distressed at start of school day. I think many of the children adored their Year R teacher (a very funny, gentle lady) and found the strict & shouty Year 1 job share teachers a bit of a culture shock.

It seems that things have been a bit unsettled with the teacher having a family bereavement and possibly not being 'her usual self' quite understandably at the moment. It may help to talk to your DD about the situation the teacher is going through - that she's had a bereavement, that she may be a bit blue at the moment and is possibly busy helping her family with the situation.

One possible approach may be to suggest to your DD that it might help her teacher feel better, if she was a bit more cheerful at the start of the day.

I'm certain things will settle down in a few weeks, it's just one of those things - life happens.

HTH

Tricky isn't it? I wish I had a magic answer to give you. If its any small consolation we had the same problem. He found it hard to go into class for pretty much the whole year of reception, even though he loved it when he was there. And it was much worse if his teacher was off for any reason! This year however (year one), he's fine. Goes in happy and laughing and excited. I am glad he has managed to overcome it, but I can't say that we did anything magic. I think it was just a matter of time for him. Please try not to worry - if it takes time, then it takes time. I am sure that if you keep doing what you are doing and give her lots of reassurance, it will help her make this transition. Before you know it she will be skipping in without a backwards glance - which is a bit heartbreaking too! Best wishes to you both.

My dd was like this all the way through YR and Y1 (sorry). She was also like it when dh dropped off and she point blank refused to walk in with a friend.

If she's okay with a friend, then would she be able to walk in with someone else at least sometimes to give you both a break from it?

My dd has been fine since the start of Y2 btw, she was just the extreme end of 'being ready' to separate.

Grassroots I need that magic answer!

PastSellbyDate the TA bless her has been pointing out that it's making Mummy sad when she battles to go through the door, so not sure I want to add the guilt of her teacher as well... The part that's really weird is she will be absolutely fine, we chat about what exciting stuff she's going to do, the friends she'll see, then it's just the moment the bell rings and we're going towards the door itself. Will keep trying anyway...

How about planning a reward / treat after school if she learns to be brave and go to school like a big brave girl?

What is the reward structure at school could you talk to the teacher /TA about her gettting some praise each time she is better than the day before?

Also my DS was better if he could wave at me through the window after he had hung his coat up

Could you arrange to be "in a rush" so its a quick bye bye sweet heart see you later mummy's got to go now???

It just got progressively easier with my DS who still has to give me a kiss and a hug at school and even in front of all his Beaver mates and he is in year 2

I think I must have been totally heartless as both my dds did this and it really did not tug at my heart strings!! Cruel mother!!!!

I was reassured by the staff that the crying stopped the second they got in the door - it was purely for my benefit. I believed them.

I used to kiss them, hand them over to the TA/teacher then swiftly leave. I assumed if any real problem the school would call.

OP - you sound like a lovely mum and your dd obviously enjoys spending time with you. But she truly will be fine - the school would tell you if not.

PS: think I was probably hardened up by working in a school and seeing children do this to their poor mums then skipping off to play!!

Mine has to be carried into the classroom by the teachers 99.9% :) She hates this school but what can we do?