urgh! peer group pressure Y5 boys

[kitnkaboodle]

My son, in Y5, was selected to represent the school at an event which usually features a small minority of boys and several girls. He happily did it last year, as it is a skill that he excels at and enjoys. However, this year, after agreeing to do it again, he has changed his mind and now wants to pull out. School and myself suspect that he's being teased by others for doing something 'uncool'. He's going through quite a phase at the minute of being self conscious about a lot of things.

this makes me so upset! Obviously I'm not going to force him to do something that will upset him, and he won't do the event, but what would others advise about the 'life lessons' here?? Tell him that in future he should stand by his convictions and not let others sway him? that those kids who tease him and try to dictate what is and isn't cool must have some issues of their own??

or just let it all lie. I can foresee years of this to come, and am finding it quite hard, having another son three years older who has never given a a damn what others think of his appearance and interests ... (I guess he's in the minority at his age?)

Personally, I would a) let him know that you can see it from his point of view, that it can be really really tough to go against the 'pack'. Important, so that he doesn't feel bad about himself for caring what they think.

Then b) I would also talk to him about kids who tease and their probable issues, yes. Try and find parallel situations in a film, or in real life, that he can relate to and is likely to see through. It might help to disempower the teasers in your ds's mind.

Then c) if he is receptive to a and b, I would chat lightly about what one might say to teasers, or how one might shrug shoulders and change the subject, etc. ie give him some coping skills other than 'just ignore them'.

And finally, I would talk to his class teacher or other supportive adults in his school, those he likes especially, and get them to actively support some sort of class awareness of 'everyone is different and that's cool and awesome', or a team activity where the success and rewards of a team depend on your ds's skill even!

Good luck, its a hard one - I have a dd that doesn't care, and one that does, and relate.