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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD in trouble: called the dinner lady a....and now is in trouble.

39 replies

Hopemore · 30/09/2013 09:56

fat lady

I was mortified when the teacher told me this morning, it was her and another child. The dinner lady was very upset.

DD is 6 years old and although me and Dh are 'normal' weight' there are some overweight family members in the family and overweight friends so I do not understand where all this bullying came from since we don't mock people at all, never mind regarding their weight.

So the kids were made to apologise and lost some play time to think about it, but today after school I will ask DD to make a card to give to the lady tomorrow along with flowers. Is it over the top?

OP posts:

NoComet · 30/09/2013 12:59

What happens in school stays in school, if at all possible, if they think you will be cross too, they won't tell you anything.

Also, some lunch supervisors are not the easiest people for DCs to deal with. Our was prone to dealing out red cards when the teacher wouldn't have done.

Dropping DDs DF in grief from his dad (see above) he absolutely didn't deserve.

clam · 30/09/2013 14:03

"What happens in school stays in school"
I disagree. I think parents and school need to support each other in dealing with any issues and nipping anything untoward in the bud.
What deters some children from confiding in their parents is more likely to be if they feel that they're not being heard, or that their parents might leap to conclusions before hearing the whole story. If we listen carefully, and take appropriate and fair action, then there's less likely to be an issue.

Retropear · 30/09/2013 14:11

What Clam said.

I want info,if my dc were being little buggars I'd want to know with bells on.

Rudeness sorry but I will come down on like a ton of bricks.I don't want my dc thinking it's just school who care about being rude,I also want them to know I will back school up 100% in something like this.

5madthings · 30/09/2013 14:16

i would have my child write a note apologising and i have done in the past. flowers are ott but a note is fine.

and i agree with clam i think parents need to back school up, when my ds2 had issues wuth behaviour we worked with the school and followed up with consequences at home ie no xbox or doing work at home if he hadnt got it done in class. the school were very appreciative of our efforts.

StitchingMoss · 30/09/2013 14:21

Can't believe some posters are saying its ok for children to call adults fat and that it's just factual .

Children at 6 are more than capable of understanding and being made to understand that it's rude and hurtful of they'll turn into the type of delightful teenagers that feel its acceptable to mock fat people in the street.

OP, think u've handled it well and I'm sure your DD has learnt a valuable lesson about respect.

WhereMyMilk · 30/09/2013 14:34

When DS (6) had a pissing contest (height up the wall) with his mate, I lectured talked to him about it and made him write an apology to his teacher & the caretaker.

He hasn't done it since!

avolt · 30/09/2013 15:09

I think I would make mine write a note of apology actually. It just reinforces that it's not acceptable and you won't tolerate it.

It also goes some way to rebuild the relationship with dd and the dinner lady.

Chocovore · 30/09/2013 18:05

I think I would leave it tbh. This is the generation who have been exposed to 'the Fat Controller' in Thomas the Tank Engine. How are they supposed to know the difference at 6?

valiumredhead · 30/09/2013 18:10

No one calls the fat controller fat in a negative way. Anyway, he's called Mr Tophamhat now iirc.

SoupDragon · 30/09/2013 18:14

I do not understand where all this bullying came from

It's not bullying! It's just a 6 yr old making an inappropriate comment.

rockybalboa · 30/09/2013 18:17

I think flowers and a card is way OTT. No, it's not nice to call someone fat and you've explained that to DD but if she's apologised and now understands why she shouldn't call people names then that's enough.

Wellthen · 30/09/2013 19:10

I think you should be teaching her that its not ok to comment on people's appearences. 'Nice tits' is no better than 'hey fatty' even if it is meant to be 'complementary'. It also takes the emphasis away from the lady's weight as you say your DD is getting sensitive about her own looks. The message should be: no one has the right comment on how you look so dont do it to others. Everyone is beautiful, people do not look the way they do to please you.

NoComet · 30/09/2013 23:00

Serious stuff needs solidarity between home and school, minor stuff should not come home.

Chances of getting a coherent story from a six year old who's afraid of getting in more trouble are small.

Chances of being told important things if you always side with the school/other adults very small.

It's a difficult balancing act. I've seen DCs get in huge trouble at school because parents were in denial and I have had a boy say to me (as a helper) "what's the point in behaving Mum has already taken all my nice things off me".

He needed her to get off his back and find things to praise him for, but I doubt he came from that sort of home

maizieD · 01/10/2013 11:25

Hopenomore, if your dd is starting to worry about what others think of her, I wonder if someone has said personal things either to her or to others in her peer group within her hearing?

I was just beginning to think that myself when Elibean said it!

The fact that she was saying things in concert with another child makes me suspect an element of copying peer behaviour.

I'd also be slightly worried that the loss of self confidence may be a result of peer bullying; it may be worth following that up if possible. (Though it may equally well be a complete misconception on your dd's part)

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